West Coast Kang: Week 1 Recap - SummerSlam

Michael Cole

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to SummerSlam!

As we present to you, this Special Edition of West Coast Cousins Recap,

as we will sporadically throughout the season.

We thank you for joining us for the biggest party of the summer.

West Coast Kang Presents SummerSlam!

We are live here in East Rutherford, New Jersey.

Michael Cole alongside Pat McAfee to call the Week 1 action.

Pat McAfee

I am pumped for the new season, Cole.

And I'm also pumped for the return of recaps, even if it will be on a limited basis.

Michael Cole

Well Pat, that makes two of us.

Let's go ahead and jump into our first featured match.

Singles Match

Return of the Mac vs. Rock Reigns

Michael Cole

We open with our Week 1 matchup between CFL and Rockson Reigns,

as the 2024 NFL MVP, Josh Allen readies himself inside the ring,

we are joined by his Fantasy Manager, Chris Fuckin' Law.

CFL

Great to be here with you schmucks.

Now the world can bare witness to what a true professional commentator actually looks like.

Michael Cole

Well, I have to ask, CFL.

Quite frankly, I am surprised to see you at the commentary table.

Your opponent, Rockson Reigns is stepping foot into the ring tonight

while you let Josh Allen take your place against the Tribal Chief.

May I ask why you've decided not to be in the match tonight?

CFL

First off, Michael Cole.

That's a stupid fucking question.

This is a team effort and Josh Allen is more than capable of beating Rockson Reigns.

Trust me, the Council of Kangs will get plenty of opportunity to see me in action,

but it's only Week 1.

It's called load management, you ever heard of it?

If Rockson Reigns wants to step into the ring and risk potential injury, that's his business.

I believe in my quarterback, I believe in Josh Allen.

And I can guarantee you that Rockson Reigns doesn't feel the same way about Brock Purdy.

That's why he's in the ring right now and not his QB1.

Michael Cole

Well Reigns, coming off a stellar 2024 campaign, making his Kang Games debut.

We saw a historic record breaking season last year by the Tribal Chief.

10-0 to start off the year, can the Tribal Chief keep the hot start going?

We're about to find out!

Michael Cole

Early offense as Javonte Williams scores 2 rushing TDs on Thursday Night.

Reigns taking on some early damage, but does well to defend.

14 points from Denver DEF.

CFL

What a start for my team, don't forget about Puka Nacua, 13.10 points

for the star receiver.

Come on, Cole. You're missing the play by play action.

Do I have to do everything around here?

Michael Cole

Reigns counters now with 14 points from Ka'imi Fairbairn.

CFL

Who the hell is Kamari Farnbarn?

Is that a fucking kicker?

Who cares about those losers.

Michael Cole, when are we getting rid of kickers in this league?

Michael Cole

Well, some fans enjoy the kickers and DST.

It brings a different aspect to Fantasy Football, Chris.

CFL

Yeah, those people are called idiots, Michael Cole.

Nobody watches football for the kickers.

Pat McAfee

Hey... I watch the kickers.

CFL

Give me a break, McAfee.

Don't tell me you want to add punters to Fantasy as well.

Pat McAfee

That's not a bad idea, if I must say so myself.

50 yard punts for 1 or 2 points, coffin corners, I'm all for it.

CFL

Look out! It's the Return of the Mac!

14.20 from Christian McCaffrey, he is the entire 49er offense.

Rockson Reigns is in some serious trouble now.

Michael Cole

High flying maneuver by Josh Allen,

but the Tribal Chief catches him, 21.10 from Zay Flowers.

It is a close fight as we head into Sunday Night Football.

Michael Cole

Josh Allen capitalizing with an early touchdown run,

knocking Reigns to the outside.

Michael Cole

Wait a minute! Look out!

Josh Allen throws for two touchdowns!

Michael Cole

And another rushing touchdown to cap things off!

38.76 from the Superstar Quarterback!

1-2-3!

Winner via Pinfall:

Return of the Mac

Michael Cole

Josh Allen goes off in Week 1 to give CFL the win.

What a performance by this young man.

Michael Cole

A disappointing way to start the year for Rockson Reigns, no doubt.

He will look to bounce back in Week 2,

but Chris Fuckin' Law is the winner 115.86 - 109.98.

Singles Match

Loud Play Justin vs. Dollar Discount Team

Michael Cole

And as we move onto our Week 1 Main Event,

our 2024 defending League Champion Tai "Freakin'" Rollins

takes on the returning Justin Styles.

Pat McAfee

Justin Styles hasn't played in the West Coast Cousins since 2020.

Since that time has played in several other Fantasy Leagues,

back to the independent scene, if you will.

And I heard he did quite well, finished in 2nd place last year

in Ring of Fantasy.

Michael Cole

Let's see if his success in the indies translate to the West Coast Cousins.

Michael Cole

Justin Styles controlling the action early.

His bell cow Saquon Barkley goes 14.40 with a rushing touchdown

on Thursday Night.

Followed by a touchdown from Travis Kelce on Friday Night.

Michael Cole

But a great kick by Tai Rollins,

Tyler Loop drops 13 as Styles is hit in the midsection.

Michael Cole

And now a flying knee by Rollins!

Lamar Jackson with 29.36 as the QB runs for 70 yards and a touchdown.

Pat McAfee

A lot of leg work early from Tai Rollins.

Michael Cole

Justin Styles responds with Deebo Samuel, 15.60 from the wide back.

Michael Cole

Followed by 11 points from Harrison Butker!

Then 143 rushing yards by Travis Etienne!

Justin Styles hits Tai Rollins with the Family Tree!

1-2-3!

Winner via Pinfall:

Loud Play Justin

Michael Cole

For the first time in 5 years, Justin Styles has won a match in the West Coast Cousins!

What a return for the Phenomenal One,

defeating last year's League Champion in shocking fashion!

Michael Cole

Tai Rollins begins his title defense with a loss to open Week 1.

But don't count out Dollar Discount just yet, he is a notoriously slow starter.

Pat McAfee

It's all about the mid-season transactions and adjustments,

there might not be a better Fantasy Manager at mid-season moves.

Tai Rollins is as consistent as they come and he will bounce back.

Michael Cole

We thank you joining us for this opening Week 1 Recap.

Tune in tomorrow night as Wednesday Night Preview returns for Week 2!

Thank you and goodnight from East Rutherford, New Jersey!

*CM PUP's Music Hits*

The New Jersey crowd explodes as we pan towards the entrance ramp.

CM PUP walks out and as the shocked crowd continues to go wild.

Council of Kangs

CM PUP! CM PUP! CM PUP!

CM PUP! CM PUP! CM PUP!

CM PUP! CM PUP! CM PUP!

CM PUP

IT'S....

Council of Kangs

CLOBBERIN' TIME!

By ringside, we see Tai Rollins being held back security.

He is visibly upset by the return of CM PUP.

As we conclude the SummerSlam PLE,

we get a glimpse of CM PUP staring into the ring.

The Best in the League has returned.