John Seana
I wasn't sure you were coming back.
Noah returns to 1999.
Noah
I must. The fate of mankind depends on it.
What is the status with the Fantasy Stones?
John Seana
Truthfully, it hasn't been going well.
I visited Adobe Headquarters and they don't even have the technology for it.
The Special Effects Stone doesn't exist yet.
Noah
If we are to defeat Donald Trump,
we must have the Special Effects Stone.
If he can alter reality, we must be able to do the same.
We don't stand a chance without it.
John Seana
Well, I don't know what to tell you.
Mr Narayen says it doesn't exist.
But we have a Time Stone, right?
Why can't you just use it to go to the future
and get the Special Effects Stone yourself?
Noah
My time while traveling is limited.
The Time Stone exerts an exorbitant amount of energy.
Even if I were to find the right time period,
I wouldn't be able to retrieve the Special Effects Stone.
It's going to have to be you.
John Seana
It's going to be years until the technology exists!
I have no idea how I'm going to that get Stone.
Noah
I trust you'll find a way.
In the mean time, what's the progress on the Underchucker's Urn?
John Seana
Not good.
The man is building an army,
haven't you seen the Attitude Era?
He has the entire Minhistry of Darkness behind him,
I don't know how I'll even get close to it.
Noah
I'll send you some help.
For now, focus your efforts on the WCCF Championship.
If you don't get your act together, it's all over.
Start playing better or you won't be in position
to win a League Championship.
Failing that, I'm afraid we're already dead.
John Seana
Why does it have to be this season?
If I lose, can't I just win it next year?
The Deportation doesn't happen for another 21 years.
We have time on our side.
Noah
Actually, quite the opposite.
We are in a race against Time.
I've traveled up and down the timeline looking for a solution.
And the current path that we're on is our only opportunity.
I've seen the Sacred Timeline and the events
that lead to the final battle with Donald Trump.
John Seana
And? Did we win?
Noah
.... no.
In the Sacred Timeline, Donald Trump is victorious once again.
But we can break the chain of events.
In 6 weeks, there will be a Nexus Event.
An incident that causes a branch to break off from the Sacred Timeline.
The Y2K Problem.
John Seana
What? The Y2K Problem is a real thing?
Noah
Yes, it is a Nexus Event.
It went largely unnoticed in the real world.
But the Y2K Problem is a single moment in time
where we can break the reality that we know.
And your job is to collect enough Fantasy Stones in 6 weeks.
John Seana
This is crazy.
I can't do it, this is too much pressure.
I mean, we're in 1999!
Can't we just do like Back to the Future and kill Donald Trump?
Can't we just do like Back to the Future and kill Donald Trump?
Noah
No one said it was going to be easy.
But I'm afraid killing Donald Trump is a not a solution.
I've already told you, everything that has ever happened
and will happen, has always happened.
You can try to assassinate Donald Trump,
but you won't be able to.
You won't be able to because Donald Trump's future has been set.
If he were to die in 1999, a time paradox would take place.
And the Laws of Time won't allow you to break them.
John Seana
I don't understand.
How are we supposed to do anything if our destiny is already determined?
Noah
What we know is a drop.
What we don't, is an ocean.
The only thing we can change is the future.
We need the Nexus Event and you need to Fantasy Stones.
Noah
It's time for you to rise to the occasion.
You have an uphill battle from here,
but you must get it done.
This is the way.
No matter how severely you fail, you never give up.
You pick yourself up, you brush yourself off,
you push forward, you move on, you adapt, you overcome.
I believe in you, which is why I know you believe in yourself.
If there was ever a time to follow your own mantra,
now would be the time.
You must become the WCCF Champion.
WEST COAST COUSINS:
ENDGAME
ENDGAME
Episode Eight - Armageddon
*Victor Angle's Music Hits*
Jim Ross
Welcome in to WCCF Preview is War
as we kick things off with the Olympic Gold Medalist, Vic Angle.
Vic Angle has dropped 2 straight and
quickly finds himself out of the Top 3 after a great start to the season.
But you've got to hand it to him, a hell of a match last night at Backlash.
King
He's take some losses, but I still envision a deep playoff run for Angle,
he still leads the league in points, so there's that.
Victor Angle
Last night at Backlash, I went to war with The Beast.
I went toe to toe with the WCCF Champion, and I've got to hand it to her.
She was the better Fantasy Manager last night at Backlash.
Victor Angle
But with that said, I trust that I'll see you down the line again...
and when I do, I'll be ready for you.
Until then, my focus is solely on getting better and fighting
my way back up the standings.
Because if there's anythin-
*John Seana's Music Hits*
King
Hey, check this out, JR!
The Doctor of Thuganomics is in the house!
Jim Ross
We haven't heard much from John Seana lately,
but he has dropped 4 straight after a hot start.
His playoff positioning may be in doubt after a devastating setback.
John Seana
Yo.. it's time to get back to my roots.
Take off the silly shirts and lace up them boots.
So if this is the greatest era in Professional Fantasy Managing,
then you know I'm going to deliver, so long as you pay for shipping and handling.
King
Ha ha! That rhymes, JR.
John Seana
It's no time for games, it's time to knock the dust off.
Which is why A-Rod is gonna beat the shit out of Dak Prescott.
This ain't the PG version of Seana, tell the kids to turn off the TV.
Because this Sunday in Dallas, you can't see me!
Victor Angle
Wow, John. I've got to give you your "mad props."
That was very impressive.
I can see it in your eyes, you are no longer the kid in funny tights
talking about ruthless aggression.
But you see John, I'm a different animal.
I'm a multi-talented Fantasy Manager.
Victor Angle
Because I can do Greco Roman, I can do amateur.
But sometimes... I just like to kick it... freestyle.
*Crowd Cheers*
Victor Angle
My name is Victor Angle, and hey I'm not proud to say this.
But I look at you, and I see your gimmick is out dated.
You should switch it up, become a Marine or a Soldier.
I won a Olympic Gold Medal with a dislocated freakin' shoulder!
*Crowd Cheers*
Victor Angle
No, no. Check this out.
I'll be straight up, I won't take your crap.
You mess with me? I will make you tap!
WORD... LIFE!
*Commercial*
Richard Johnson
If you live the type of lifestyle that I live,
if you're out here in these streets and you hustlin',
you've got to stay safe.
An entrepreneur like me, a legit businessman, you've got to take it seriously.
Take a shot at staying healthy.
Get the vaccine.
*Commercial*
*The Corporation's Music Hits*
Jim Ross
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to WCCF Preview.
If you're just joining us, we are live in Charlotte, North Carolina.
And as The Corporation makes their way down to the ring,
You have to wonder the direction of The Corporation.
While The Baugh has maintained his standing in the league,
it's certainly not what The Corporation has expected
through the first half of the year.
I'm sure their goal has always been to keep the title around
The Baugh's waist and the title picture appears to be slipping
from last year's League Champion.
King
It's all part of Mr. McMahon's master plan.
The Baugh will be there in the end like he always is.
We've got a long way to go, JR.
The Baugh
Finally.. The Baugh has come back to Charlotte!
*Crowd Cheers*
The Baugh
Oh, shut your mouths!
This ain't sing along with The Baugh, and he is certainly not in the mood.
Last night at Backlash, after what was an assured win for The Baugh,
Alex, like the coward he is, made a last minute substitution.
The Baugh
As far as The Baugh is concerned,
Johnberg isn't a Fantasy Manager in this league.
Vince McMahon didn't approve the signing, and there is absolutely
no way that the WCCF would want a piece of ECF trash in this ring.
The Baugh
So The Baugh says this.
Alex, you have exactly 3 seconds.
AND THE BAUGH MEANS 3 SECONDS.
To get your ass down to this ring,
because we are re-doing the match.
Alex vs. Baugh on The Baugh's show Preview.
We're going to do it again, and we're going to do it right.
The crowd boos as Mr. McMahon takes the microphone.
Mr. McMahon
Baugh, you are certainly right.
I would never sign an animal like Johnberg to this League.
And under my authority, we will have a match take place tonight.
So Alex, get your ass down here right now!
Crowd
ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!
ASSHOLE!
Mr. McMahon
Alex, if you don't come down to this ring,
then I have no choice but to fire your ass!
And quite frankly, I don't have the time nor the patience
for anyone that isn't in this League.
*Stone Cold Steve Pupstin's Music Hits*
King
Uh oh! What?!
Wahhh!
Jim Ross
What in the hell?
That's Stone Cold! Stone Cold!
Stone Cold is driving a massive beer truck to the ring!
King
Look at Mr. McMahon, JR!
He can't believe it!
Jim Ross
Pupstin has been suspended for weeks,
and quite frankly, I think Pupstin has raised more hell during
his suspension than when he was an active Fantasy Manager!
But this crowd is Charlotte is going crazy for Stone Cold!
King
He's a menace, JR!
Steve Pupstin
If you're ready for Armageddon, give me a hell yeah!
Crowd
HELL YEAH!
Steve Pupstin
You damn right,
because Stone Cold Steve Pupstin has some news to share.
King
What? What news?
Steve Pupstin
You see, a few weeks ago on Preview,
when that piece of shit Commissioner Foley unjustly suspended
Stone Cold. I went ahead and filed an appeal.
And it just so happens, I received a letter regarding
the status of my suspension just this morning.
*Crowd Cheers*
King
What's he talking about, JR?
What appeal?
Steve Pupstin
So you see, I went ahead and read that letter.
And Vince, I'm happy to share with you its contents.
It's mainly a bunch of legal jargon and nonsense,
but the general gist is, Nick Foley was ruled to be unjustified
in his suspension of Stone Cold Steve Pupstin,
citing personal bias and a conflict of interest.
King
Oh no... I knew Nick Foley couldn't do anything right.
Steve Pupstin
In other words, what that means is, Stone Cold's suspension
has been lifted, effective immediately!
*Crowd Cheers*
Steve Pupstin
And since Pupstin has been reinstated in the WCCF,
I will be playing at this Sunday's Pay Per View.
And my opponent will be,
none other than your piece of Corporate Crap, The Baugh!
King
What?! No!
He can't do that, JR.
Jim Ross
My God, this is breaking news!
Pupstin is back in the WCCF and he's got The Baugh!
That is one hell of a matchup, King.
King
This isn't right.
Mr. McMahon's got to do something about this.
Jim Ross
I'm not sure there's anything he can do!
Steve Pupstin
So you best stop worrying about Johnberg,
and start thinking about the other bald headed son of a bitch that's in your face.
But before we get to the ass kicking on Sunday,
let's go ahead and celebrate my reinstatement in the WCCF!
What do you say, Baugh?
The Baugh
I'll tell you what, first off, Stone Cold, jabroni.
You come out here and you make your idle threats like you're The Great One.
But obviously, you're not.
So The Baugh says you take that truck,
and drive it right back down to Know Your Role Blvd.
You drive it right back to Jabroni Drive and you check your cand-
*Crowd Cheers*
Jim Ross
Wait a minute! Stone Cold!
King
Ah! That's beer!
Jim Ross
Stone Cold with a beer bath on The Corporation!
King
You've got to be kidding me!
Stone Cold is gonna pay for this.
Mr. McMahon is drowning!
Somebody save Mr. McMahon!
Jim Ross
My God, the return of Stone Cold is one hell of a celebration.
And he's got his target set on last year's League Champion!
The Baugh and Stone Cold will duel it out this Sunday at Armageddon!
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Josh Matthews
I'm standing by with the WCCF Champion,
Santa Clara Lesnar.
SC, it has been a dominant first half of the season for you
and as we enter the second half, what can we expect from SC Lesnar?
Especially given the fact that it appears as if
you will be going your separate ways from your manager, Paul Heyman.
SC Lesnar
Josh, you can expect more of the same in the second half.
After falling to 0-1, the League was ready to dismiss me.
They counted me out and I snuck my way into the title picture.
And ever since I put myself in the title picture,
I haven't left it since.
I intend on carrying this title all the way to FantasyMania.
Josh Matthews
SC, you've had a tremendous season so far,
some would argue that it has been your best season.
Do you think this has anything to do with the fact
that you requested this season be an Auction Draft,
and therefore have an advantage,
given your prior experience with the Auction Draft format?
SC Lesnar
Advantage? What?
Are you claiming a collusion?
I'm playing well this season because I am one of the League's best.
And I'll be on my way to 3 League Championships soon enough.
You and the rest of the League can count me out,
but I'm going to show you why they call me The Next Big Thing.
Johnberg
Hey, why don't you pick on someone your own size?
Johnberg
You want to talk about being counted out.
Alex's Team has been counted out after our 0-5 start.
And now, we've beaten Pupstin and Baugh in back to back weeks.
Our season isn't over, and we just dismantled
2 of your former League Champions.
Johnberg
Alex, Jalen and I, we represent Extreme Championship Fantasy.
And we're going to take this league by storm,
no matter how much your League Executives try to bury us in the storyline.
But you should know about that, right SC?
Seeing as your former manager, Paul Heyman
was the owner of ECF.
Who knows? Maybe he'll cross over and join his old team.
Johnberg
Until then, you better hold onto that Championship tight.
Because there's no one in this League that knows you better than I do.
And you know what would be the cherry on top
of the West Coast Cousins getting their asses handed to them by ECF?
That would be The Icon, Alex, as the NEW WCCF Champion.
Sweet dreams, Champ.
Jim Ross
There you have it, Johnberg making a strong impression
in his WCCF debut.
Alex and Johnberg will look to dethrone the WCCF Champion
this Sunday at Armageddon!
Call your local television provider and order Armageddon
only on Pay Per View!
Thank you for joining us for this edition of WCCF Preview,
we now return to your local news.
In 2021, the Trump News Network airs
as the episode comes to a close.
Anderson Cooper
Tonight, I speak to our audience with deep passion.
As someone who strongly opposed the values of
former President Donald Trump,
I say this wholeheartedly, that I was in the wrong.
It took me understanding the true value in President Trump's actions
to truly appreciate what he has done for us.
Anderson Cooper
Mr. Trump, thank you for showing me the light.
Thank you for not deporting me so that I can understand your intentions.
The state of the union is at its very peak.
Donald Trump has built up the United Confederacy of America,
and I am proud to be an American citizen.
Anderson Cooper
Meanwhile, in related news, President Biden's approval rating
continues to plummet as he attempts to undo Trump's Deportations.
An exercise in futility as an overwhelming majority of the country
report that they like things the way they are and want to keep it that way.
President Biden is wasting resources and taxpayer money
attempting to re-open the borders to let those that were deported back in,
allowing millions of illegal immigrants and criminals into our country.
Anderson Cooper
This begs the question to all Americans watching at home.
Do you feel safe with this man running the country?
I think the answer is a resounding, no.
Ann O'Leary
CNN sure has changed their stance on President Biden.
What a magnificent turn of events.
Gavin Newsom
That's not really CNN. It's the Trump News Network now.
Anderson Cooper didn't really say any of those things, either.
Donald Trump is using the Special Effects Stone to his advantage.
It's brilliant, actually.
Ann O'Leary
So what does that mean?
Gavin Newsom
It means that there's an opening.
The propaganda that's spreading within the UCA
will soon force Joe Biden out of office.
Meanwhile, the rest of the world shutters at the thought
of Donald Trump stepping back into office.
Someone will need to fill that void.
Donald is oblivious to the fact
that a serpent lies awake in the grass.
It appears that I'm the only one left playing the Game of Fantasy,
and soon, they'll have no choice but to acknowledge me.
