West Coast Kang: Episode 5 - doomsday.mp4

Earth-KANG

(Before the Kang Games)

Selina Kyle

Forgive me for the harm I've caused this world.

None may atone for my actions but me,

and only in me shall my stain live on.

I am thankful to have been caught, my fall cut short by those wizened hands.

All I can be is sorry, and that is all that I am.

Kang the Conqueror

Again, please.

Selina Kyle

I've read it 300 times already.

Kang the Conqueror

259. Again, please.

Selina Kyle

Please, Kang. I'm really sorry.

Kang the Conqueror

If you were actually sorry, you wouldn't be here, Selina.

Nathaniel Richards walks into the room.

Nathaniel Richards

Hi, there you guys are.

Sorry, I didn't mean to barge, I just couldn't find either of you...

And um... wow, this room is dark. What, um what are you guys doing in here?

Kang the Conqueror

Nathaniel. What can I do for you?

Nathaniel Richards

Yeah, sorry.

I don't know... I just randomly walked into a room full of... goats?

And I guess... there were goat... people in there?

I don't know what that was all about and I wanted to ask you about it.

Kang the Conqueror

The goats are none of your concern.

Seeing the dissatisfaction on Nathaniel's face,

Kang decides to reveal the true nature of the goats.

Kang the Conqueror

When we discover a new world, before we travel to that world, we first send goats.

The multiverse is unpredictable, we have to make sure it's safe before we go there.

Now, is there anything else I can do for you, Nathaniel?

Nathaniel Richards

Yeah... I don't mean to be ungrateful, Conqueror.

Everything you've shown me has been... magnificent, truly.

But... Ravonna, Kang.

When are we going to do something about Ravonna?

Kang the Conqueror

We are doing something about Ravonna.

Trust me, Nathaniel. You have to be patient.

This is all part of the plan.

WEST COAST KANG:

THE RISE OF THE CONQUEROR

Episode Five - doomsday.mp4

Michael Cole

As we come to you live in Rocket Arena here in Cleveland, Ohio!

We welcome you to another episode of Wednesday Night Preview!

Rockson Reigns reigns supreme as the new #1 ranked Manager through 4 weeks,

toppling the Joycement Day at Crown Jewel.

Vincent Rhodes defeated CFL 129.50 - 106.26 and now finds himself in 2nd place.

But I think the big story as we enter Week 5 is the struggling Omega Level Threats.

Pat McAfee

That's right Michael Cole.

Last season's League Champion Dollar Discount Team finds himself in last place.

Jets2Holidays aka CM PUP also falling to 1-3.

And despite being in the Top 3 in total season scoring, Luke's Lunch Money is also at 1-3.

I expect Rhea Joycely to be able to turn things around, but these former League Champions

have a hill to climb in the coming weeks if they want to keep their season alive.

*CM PUP's Music Hits*

Michael Cole

Speaking of which, 4x League Champion, the Second City Saint,

CM PUP now joins us live from Earth-KANG!

Pat McAfee

This crowd in Cleveland is electric!

CM PUP

IT'S....

Council of Kangs

CLOBBERIN' TIME!

Michael Cole

Coming off a narrow loss to Kevin Owens in Week 4,

CM PUP fell short by the score of 116.98 - 109.48,

despite strong performances by Drake London, George Pickens and Jordan Love,

The Best in the League could not overcome the explosive rookies from Kevin Owens,

as Ashton Jeanty, Emeka Egbuka and Omarion Hampton

combined for whopping 70.10 points in Week 4.

CM PUP

Cleveland... make no mistake about it.

We knew coming into this season that this would be a challenge.

A challenge unlike anything I have ever faced in the West Coast Cousins.

Through 4 weeks, it hasn't been pretty.
But I'm not giving up.

CM PUP

I'm prepared to ride until the wheels fall off...

I make no excuse for what this season is,

but if anybody can navigate these waters, it's CM PUP!

And if ANYBODY-

*CFL's Music Hits*

CFL

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Puppy Brewster, pump the brakes.

I don't mean to cut you off before your rousing motivational speech,

but we all know you're just selling hope to all your fans.

I don't believe you, your fans don't believe you...

hell, I don't even think you believe you.

The days of the locker room fearing CM PUP are over.

And to be perfectly honest, PUP....

NOBODY IN THAT LOCKER ROOM EVEN WANTS YOU HERE!

*Crowd Boos*

Michael Cole

I don't think these fans here in Cleveland agree.

CFL

No, it's true.

I took a straw poll and these Fantasy Managers can't stand you, PUP.

Man, you've made a lot of enemies in that locker room.

Why do you think nobody wants to train with you, huh?

You can't get anybody to come throw a football with you anymore.

The only person that's willing to throw with you is that dull cousin of yours,

and maybe if you're lucky, a random homeless person!

*Crowd Boos*

CFL

Oh, shut up Cleveland.

I don't respect the opinion of anyone who chose to live in Cleveland, Ohio.

I don't care if you're all Kang variants, you're all a bunch of sheep, if you ask me!

CFL

CM... the truth is, you're old news.

Nobody cares about CM PUP anymore.

Ever since you've been back in the WCC, you're nothing but a company man now.

I hate to say it Puppy, but Vincent 'Kang' McMahon got you to toe the line.

You're not the Voice of the Voiceless. You're PG PUP!

You're not the same guy that cut the pipe bomb all those years ago.

No, you're just Kang's neutered little Puppy bitch!

Kang the Conqueror

OHHHHH....

CFL

Aww, what's wrong, PG PUP?

You never been on the microphone with a shark?

Let's be honest, your entire career, you've been a big fish in a small pond,

and right now standing in that ring, you're just a minnow compared to me.

CM PUP

You done?

A shark on the microphone, that's what you think you are?

Well here's a bit of a reality check for that delusional ego of yours.

You're no shark, you're just a pilot fish that wants to swim with the sharks.

Because I'm pretty sure that CFL doesn't stand for Chris F'ing Law.

No, CFL stands for Certified Fuckin' Loser!

*Crowd Cheers*

Pat McAfee

Wow! CFL looks like he might cry, Cole.

CM PUP

Oh, you didn't like that one, did you?

Hurts doesn't it?

Hurts... which is the exact same reason you don't ever come out to throw

...because you're always hurt!

In all my years of Professional Fantasy Managing,

I have never seen a more egotistical, delusional piece of shit like CFL in my life!

CM PUP

CB1, DB1, whatever it is you like to call yourself these days,

we both know you're not on that level. And you're certainly not on my level.

You're not him. No, you're a failure, Chris.

When I look at you, all'se I see is another spoiled, entitled, anxious little Gen Z bitch!

CM PUP

And you have the gall to call me neutered?

All these jokes about being a pup, how about we put our money where our mouths are?

Huh, Chris?

All season long, you've had Josh Allen do your dirty work.

But let's see if the great CFL has the balls to step in the ring himself,

because this Sunday at FantasyPalooza, I'm challenging you CFL.

I challenge you to a Dog Collar Match!

Let's see if you really have that dog in you!

Michael Cole

You've got to be kidding me, Pat. A dog collar match!

We've never seen such a match in the West Coast Cousins before.

CFL

A dog collar match, you serious?

What are we? A bunch of animals?

CM PUP

Oh, you brought the animal out of me, Chris.

So let's see if you got what it takes to step in the ring with CM PUP

or are you just a scared little bitch?

CFL

You know what? You're on!

And I'll give you some credit PUP, you successfully goaded me into this match,

but you're seriously going to regret it.

CFL

And you know how I was saying earlier about how nobody likes you...

well, allow me to prove that point.

CFL's Fantasy Team makes their way out to ringside.

Michael Cole

Uh oh.... this isn't good for CM PUP.

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

Get out of there, PUP.

Get out of there!

Michael Cole

An ambush from behind!

That's Dalton Kincaid! CFL's starting Tightend.

Michael Cole

And now the numbers have caught up to CM PUP.

Cooper Kupp and Puka Nacua stomping a mudhole into the former League Champion.

Somebody has to put a stop to this!

Pat McAfee

This is sick, Cole.

CFL

How about you get up now, huh? PUP?

HOW ABOUT YOU GET UP NOW?!

You know what? Let him up.

Let him up so I can put him back down!

CFL puts on his brass ring, waits for CM PUP to get back on his feet

and drives his fist into the skull of CM PUP!

Michael Cole

Enough is enough!

This is nothing more than a mugging, it's 5 on 1 for God's sake!

Pat McAfee

I don't think they're done yet, Cole...

Michael Cole

Come on!

This is going too far, CFL think of what you're doing!

CM PUP is defenseless.

Kang, can you do something about this?

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

It's out of my control, Michael.

Pat McAfee

My God, this is sick.

They've got the dog collar on CM PUP...

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

Maybe this was a mistake on the part of CM PUP.

He shouldn't have asked for this type of match.

Michael Cole

I'll tell you what, CFL may live to regret everything he's doing right now,

when CM PUP gets his hands on him this Sunday at FantasyPalooza.

CFL

You stupid, stupid old man.

You see what you made me do?

You wanted to corner me into accepting this match?

Well look what happens when I snap back!

This Sunday, I will show you and all these sheep why I am the Devil himself.

And then, I will put an end of the legend of CM PUP.

Mark my words, this will be the end of your career!

CFL

BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN YOU.... AND YOU KNOW IT!

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

Earth-616

Narrator

In Earth-616, Alex Wayne continues his multiversal research,

spending his time studying the many different variants of the West Coast Cousins.

 Alexander Wayne

Computer. Run a threat analysis on Captain Covfefe-415 and MarthaMan-415.

With the multiverse, we can never be too certain.

I'll need a contingency plan should I have to face these two again.

ChatGPT

Analyzing.

Captain Covfefe (Tai Rogers) — Summary & Combat Profile

Core Capabilities

• Peak human strength, stamina, speed, reflexes from super-soldier serum.

• World-class hand-to-hand combatant, elite adaptability and consistency, able to consistently make playoffs and find hidden gems throughout the season and in the draft.

• Signature weapon: indestructible (or near-indestructible) circular shield used defensively and offensively — thrown as a returning projectile, used to block and bash, and to redirect attacks.

Typical Fight Patterns

• Uses shield to control space: intercept, absorb blows, and then counterattack.

• Prefers close-to-mid range; excels in close quarters.

• Relies on discipline and moral code — unlikely to use lethal force and predictable to the point of honor-bound responses.

Potential Weaknesses

• Predictability in ethics and tactics: respects surrender, won't fight dirty.

• Shield dependence for both offense and defense — temporarily deprived of the shield reduces his defensive options.

• Limited reach against ranged high-speed aerial bombardment if isolated.

Tactical counters (non-lethal prioritized)

• Disarm & isolate: separate him from his shield using containment tech — nets of high-tensile fiber + rapid-cooling gel to immobilize. The shield is the central variable; without it his offensive reach and defense are reduced.

• Close-quarters advantage: force fight into extremely confined spaces where thrown/shield mechanics are less effective. Use soft-capture restraints (containment cuffs that deploy around wrists/torso) quickly after neutralizing mobility. 

MarthaMan (Kendrick Stark) — Summary & Combat Profile

Core Capabilities

• Powered exosuit(s) with flight, superhuman strength, energy projection (repulsors, unibeam), missiles, sensors, AI assistance, environmental seals.

• Ranged engagement, mobility, and massive sensor suite, ability to draft high quality players who are just entering their breakout season. Low bust ratio.

• Technical genius — tends to monitor and adapt suit behavior in real time. Prone to improvising countermeasures.

 

Typical Fight Patterns

• Starts engagement at range with energy weapons, uses flight to control altitude and engagement distance.

• Uses suit sensors and predictive targeting for precision strikes and area-denial.

• Deploys drones or expendable systems (decoys, missiles) if prolonged engagement occurs.

Potential Weaknesses

• Power & control dependency: suit relies on a power core and integrated electronics — vulnerability to power disruption, signal spoofing, or directed-energy overload.

• Sensor reliance: sophisticated sensors can be jammed, spoofed, or saturated. Visual/IR masking reduces targeting capability.

• Human factor: Kendrick’s personality traits (egotism, need to protect innocents, and tendency to improvise) can be exploited tactically and socially.

Tactical Counters (non-lethal prioritized)

• Electronic warfare (EW): deploy multi-spectrum jamming and spoofing to blind and confuse on-board sensors; force suit to rely on degraded manual control.

• Mobility denial: use area-denial nets (high-temperature-resistant, carbon-composite) or rapidly hardening foam to entangle control surfaces and wing/flap actuators; combine with magnetic grapplers for stabilization.

Alexander Wayne

Computer. Provide an analysis for the rest of the West Coast Cousins.

I'll need to understand the capabilities of all the other Fantasy Managers-

Narrator

Before Alexander Wayne can finish his assessment,

he's bombarded by what appears to be a portal.

The Flash

ALEX!

The Flash

Alex... It's Stark!

It's always been Stark!

He's the biggest threat to the multiverse!

The Flash

...am I too soon?

I'm too soon...

We see a look out confusion on Alex's face.

The Flash

You were right about him! You cannot trust Kendrick Stark!

Do you understand?

It's Doomsday! Doomsday is coming!

It's always been him!

You can still save us.....! You have to save us!

A startled Alexander Wayne wakes up from his dream.

Narrator

As Wayne sits on his bed, he contemplates

whether or not he was dreaming or if he's just experienced an incursion from another world.

Narrator

Elsewhere, Kendrick Stark continues working on the encrypted Multiverse Files.

After many hours, he's had a sudden breakthrough.

Kendrick Stark

Alright... now we're talking.

Maria Hill

Stark, did you find something?

Kendrick Stark opens the file and notices a set of mp4 files.

He decides to lie to Maria Hill.

Kendrick Stark

Shit... there's another encryption on this file.

It's sophisticated. Whoever put this together really wanted to protect these files.

It might take some more time to get through this next encryption, maybe hours... maybe days

And who knows what else I might run into.

Maria Hill

Alright, you know where to find me if you find something.

Kendrick Stark

Yes ma'am.

Narrator

As Maria Hill leaves, Stark reviews the file names.

doomsday.mp4, the solution.mp4, multiversal travel.mp4,

the mystery box.mp4 and my world.mp4.

He opens the first file - doomsday.mp4