West Coast Cousins Fantasy Football: 2013-08-25

The Wednesday Night Preview intro plays and the show's fireworks go off as the camera pans across the WCC Crowd.

[Michael Cole]

Welcome to Wednesday Night Preview! We are live in the sold out Edwards Jones Dome here in St. Louis, Missouri as we get set to kick off the another season of the West Coast Cousins Fantasy Football League!

[Cole]

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm Michael Cole alongside WCC Hall of Famer, Jerry "The King" Lawler and folks, we are less than two weeks away from the start of the 2013 Season!

[King]

That's right, Michael. And what a season this is gonna be. I really can't wait to see how these storylines will unfold this year.

[Cole]

Well that makes two of us, King. We are in store for some great WCC action tonight as we get ready to crown the new WCC League Champion, Santa Clara Gold Diggers during our trophy presentation later tonight.

[King]

Oh man, I can't wait to hear that the new Champ has to say.

[Cole]
Here we go, we're gonna waste no time as we hear from The Crock!
Last season's second place winner, that was defeated by SCGD in the main event of FantasyMania.

[King]
And remember Michael, it was Seadderall Seahawks that cost Carroll's Crooked Nose the match when he interfered and hit The Crock with an Attitude Adjustment, giving SCGD the chance to win the title.

[Cole]
You've got to wonder what must be going through The Crock's mind right now. Let's see what he has to say.

[The Crock]
FINALLY....
THE CROCK...
HAS COME BACK....
.... TO ST. LOUIS....

*Crowd Cheers*

[The Crock]
The Crock is here, LIVE on Wednesday Night Preview.
In front of the millions... and millions of The Crock's fans.. and I'm out here for one reason. And one reason only.

[The Crock]
John Seana.
Bring your money butt to this ring.
Right now!

[The Crock]
I know you're back there somewhere Seadderall Seahawks. And I don't care if The Crock has to sit in this ring all night, The Crock is not leaving until you come out to this ring and see me face to face!

*Crowd Cheers*

[Fans]
Crocky! Crocky! Crocky! Crocky! Crocky!

The camera cuts to the stage as the WCC Universe anxiously waits for SeaNa's entrance.

[The Crock]
Just like I thought Seana. You're too afraid to come out here and see The Crock.
Well Seadderall Seahawks, I got news for you.
I can do this all night. If you don't...

*Ding Ding*

*Crowd Boos*

[Cole]
Can I have everyone's attention please?
I have just received an email from the Anonymous League Commissioner on my iPad Mini.
And I quote:

"It has come to my attention that the 2013 WCC Season is underway. And with the start of the new season, there are many changes that will come here in West Coast Cousins. There is much to do this season and it will no doubt be another exciting year in the WCC.

My first act for the 2013 Season is to announce my resignation as League Commissioner.

Regrettable, I am no longer able to serve as your Commissioner, however, I have chosen a formidable replacement that I am fully confident in and will do a fine job as League Commissioner.

It is truly my pleasure to present to you... the NEW League Commissioner of the WCC...

He is the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations, Mr. John Laurinaitis!"

*Crowd Boos*

[Cole]
What a reception for the new League Commissioner!
King, show some respect and stand up for our new Commish!

Laurinaitis walks into the ring and picks up a microphone.

[Laurinaitis]
Hello, Crock.
It's great to finally meet you..

[The Crock]
Whoa... whoa... whoa...
whoa... WHOA!
Who.. in the BLUE hell..
ARE YOU?!

[Laurinaitis]
My name is Mr. John Laurinaitis, and I am the Executive Vice President of Talent Relations and the Interim League Commissioner of both Seattle and San Francisco.

[The Crock]
You're going to have to excuse The Crock.
I couldn't quite understand you with your raspy little voice.
You sound like you have a piece of monkey crap stuck down your throat.
What did you say your name was again?

[Laurinaitis]
I said..
My name is...

[The Crock]
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS!

[Laurinaitis]
Well Crock, if that's how it's going to be then we're in for a long season. Which is why, as my first act as Interim League Commissioner, I am going to put you in a match in two weeks at SummerSlam. And it's not going to be against Seadderall Seahawks. It's going to be against...

LUFA!

[Lufa]

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Lufa enters the ring.

The Crock wastes no time, and hits Lufa with a Crock Bottom!

[Laurinaitis]

That's it! I've had enough of this!

Security, escort The Crock out of the building.

He's done for the night.

A large security detail comes out to the ring.

[The Crock]

Okay. Okay.

So you're just gonna throw The Crock out?

You're gonna kick him off live television? In front of his millions… Okay. Then I guess I have no choice. The Crook will leave.

The Crook walks out of the ring surrounded by security

[The Crock]

This is the best you got Laurinaitis? You got a bunch of Oompa Loompas to escort The Crock out of here? What is this? Snow white and the seven dwarfs? Yeah, you can kick The Crock out, but you can't stop him from running his mouth. You're gonna kick The Crock off of his own show, Preview? Maybe you are as dumb as you look John.

The Crock walks backstage, with security still surrounding him.

The Crock spots Jonathan Coachman standing against the wall.

[The Crock]

Oh, look at this. Look at this. Why you making your face like this Coach? What are you angry about? Why you mad? We're live here on Preview! Smile Coach, damn! We're in front of the millions and millions!

Coach starts to smile.

[The Crock]

Oh, there we go! You got something to say? Here, tell the world how you feel…

The Crock leans his microphone towards The Coach.

[Coach]

Well..

[The Crock]

Ahhhh, shut your mouth Jabroni!

[Laurinaitis]

Someone shut his microphone off! I've had enough of this! Get him out of the building!

[The Crock]

Oh damn… John, you're still in the ring? Well check it out, you want The Crock to take the night off. The Crock will go home and rest. Because in two weeks at SummerSlam, The Crock is gonna whoop Lufa's butt all over Philadelphia! But check this, you want The Crock to go home, that's fine. But in 3 seconds… In 3 seconds John, you're gonna have a bigger problem than The Crock.

3....

2....

1.....

[Cole]

OH MY!

[King]
It's CM PUP! He's back! Last we heard from PUP, he was fired by Mr. McMahon after he lost the WCC Championship to SCGD!

[Cole]

Folks, stay with us over the break, as we return live on Wednesday Night Preview, with CM PUP!

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

[Cole]
Welcome back to Wednesday Night Preview.
CM PUP has just made his return to the WCC and he's about to address the new League Commissioner, Mr. John Laurinaitis.

[Laurinaitis:]
Welcome back PUP, it's great to have you back here on Preview.

Laurinaitis extends his hand, but PUP refuses.

[PUP]
Well, well. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse than a talking computer, they make you the new Commissioner of the league.

[Laurinaitis]
PUP, I don't like your tone.
I haven't been Commissioner for more than 15 minutes and you're already attacking me.
If you just give me a chance to show you, and the rest of the WCC Universe what I can do, then I assure you, that you'll be happy that I am the new Commissioner.
I am here to serve the people and I'm here to give the WCC Universe what they want!

[PUP]
Well, you see Johnny. That's the thing. I just don't buy it.
You say you're here to serve the people?
You want to give these people what they want?
Well, I think what these people want is Santa Clara Gold Diggers vs. CM PUP
for the WCC Championship!

[Laurinaitis]
PUP, I can't give you that match.
You have to earn an opportunity like that, and I just don't see it.

[PUP]
Are you kidding me?
I was WCC Champion for 7 straight weeks. I was the longest reigning WCC Champion in the modern era.
The best regular season record last year. And according to Yahoo Sports, I had the best draft in the league!
No one can beat my team. I am number 1 in Power Rankings.
There is no one in the locker room that deserves a title shot more than me!

[Laurinaitis]
Enough PUP! You haven't earned a title shot.
Now show me some respect, and leave my ring.

[PUP]
Respect?
How's this for respect?!

Laurinaitis flinches and hits the mat.
He rolls out of the ring and walks up the ramp.

[Laurinaitis]
No! No. I've had enough of this. PUP, as long as I am the League Commissioner of the WCC, you will NEVER get a shot at the WCC Championship!

[Laurinaitis]
So allow me to introduce your opponent for SummerSlam.
The WCC's newest star and future WCC Champion.....
The Show Off...
Dolph Riggler!

Riggler steps into the ring and picks up a microphone.

[Riggler]
Hello, PUP.
Meet The Show Off.
And while your winning streak last season was impressive, you've never faced a Superstar like me. And at SummerSlam, I'm going to steal the show!

*Commercial*

[Matt Striker]
Ladies and gentlemen, joining me at this time….. Nyback!

*Fans Cheer*

[Striker]
Nyback, in two weeks at SummerSlam, you will make your debut here in the WCC when you play in your first Fantasy Football game in this league.
How does it feel? Are you nervous?

[Nyback]
Nervous? I don't get nervous.
Matt, I've been preparing for this moment my entire career.
I've dominated the developmental ranks and I have defeated jobber after jobber.
I'm ready for a real challenge and whoever they put in front of me.

[Striker]
You've been in the WCC Developmental league for years now, and you are undefeated.
But now, you're playing Fantasy Football on the biggest stage of them all.
What is going through your mind?

[Nyback]
It doesn't matter who I face, week in and week out, I'm out to prove that I can not only play Fantasy Football at this level, but I can dominate.
It doesn't matter who they put in front of me.
FEED ME MORE.
It doesn't matter who I face.
FEED ME MORE.
It doesn't matter who's on their team.
FEED ME MORE.
They say that in order to get to the top, you have stand on the shoulders of giants.
Well Matt, Not me.
I'm going to get to the top by taking down that giant.
FEED ME MORE!

Chuckanut walks in on the interview.

[King]
Oh my... it looks like Nyback has his plate full at SummerSlam!

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

[Cole]
Welcome back to Wednesday Night Preview, and what a show it has been so far, King.

[King]
What a show is right, Michael. And now we're joined by The Game!
What's Your Deal?

Single H steps into the ring and grabs a microphone.

[Singe H]
You know, tonight.
Tonight, I'm not in the best mood.
It's the start of a new season.
We have a new Commish.
We have new faces.
We have the return of CM PUP.

*Crowd Cheers*

[Fans]
CM PUP! CM PUP! CM PUP!

[Single H]
It's supposed to be a fresh start, but something is still bothering me.
I just can't get over last season.
For the first time in my WCC Career, I did not win the League Championship.
They say that The Game doesn't have it anymore.

They say that his reign on top is over.

That the Cerebral Sandwich doesn't exist in me anyymore.

Yahoo sports projects that I will finish in last place this year.

They say that I'm over the hill. But I know that I am still the best.

[Single H]
But before I start my journey back to the top.
Before I get back into the title picture...
There's just a little business that I need to take care of.
There's just a little issue of who attacked me and Evolution last season..

The coward that jumped me from behind and assaulted me when no one else was around to see. Well. Mystery man.
I know who you are.
So why don't you come out here right now.
And face me like a man.

[King]
Who is it Michael?

[Cole]
I have no idea King. But I think we're about to find out!

[Cole]
Oh no...
It can't be!

[King]
Oh my God, Michael!
It's... BROCK.... LESNAR

[Cole]
But wait... it's The Hiz! From behind!

[King]
Single H!
Turn around!

Single H turns around and hits Hiz with a Family Tree!

[Single H]
Team Howardo, you wanna threaten me? You want to attack me and my family?
Well in two weeks, it's gonna be me versus you.
No holds barred. No disqualification!

*Commercial*

[Cole]

And here we go King!

It's time for the WCC Championship Trophy Presentation!

Joining us now, the Chairman of the board.

Mr. McMahon!

Mr. McMahon steps into the ring and grabs a microphone.

[Mr. McMahon]

I would like to first off, start by saying...

WHAT A WAY TO KICK OFF WEDNESDAY NIGHT PREVIEW!

*Crowd Cheers*

[Mr. McMahon]

Give it up.

Give it up for yourselves. What a great crowd we have here tonight in the Edwards Jones Dome!

Give it up for St. Louis, Missouri!

Come on!

*Crowd Cheers*

[Mr. McMahon]

Come on! Give it up...

Give it up for a crowd full of morons that pay to watch WCC Superstars play Yahoo Fantasy Football...

*Crowd Boos*

[Mr. McMahon]

And to everyone watching at home.

Who spent the time to actually read this entire episode.

YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS!

Who actually spends their time writing this crap.

Because quite frankly, these "storylines" in reality mean absolutely nothing!

You've all wasted your time and money.. and have gotten dumber just reading this!

*Crowd Boos*

[Mr. McMahon]

But no matter, I am out here tonight to present the 2012 WCC Championship trophy to the youngest WCC Champion in League History...

My hand picked Champion, and the new face of the WCC...

SANTA CLARA GOLD DIGGERS!!!

[Mr. McMahon]

Give it up...

For SCGD!

*Fans Boo*

[SCGD]

Thank you. Thank you Mr. McMahon. It is an honor to stand here as WCC Champion. I have worked hard all season long to get to the top, and I deserve this. I am more dangerous than I have ever been. And I owe it to you Vince.

*Fans Boo*

[SCGD]

Without your blessing, I could not be here today. I appreciate everything you have done for me and I am proud to be your WCC Champion.

*Fans Boo*

[SCGD]

Now as far as Seadderall Seahawks is concerned.

I didn't know that he was going to Attitude Adjust The Crock. And I didn't need him to. I put up more fantasy points and I would've won anyway. But he did what he did and I took advantage.

*Fans Boo*

[SCGD]

I am a survivor.

I will win at all costs. Take a good look at this face.

Because you're looking at the new face of the WCC.

You are looking, at the WCC Champion!

The reign of SCGD begins tonight.

For everyone back there listening, this is MY league!

I am going to show the entire WCC that I am fearless... and I will be respected.

I will become the greatest WCC Champion of all time, and I will destroy anyone who gets in my way.

Because... my time is now.