Earth-????
Narrator
Back in our unknown universe, we open Week 4 in Jackson, Mississippi.
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Narrator
During their long journey throughout the offseason,
Kendrick Stark and Ellie have made a pitstop on their way to the Fireflies.
Rumor has it, a group of survivors have found settlement in this land.
Narrator
Inside the gates, we find a small town.
And while the group of survivors are initially weary of Stark and Ellie,
the tension soon dissipates as Kendrick Stark recognizes one of the town's survivors.
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Kendrick Stark
Rhodes!
James Rhodes
Holy shit... Ken.
What are you doing here?
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Kendrick Stark
Rhodey... you have no idea the journey that I've been on...
But it's good to see your face.
Good to see you're still alive...
James Rhodes
I reckon it's got something to do with that little girl you're with.
Kendrick Stark
It's got everything to do with that little girl.
James Rhodes
Well, come on in. Both of you.
We'll get you something to eat and you can tell me all about it.
WEST COAST KANG:
THE RISE OF THE CONQUEROR
Episode Four - The Big Beautiful Bill
Michael Cole
Welcome to Wednesday Night Preview!
We are live in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania for Week 4 in the West Coast Kang!
Michael Cole with my broadcast partner Pat McAfee,
as we get ready for another episode of West Coast Kang!
Pat McAfee
It is great to be here, Cole.
Through 3 weeks, we have a new #1 in Power Rankings.
#7tormsComing sits on top of all Fantasy Managers as we enter Week 4,
as he is now the only unbeaten Manager left
after defeating Return of the Mac also known as CFL.
Michael Cole
But that's not all, Rockson Reigns improved to 2-1,
defeating the previously undefeated Drew Minhtyre.
Dollar Discount Team got his first win of the season,
as Tai "Freakin'" defeated the Joycement Day 99.22 - 81.42.
And in our game of the week, Vincent Rhodes narrowly defeat CM PUP,
107.66 - 104.62 with a 45 yard field goal to jump to 3rd place.
*AL-LEX Knight's Music Hits*
Pat McAfee
Look out, Cole!
Here comes the Megastar! AL-LEX KNIGHT.... YEAAAAH!
Michael Cole
Last season's runner up, and in his short time in the WCC,
AL-LEX Knight has seen quite a bit of success.
After early struggles in his first year in the League,
AL-LEX Knight has since made the playoffs for 3 straight years.
He nearly won it all in 2022 and in 2024,
with many pundits saying it's just a matter of time before the Megastar
becomes a League Champion in the West Coast Cousins.
Pat McAfee
Well, he has an uphill battle to climb this season, Cole.
He picked up his first win of the season in Week 3 in impressive fashion,
scoring the highest total in Week 3 of all Fantasy Managers with 135.44.
But at 1-2, and still in 9th place, AL-LEX Knight has some ground to make up.
It's still early, but the loss of James Conner won't help his cause.
AL-LEX Knight
Let me talk to ya...
*Crowd Cheers*
AL-LEX Knight
Listen, Council of Kang. Kang Universe, whatever it is you wanna call this place,
let me make it known that AL-LEX Knight is here for the Kang Games... YEAH!
Council of Kangs
YEAH!
AL-LEX Knight
It hasn't been the prettiest of starts, I'll be the first to admit it.
But with the performance of the week, we're starting to find our groove now... YEAH!
I look at my team and I see a lot of talent, I see a lot of potential.
David Montgomery, one half of the two headed monsters in Detroit.
Bill Croskey-Merrit... and of course the leader of the pack, Jalen Hurts... YEAH!
Council of Kangs
YEAH!
AL-LEX Knight
As we end the first quarter of the season, things are starting to turn for the Megastar.
And don't forget, I've got a bench ready to step up if I need 'em.
AL-LEX Knight
So to all the boys and girls in the back.
All the former League Champions...
I'm putting everybody on notice!
Each season, I keep getting better and it's only a matter of time
before I etch my name in the history books of the West Coast Cousins.
With everybody sayin'....
AL-LEX KNIGHT.....
Council of Kangs
YEAH!
*Drew Minhtyre's Music Hits*
Drew Minhtyre
Cut my music!
Cut it... the same way they ought to cut your microphone.
*Crowd Boos*
Drew Minhtyre
If you're an idiot... say YEAH!
Council of Kangs
YEAH!
Drew Minhtyre
That's what I thought.
AL-LEX Knight, the so called Megastar.
But when I look at you, the only thing I see is a mega fraud.
Because the truth is, I'm sick and tired of all the loud mouth charlatans in this league.
Hypocrites like John Seana.
Transitional Champions like Tai Rollins.
...don't even get me started on CM PUP.
Drew Minhtyre
And then there's you, AL-LEX Knight.
With everybody sayin' blah blah blah.
You talk a big game Knight, but I don't buy it.
You don't have the look, you don't have the physique,
your promo skills are overrated and I cringe at the way you manage your team.
Meanwhile, a guy like me.
A guy like me who has worked his arse off to be where I am today.
I've earned my place in this league.
I'm not just handed things like you are.
Alex, I'm sure you're real proud of your awesome team,
finishing in 2nd place last season was no easy feat.
But trust me, I speak from experience when I say almost doesn't count!
Drew Minhtyre
Alex's Almost Team, that's what they're gonna call you.
You had your moment, you had your shine.
Now it's back of the line for you, my friend.
The days of AL-LEX Knight in the main event are over.
You had your opportunity to win a League Championship and you blew it.
Drew Minhtyre
Now it's my time.
2025 is the year of Drew Minhtyre.
And it's about time I started getting some respect around here.
Because quite frankly for 16 years, I have busted my arse in this league.
If anybody deserves to be in the Final Universe, it's me!
....
You see, I am the Chosen One.
I am destined for greatness....
AL-LEX Knight
Destined for greatness? Na! Na!
Aren't you the same jackass who only scored 48 points in Week 3?
I'll tell you what Drew, the only thing you're destined for is an ass whoppin'
courtesy of the Megastar, AL-LEX Knight... YEAH!
The Chosen One, huh? That's a great nickname, if you like it so much,
why don't you get that tatted on your back?
Yeah, I'll tell you what Drew.
You're right about being the Chosen One.
Because I choose you!
This Sunday at Crown Jewel for Week 4!
The Megastar AL-LEX Knight takes on The Chosen One, Drew Minhtyre!
How about that?
Drew Minhtyre
One on one? This Sunday?
You sure you wanna do this, Knight?
AL-LEX Knight
Come on Drew, do you even have to ask....? YEAAAH!
Drew Minhtyre
Good. You're on Megastar.
And I can't wait to wipe that stupid smirk off your face once and for all...
AL-LEX Knight
Wipe that smirk off my face?
You know what? You're here, I'm here.
All these fans are here, they paid for a ticket.
Why wait until Sunday?
I say, let's get it on right here, right now, live in Philadelphia!
*Crowd Cheers*
Drew Minhtyre
Right here? Right now?
You want a piece of Drew Minhtyre?
AL-LEX Knight
AL-LEX Knight
YEAAAH!
Drew Minhtyre
Well to that, I say..... no.
Drew Minhtyre walks back up the ramp as the crowd begins to boo.
Michael Cole
Oh, come on!
Drew Minhtyre walking away like a coward.
Pat McAfee
These people may have paid for a ticket,
but they didn't pay to watch Drew Minhtyre and AL-LEX Knight tonight.
They're gonna have to wait until Sunday like the rest of us.
Michael Cole
AL-LEX Knight doesn't look too pleased about it,
but this Week 4 match will come to you live this Sunday at our upcoming PLE,
West Coast Kang presents Crown Jewel.
We cut backstage to Davante Adams, Paul Heyman and Jauan Jennings.
Davante Adams
Hell yeah... back to back wins and leading all Managers in points.
We're about to do this thing, Wiseman.
We're about to run this back...
And I'm saying man... 3 receptions for 56 yards and a touchdown.
I can still do this, Paul.
I just need more targets, but I'm still an elite option in the league.
And if our Tribal Chief starts me every week,
I promise you we're gonna win a lot of games.
Paul Heyman
Davante, trust me. The Tribal Chief has full confidence in your ability.
'Big Time' Davante Adams.
And with a performance like that over Drew Minhtyre,
I'm sure you're in line for many more opportunities.
Davante Adams
That's right.
What about you, Jauan?
You plan on helping out anytime soon or you just gonna dye your hair another color?
We need you out there and when Brock get back, we can stack those points.
Davante Adams and Jauan Jennings stop mid sentence
as they enter their locker room.
Davante Adams
Looks like y'all in the wrong locker room, huh?
The camera pans to find the Joycement Day inside the Bloodline's locker room.
Baker Mayfield
Nah, we're exactly where we're supposed to be.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
As we return from commercial break,
we find the Bloodline face to face with the Joycement Day.
Rhea Joycely
Everybody out.
Mr. Heyman and I, have to have a little chat.
The two teams exit the room,
all except for Keenan Allen and Jauan Jennings.
Rhea Joycely
Keenan, I'll be fine.
Keenan Allen leaves as Jennings stares down Joycely.
Paul Heyman
Jauan, it's okay.
Thank you, sir. But it's okay.
We're just gonna have a chat, that's all.
Paul Heyman
So, let's talk.
Rhea Joycely
Well, Paul. Let's just get one thing straight.
Rockson Reigns and the Bloodline,
we respect everything that Reigns has been able to do in the West Coast Cousins.
Some say, he's the most successful non-cousin that this League has ever seen.
And this Sunday, Rockson Reigns and the Bloodline take on the Joycement Day.
I'm no fool, Paul.
I know Rockson Reigns is going to be a tough matchup.
And whoever wins on Sunday, they're not automatically going to be named League Champion.
The Kang Games is a marathon.
So I'm thinking about the long haul.
Paul Heyman
The long haul?
Rhea Joycely
That's right.
The Bloodline and the Joycement Day.
Two of the greatest factions the West Coast Cousins has ever seen.
Hell, two of the greatest Fantasy Managers this league has ever seen.
We should help each other out.
Beyond Week 4, there is an entire season ahead of us.
If we work together, it'll ensure that at least one of us will make it to the end.
And if you help broker a deal between Rockson Reigns and I,
I won't forget it when I'm sitting atop my throne in the Final Universe.
Paul Heyman
Your throne? That's cute, Rhea.
I'm sure somewhere in that delusional mind of yours, this all makes sense to you.
A Final Universe run by Rhea Joycely and the Joycement Day... a pipe dream.
We all know that it'll be Rockson Reigns managing things in the Final Universe.
Rhea Joycely
Listen, Paul. I get it.
You're dedicated to your Tribal Chief.
But if you can broker a deal between our teams.
Maybe barter a trade or two, I can see a world where you're on good terms
with both Rockson Reigns and the Joycement Day.
You're not dumb, Paul. You're an opportunist.
It would be wise for the Wiseman to hedge his bets, don't you think?
Paul Heyman
A word of caution, Rhea.
Rockson Reigns may not be here tonight, but he is at home, watching the show.
And if word gets back that you've been disrespecting him,
I guarantee you that he will not be happy and you will pay for it on Sunday.
So word to the wise, if I were you, I'd be very careful with what I say next.
Rhea Joycely
I don't have to be careful with anything that I say.
Because when this is all said and done, I will be a 4x League Champion.
And you will Acknowledge Me as your Tribal Queen.
Paul Heyman does not look happy with Joycely's comments.
Rhea Joycely
Broker the deal, Paul.
Get approval from Rockson Reigns.
Let him know that I have a trade offer.
And maybe one day, I'll consider taking you on as my advisor.
I bet it would be nice for you to advocate for an Omega Level Fantasy Manager once again.
Rhea Joycely leaves the locker room as Paul Heyman picks up his phone.
Paul Heyman
Call Rockson Reigns.
We cut to AL-LEX Knight who is still looking for Drew Minhtyre.
AL-LEX Knight
Yo, Drew. Where you at?
I ain't done with our little conversation we had out there.
Where you hiding?
AL-LEX Knight enters Drew Minhtyre's locker room.
AL-LEX Knight
You in here? Drew? What the hell is this?
Council of Kangs
OHHHHH.....
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Earth-616
Narrator
At Fox River Penitentiary,
Captain Covfefe and Coach Rockson arrive for their visit.
Captain Covfefe
I'll be honest, it feels weird to be back here.
Coach Rockson
Well, at least you don't have to look over your shoulder.
Captain Covfefe
Still doesn't feel right.
Coach Rockson
Trust me, if our asset wasn't incarcerated in this facility,
we wouldn't be here.
Captain Covfefe
What can you tell me about the asset?
Coach Rockson
Well for one, he was the former President of the United States.
And in his time, he managed to get his hand on all Six Fantasy Stones,
deporting half of the country in the process.
And personally, he was the toughest foe that I had ever gone against.
Some say he's worst than Hitler.
Captain Covfefe
That's a tall task, sir.
For someone so dangerous, why did you decide to put him in Fox River?
You would think he'd be fit to be in a more secure location.
Coach Rockson
I have someone watching over him.
Vin Snow
Sir, we have an issue.
Coach Rockson
What issue?
Vin Snow
Vin Snow
It's Donald Trump, sir. He's gone.
Coach Rockson
Gone? What do you mean gone?!
Vin Snow
I've been trying to reach you.
We checked the security footage inside his cell and something isn't adding up.
Look here at minute 12, we can clearly see Donald Trump sitting in his cell by himself.
Then, in the very next frame, he vanishes into thin air.
In a span of a second, he goes from sitting in his cell to disappearing.
We see a clip of Donald Trump disappearing from the frame.
Coach Rockson
How in the hell...?
Wait, hold on. Freeze that frame. I think I saw something.
Coach Rockson
Son of a bitch...
Vin Snow
What? What do you see?
Coach Rockson
It's him. Kang the Conqueror.
He must have manipulated time.
He stopped time and entered Trump's cell and freed him before we even knew what happened.
Vin Snow
How do you know?
Coach Rockson
Kang the Conqueror is mentioned several times in our database.
He's a Time Tyrant, responsible for multiversal incursions and disruption of several timelines.
And he got to Donald Trump before we did.
Captain Covfefe
Guys... has anyone checked his cell?
Because I see someone in there now.
Captain Covfefe
Put your hands where I can see them and turn around.
Donald Trump
America's #1 Super Soldier, Captain Covfefe.
It's an honor to finally meet you...
Captain Covfefe
Wish I could say the same. But it's not an honor to meet a dictator.
Not unless I'm putting a stop to them.
Donald Trump turns around, revealing his face.
Donald Trump
A dictator?
Did you come up with that yourself?
Or are you brain washed by the woke liberal media?
A shame.
I had hoped the great Captain Covfefe wouldn't think of me as a dictator.
But you know, a lot of people are saying maybe we'd like a dictator.
Maybe we need it.
Captain Covfefe
Bucky...?
Coach Rockson
I don't know who the hell that is, but that is not Donald Trump!
Captain Covfefe
Coach, he looks like my friend.
Kenneth 'Bucky K9' Walker. We fought together in WWII.
Donald Trump
Sounds like they left you in the ice for far too long, Rogers.
Coach Rockson
This isn't Donald Trump. This is more of Kang's doing.
He's behind all of it.
This here is a Donald Trump variant.
Captain Covfefe
But why does he look like Walker?
Coach Rockson
It's the multiverse, Cap.
The same reason President Biden's would be assassin,
Lloyd Hansen, looks just like you.
We have to find Donald Trump-616.
Where ever he's gone, he is very dangerous.
Donald Trump
I can tell you where he went.
But first, how about we make a deal?
If you can get me out of this prison, I can tell you everything I know about the multiverse.
And trust me when I tell you, I know a lot about the multiverse.
Some say more than anyone who has ever lived.
You're going to want to hear what I have to say.
Coach Rockson
You don't have a bargaining chip and we do not negotiate with terrorists.
Snow, place him in confinement.
Vin Snow
Yes, sir.
Donald Trump
Rogers, are you really going to let them do this to your friend?
Don't turn your back on me.
Captain Covfefe
You're not my friend.
And you're not K9 - you're a joke.
Earth-415
Narrator
We return to Earth-415, where Donald Trump-616 has since been elected
as the 47th President of the United States.
With help from Kang's timeline manipulation,
the addition of Donald Trump-616 to Earth-415's timeline is seamless.
Kang the Conqueror has applied a real version of the Mandela Effect onto the residents of Earth-415.
To all those who can remember, Donald Trump-616 has always been their 47th President.
Donald Trump
Today, we are here to sign a historic bill.
And it is so important for our country.
I call it the Big Beautiful Bill and believe me, it is beautiful.
This bill will not only bring our country back, but it will protect our citizens.
Included in this bill, a ban has been placed on all radical, dangerous late night talk show hosts.
These talk show hosts are terrible, terrible people,
poisoning the American people with dangerous rhetoric's and fake news.
We can't allow it to happen any longer.
Starting to today, all late night talk show hosts will undergo rigorous re-training
and require conditional approval of their broadcast before they are allowed to air.
Donald Trump
And as we announced a few weeks ago,
Nico Collins has officially been named as the New Captain Covfefe.
But now with this amendment in the Big Beautiful Bill,
the West Coast Cousins is now an official government operated entity.
Under the National Security Council, we will oversee the West Coast Cousins.
Nico Collins will lead the West Coast Cousins
to heights never seen before, isn't that right?
And as their first action, we will deploy the West Coast Cousins
to many cities across the United States to crackdown on crime and illegal immigration.
Starting with immigrants with H-1B visas, which are now BANNED!
We will start the deportation process for illegal immigrants and criminals in our country.
In addition, dangerous drugs and medication like Tylenol have also been banned.
This is a sweeping new revolutionary change that will bring this country back like never before.
Together with the West Coast Cousins, we will clean up these streets
and we will put a stop to rogue vigilantes.
Donald Trump
Today marks a historic day in our country.
With the signing of the Big Beautiful Bill, we will make America great again!
