We open on Fox River Penitentiary.
Dr. Harleen Quinzel, the prison psychiatrist, has an session with a familiar face.
Dr. Quinzel
So, John.
How are you feeling today?
Peacekeeper
I don't go by that name.
Not anymore.
Dr. Quinzel
Right. "Peacekeeper."
Dr. Quinzel
The modern day superhero-
Peacekeeper
I'm not a hero.
I just want to keep the peace.
No matter how many Fantasy Teams I have to beat to get it.
Dr. Quinzel
Well, you have certainly been busy.
You spent the entire offseason as a vigilante.
Does this have to do with the fact that you finished
last season in 12th place?
You know, most Fantasy Leagues have a punishment for last place.
You don't have to punish yourself.
Are you ashamed of what you did last season?
Peacekeeper
Doctor, I had the worst year of my career last season.
There is no excuse for how I performed.
It was a frustrating time in my life and ever since then,
I've been barreling down rock bottom.
I came close to winning a League Championship, twice.
I used to live by the motto, "'Never Give Up."
But I'm done with that life, Doc.
I've given up. And I just want to live out my days
beating the ever loving shit out of criminals.
What was done to me in 2020 was an injustice.
And I will right that wrong,
no matter how many scumbags I have to fuck up to get it.
Dr. Quinzel
Well, you sure have picked up quite the wrap sheet.
Aggravated assault, assault with a deadly weapon, attempted murder,
robbery, kidnapping, trespassing on federal property.
John, you may have given up.
But I haven't given up on you.
Peacekeeper
I said that's not my name.
Dr. Quinzel
Get over yourself, John.
Stop being a little bitch.
Through 6 weeks, you're second in points
with a record of 3-3. That's not half bad.
Peacekeeper
Well it's not good.
Dr. Quinzel
You need to stop with the pity party, because it's quite pathetic, "Peacekeeper."
I'm going to get you out of this slump.
And you know how?
By signing you up for Task Force X.
Peacekeeper
Task Force X?
What the hell is that?
Dr. Quinzel
It's an elite task force run by Amanda Waller.
Only the best Fantasy Managers get invited.
She'll brief you on the details.
It'll be dangerous, but I'm going to help you.
Peacekeeper
Help me?
Help me do what?
Dr. Quinzel
Help you regain your confidence back.
Before I'm done, you will return to the playoffs.
And then, you'll be ready to lead Task Force X.
And if you can do that... just maybe,
you'll have another shot at winning a League Championship.
Wig Wam
Do ya really wanna...
Do ya really wanna taste it?
WEST COAST COUSINS
FOREVER
Episode Seven - Task Force X
Amanda Waller
Right on time.
Kenneth Bell, meet our newest recruit.
Amanda Waller
John Seana a/k/a Peacekeeper.
What he lacks in Championships, he makes up for in experience.
Considered by many as "The Greatest to Never Do It",
John Seana has been in the league since its inception.
He will bring valuable veteran experience to the team.
Kenneth Bell
No, hell no.
I don't have time to babysit and train a new member.
We had a deal, Waller.
This is my last mission.
Amanda Waller
And the deal still stands.
This is your last mission, but once this mission is over,
John Seana will be taking your place as the leader of Task Force X.
You will be training him as your replacement.
Kenneth Bell
You can't be serious.
This guy?
You want him to lead the Suicide Squad?
Does he even know what he's getting himself into?
Peacekeeper
Suicide Squad?
I thought this was Task Force X?
Kenneth Bell
My point exactly.
Task Force X is the official name.
But we all know what this team is really about.
This isn't a negotiation, Stringer.
You will train him up to be the leader of the team.
And who knows, maybe with the right guidance,
he'll actually win a League Championship.
That'll be all, gentlemen.
Peacekeeper
Relax, Kenneth.
You won't have to train me up.
Kenneth Bell
Yeah? And why is that?
Peacekeeper
Because I don't plan on being on the team for long.
As a matter of fact, I don't plan on being in Fox River for much longer either.
Kenneth Bell
Yeah? And how do you figure that?
Peacekeeper
Because I'm escaping.
You're welcome to come along with.
Kenneth Bell
What are you on about?
Are you mad? Have you lost your marbles?
Why in the hell would I escape?
This is my last mission with the Suicide Squad.
After that, I'm free to go.
Peacekeeper
You really think Waller is going to set you free?
No, there is a reason this is your last mission.
Kenneth Bell
What are you talking about?
Peacekeeper
Amanda Waller wants you dead, String.
Kenneth Bell
Bullshit.
Peacekeeper
You really think she assigned me onto the team to replace you?
She assigned me on the team to take you out.
My mission is to make sure Kenneth Bell doesn't survive the next mission.
Kenneth Bell
Son of a bitch...
And why would she want me dead?
Peacekeeper
You're a liability, Kenneth.
A loose end.
You know too much about Task Force X and the types of missions Waller has approved.
If word were to get out, she'd be in prison with us.
Also, it probably doesn't help that you keep winning the Task Force X Fantasy Championship.
She's sick of it.
And by taking you out, she increases her chances of winning.
Kenneth Bell
Are you fucking serious?
She wants to kill me over a Fantasy Football league?
Peacekeeper
The bitch is crazy.
And the way I see it, the only way out, is to escape.
Kenneth Bell
Why are you telling me all of this, mate?
Peacekeeper
You think I want to be a slave to Task Force X?
You and I, we're like running backs in the NFL.
They use us up, spit us out and replace us like it's nothing.
We're a dime a dozen.
If they have a contingency plan to take you out,
it's only a matter of time before they do the same to me.
But I say, to hell with that.
Let's escape this hellhole and get back at the Suicide Squad.
Kenneth Bell
Yeah? You're forgetting one important detail.
How the hell are we going to escape from a State Penitentiary?
Peacekeeper
I'll tell you how... we're going to hijack Mark Andrews' plan.
He's planning an escape with Captain Covfefe,
and we're gonna buy ourselves a ticket on that train.
---------------------------------------------------
Peacekeeper's Season Objective:
Escape Task Force X (Make The Playoffs)
---------------------------------------------------
Kenneth Bell
How do you know all of this?
Peacekeeper
Because I know Andrews' cellmate.
They're bringing him along for the plan...
Because you know?
You can't dig out of a prison cell without your cellmate knowing about it.
Kenneth Bell
Yeah? And who is his cellmate?
Chris Olave
The name's Chris.
Chris Olave. Pleasure to meet you, String.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Scarlet Joyce
So, Natasha. I hear you have some concerns with the way I've been
running the Fantasy Team this year.
Natasha Sherryoff
Yeah... well we are off to a historically bad start.
1-5, and losing a very winnable game against Chuckanuts.
It's not looking good.
And the overall message that you're sending to the team?
I'm not so sure I agree with the mission, Joyce.
Scarlet Joyce
That's great.
Let's clear the air then.
I love constructive criticism.
I thrive on it.
What exactly do you have concerns with?
Natasha Sherryoff
Well.. this whole "No more men" thing...
Scarlet Joyce
Uh huh...
Natasha Sherryoff
Look, I'm all for equality and feminism,
but this is a little extreme, don't you think?
Scarlet Joyce
Natasha, they won't take us seriously until we fight back.
If men didn't want a revolution,
they should've thought about that before they disrespected us.
Natasha Sherryoff
Yes, but this whole genocide thing, just didn't sit right with me.
Natasha Sherryoff
There are a lot of men on our side.
Just because some men are assholes doesn't mean they're all wrong.
I mean, a lot of these Fantasy Managers are my friends.
I just don't think killing them is the right move.
Scarlet Joyce
Okay, fair.
I hear you, Natasha.
Scarlet Joyce
I understand your concerns.. but I assure you.
This isn't a dictatorship.
And I'm not a monster.
Scarlet Joyce
I just want what's fair.
And if you've been in this league long enough,
then you know that I'm not given enough credit.
Natasha Sherryoff
Then let your game do the talking.
Don't become the enemy.
Joyce, you have a lot of skills as a Fantasy Manager.
Natasha Sherryoff
You are one of the most consistent Managers in the league.
Who cares what anyone else thinks.
Scarlet Joyce
I think you have me mistaken, Natasha.
Scarlet Joyce
I don't care what anyone else thinks about me.
I stopped caring a long time ago.
Natasha Sherryoff
Then what is this about?
Scarlet Joyce
What do you mean?
Natasha Sherryoff
I'm sorry Joyce, but I'm just going to say it.
Is this because you lost Vision?
Scarlet Joyce
What did you say?
Natasha Sherryoff
Joyce, it's okay.
Scarlet Joyce
Sink into the floor.
Natasha Sherryoff
Wait... wait..
Scarlet Joyce
Sink.
Natasha Sherryoff sinks into a bottomless void.
She screams for help, but she is inaudible.
She looks out into the void, but can only see the Scarlet Joyce
staring at her from a great distance.
Outside the void, Sherryoff's body is paralyzed.
She is frozen in fear.
Scarlet Joyce
Oh, Natasha...
You have been a pain.
But now I think all is understood.
We're on the same page.
Scarlet Joyce
This team is on the mend.
We went through a rough patch, but we will fix this.
Scarlet Joyce
I am Queen, of the most powerful Fantasy League in Yahoo Sports.
And my entire fantasy team was on IR.
Austine Ekeler, Selina Kupp.
They are back now.
I have given everything for this.
And you will fall in line.
Now, you're in the Sunken Place.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Molly Qerim
Welcome back to First Take.
As we enter into Week 7, the standings are beginning to solidify in the WCC.
Bengal Bro's leads the pack at 5-1 after a dominant win over Alex's Team
and has now taken the reign as the season's points leader.
Stephen A., is this Bengal Bro's year?
Stephen A. Smith
Well Molly, first and foremost, we've got to give Vinson credit.
This is certainly the most dominant he's been in the WCC
and it very well may be a changing of the guard in the West Coast Cousins.
It's a new era and the days of the Circle of Champions is coming to an end.
You've got Luke's Lunch Money getting bullied for her lunch money,
you've got the UC Davis Aggies looking ugly.
And #7torms is looking more like drizzle.
These former Champions haven't shown me anything through 6 weeks.
So yes, I think it's Bengal Bro's year to win it all.
Shannon Sharpe
Hold on there just a minute, Skip. Skip-
Aw, shit. My bad Stephen A.
Stephen A. Smith
It's all good, my brother.
Shannon Sharpe
Stephen A., I've seen this movie before.
We saw it last year when Chuckanuts and Alex lead the league
in the regular season, only for Dollar Discount and Martha Bros to ruin the party.
Before we crown regular season champions,
I need to see more from a team like Bengal Bro's.
This is a team that never won a playoff game in the WCC.
And you expect me to believe they're gonna win it all?
Stephen A. Smith
There's a first time for everything, Shannon.
And in my opinion, this is the most complete team Vinson has ever had.
With the resurrection of Adam Thielen, Joe Burrow and Ja'Marr Chase,
they're gonna get their act together.
I don't believe this team has even hit their stride yet.
Shannon Sharpe
That's a bunch of bulljive, Skip.
I think this team has peaked.
Stephen A. Smith
Skip again?
Alright, Max Kellerman.
Shannon Sharpe
The rise of Devon Achane.
When he returns, Raheem Mostert's numbers are gonna go down.
Not to mention his health and that of Adam Thielen.
I don't believe Bengal Bro's will hold up in the long run.
Stephen A. Smith
Be that as it may, Shannon.
I look up and down the league in the WCC,
and I don't see a clear cut contender outside of Bengal Bros.
I thought it might be Alex's Team or National TEs Day,
but Bengal Bro's just destroyed those two teams in back to back weeks.
I can't say there is a better team right now in the West Coast Cousins than the Bengal Bro's.
Molly Qerim
Shannon, if you don't think Vinson will win it all,
who do you like in this first half of the season?
Who is your pick through 6 weeks?
Shannon Sharpe
For my money, it's anybody's game.
At times, Chuckanuts, Alex's Team and Tightends Day have looked great.
Rock Reigns is another candidate.
You talk about #7Storms looking like a drizzle, but he's 4-2.
We've seen what happens when he gets hot towards the end of the season.
But if I have put money on a single team right here, right now.
I'm putting it on Dollar Discount Team.
Stephen A. Smith
Oh, please.
Shannon Sharpe
I'm serious.
His team is not as bad as his record indicates.
He's won back to back games and he's back in the Top 6.
I have Dollar Discount Team making it back to the Championship game
and winning his 4th title, tying UC Davis Aggies.
Molly Qerim
Well speaking of the Aggies,
they have won two straight games now and have climbed their way out of last place.
Is there a chance we see Kendrick Stark return to the playoffs to defend his title?
Shannon Sharpe
We would love to see that, wouldn't we love to see that, Skip?
Molly Qerim
His name is Stephen A. goddamnit.
Shannon Sharpe
Aw, shoot.
Stephen A. We would love to see that, wouldn't we?
Stephen A. Smith
I think that is the one thing we both can agree on.
The Aggies will not be returning to the playoffs.
Too many injuries, and Patrick Mahomes, not playing at that MVP level.
It's hard to look at that roster and expect any real threat coming this season.
He's going to put up a fight,
but I think the GOAT is going to have to sit this year out.
Molly Qerim
We're going to have to take a quick commercial break.
But when we come back,
we will preview Jake Paul's upcoming blockbuster fight with Houston Rocket's mascot,
Clutch the bear.
Stay tuned, you won't want to miss this.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Mark Zuckerberg
ChatGPT, what can you tell me about Kahndaq and Teth-Baugh?
ChatGPT
Kahndaq is an ancient civilization that was destroyed and buried under volcanic ash.
Teth-Baugh was an ancient God who was granted immense power
by the wizard Shazam.
There are many rumors that speculate that before the volcanic explosion,
Teth-Baugh and a number of his followers were cast into a curse by the wizard Shazam,
banishing him from earth and leaving him in purgatory.
There is speculation that Teth-Baugh and his followers survived the volcanic explosion
and can one day be freed through the power of Shazam.
Mark Zuckerberg
Hey Quentin , come check this out.
Come see what ChatGPT has to say about Teth-Baugh.
Quentin Beck
Ask it how we can set it free.
Mark Zuckerberg
ChatGPT, how can we free Teth-Baugh?
ChatGPT
As a Language Model, I am unable to provide details on how to free Teth-Baugh.
It is important to note that this is speculation and there is no evidence to support
that Teth-Baugh can be freed.
Mark Zuckerberg
Fine... then I'll do it myself.
