As we open Week 9, President Biden enters his motorcade.
Narrator
After a busy week in New Mexico,
President Biden prepares for his next event
alongside his Secret Service.
President Biden
Where to next, David?
David Cho
We have a press conference in Albuquerque,
we'll be there shortly Mr. President.
President Biden's motorcade keeps driving, missing their exit.
President Biden
Oh, hey! We missed our exit, David.
Come on, we're on a tight schedule, man.
David Cho
Sorry, Mr. President, there's been a change of plans.
I've just received orders that we're taking a detour.
President Biden
A detour?
On whose authority?
You take orders from me, man.
Gas is released from the car,
putting the President to sleep.
We cut to the deserts of New Mexico.
Donald Trump
Take it off.
It's time to wake up, sleepy Joe.
Trump's Inner Circle takes off the bag.
Donald Trump
It's about time we had a little talk,
don't you think?
After all, what good is this country without bipartisanship?
President Biden
Son of a bitch.
I'm the President of the United States, goddamnit!
You can't just kidnap me and do whatever you like!
Donald Trump
Calm down, Joe.
Can't I do whatever I like?
How does it feel?
You're the most powerful man in the world.
But you're powerless against me.
You are inferior, Joe. You're nothing to me.
I could squash you like a bug, and there's nothing anyone can do about it.
I've shown the world what real power is.
President Biden
Why don't you just kill me...?
Donald Trump
Kill you? Is that what you think of me?
I won't kill you, no. Your punishment must be more severe.
I don't want to kill you.
I want you to suffer.
For four years, I sat in your position as all the Fake News outlets
threw my name in the mud.
They never gave me a chance.
I fought an uphill battle the moment I stepped foot in the Oval Office.
Now, I want you to feel what I felt.
Donald Trump
You see, Joe. I've evolved.
I've evolved past the title of President.
I... I am a God.
And with the Fantasy Stones, I can do whatever I want.
And I want you to serve me, Joe.
You serve the American people.
You serve the United Confederacy of America.
And now, you serve your God.
Donald Trump
I want you to cease all efforts in reversing the Deportations.
And then, I want you to change your tone.
You are no longer anti-Donald Trump.
I want you to tell the world what a great job I've done.
You tell them, I handed you this country on a silver platter.
Crime is down, the economy is up.
I've set this country on the right course and now we're destined
to be great for the next thousand years.
Tell the American people that I was right.
Tell them the Deportations were necessary.
President Biden
Or else you'll do what?
Donald Trump
What did you say?
President Biden
Tell the American people how great you are, or else you'll do what?
Kill me?
You already stated that you won't.
So I've got nothing to lose.
I won't be your puppet.
Donald Trump
Heh.
You're right. I won't kill you.
But you will tell the American people what I want.
Otherwise... this becomes a much simpler matter.
I will kill your wife.
I will kill your crackhead son.
I will kill your infant granddaughter.
The entire Biden bloodline. Erased from existence.
That, is what a God can do.
I'll let you decide which route you want to take.... Mr. President.
WEST COAST COUSINS:
ENDGAME
ENDGAME
Episode Nine - No Way Out
Dalvin Cook
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
David, Amari, are we sure about this?
Do we really want to do this?
Do we really trust this guy?
Amari Cooper
Aw, come on guys. It'll be fun.
I mean, who can say they're about to do what we're about to do?
I don't think anyone has ever done what we're about to do...
We can be pioneers in this Fantasy League.
We can be the very first black time travelers.
Come on, who else can say that?
David Montgomery
Well, I'm on IR.
So I don't really have anything to lose.
Dalvin Cook
Yeah, yeah. But let's think about this.
Do we really want to trust some mysterious old man without a face?
I mean, no one has even seen what he looks like
and he's so old... and mysterious.
Amari Cooper
Hmmm... that's a good point...
But we're talking about time travel!
Come on! We're never going to get another opportunity to do this.
Dalvin Cook
Alright, fine. We're in.
What do we have to do?
Noah
I cannot promise that the three of you will come out of this unscathed,
but your actions can change the course of our future, forever.
Lift up the curtain and you will unveil your mechanism of travel.
The New Day-Lorean.
You will travel to the year 1999 and assist John Seana
in obtaining the Underchucker's Urn against the Minhistry of Darkness.
1999?
Holy crap, that means we can watch
new episodes of my favorite show, Kenan & Kel!
David Montgomery
Kenan & Kel?
You know that they won't be new episodes, right?
Just because we're going to 1999, doesn't make them new.
Amari Cooper
Yeah, but it'll feel brand new.
Noah
Be careful, New Day.
What you do from here on out will determine
the outcome of our fate.
Amari Cooper
Awww... here it goes!
*Commercial*
Mark Zuckerberg
Introducing Meta, we'll still track your data,
but hopefully, now you won't know it's us.
New product same as the old product.
We just changed the color of the cap is all.
Welcome to Meta, where Connection is Evolving
and we still know what you're doing.
*Commercial*
Jim Ross
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to WCCF Preview.
The landscape of the WCCF has
shifted significantly over the past 24 hours.
Victor Angle, the former League Leader in Points has reportedly
suffered multiple serious injuries, including calf strains,
ankle injuries and a foot fracture.
As an early season favorite, Victor Angle's season is suddenly in jeopardy
as we are just four nights away from No Way Out.
King
Meanwhile, Santa Clara Lesnar continues to stay ahead of the pack,
the new League Leader in points is an impressive 7-1
and will be looking to obtain the all important first round bye.
However, after SC Lesnar, it's anybody's race
as we begin to Road to FantasyMania!
*The Corporation's Music Hits*
Jim Ross
And as we kick things off,
Shane McMahon and The Corporation, making their way down to the ring.
Word is just getting back to us,
we've been told that Vince McMahon has been hospitalized
following last night's attack by Stone Cold Steve Pupstin.
We'd like to wish Mr. McMahon a speedy recovery.
King
Oh gosh, I hope Mr. McMahon is alright.
I knew they shouldn't have lifted Pupstin's suspension.
You see what happens when you let a rattlesnake on the loose?
Shane McMahon
Last night at Armageddon, The Baugh was screwed.
*Crowd Boos*
Jim Ross
Oh, give me a break!
Shane McMahon
That's right, The Baugh was screwed out of his match with Pupstin,
when Stone Cold unfairly used a steel chair,
hitting The Baugh right in his head.
I don't think that's fair at all.
Jim Ross
You brought the damn chair into the match!
How about that, Shane?
Shane McMahon
And after the match, Stone Cold proved once again
why he deserves to be suspended.
Stone Cold is a menace, and trust me we'll deal with you later.
Karma is going to catch up to Stone Cold.
But in the mean time, I would like to discuss this Sunday's Pay Per View, No Way Out.
You see, with a win, The Baugh was back in line for a title shot.
The Baugh continues to be a front runner in this league,
and because he was cheated out of his victory last night,
as Co-Owner of the WCCF, I am granting The Baugh
a Championship opportunity this Sunday against SC Lesnar!
*Crowd Boos*
Jim Ross
You've got to be kidding me!
How many opportunities is The Baugh going to get?
King
He's earned it, JR.
You heard Shane, The Baugh was cheated!
Crowd
ASSHOLE! ASSHOLE!
ASSHOLE!
The Baugh
Thank you, Shane.
Thank you for calling it like it is.
You see, The Baugh was exactly 5 seconds away
from laying the smackdown on that bald headed piece of trailer park trash.
But with the decisive action of one, Shane McMahon,
we all know that The Baugh should be next.
The Baugh
All season long, The Baugh has been screwed.
First by Commissioner Foley, then by Stone Cold.
But now The Baugh is going to take matters into his own hands.
This Sunday, The Baugh dethrones Santa Clara Lesnar.
They like to refer to SC Lesnar as The Next Big Thing.
Well The Baugh says, you are the next big thing.
That's right, you're the next big thing to get their candy ass
whooped by The Corporate Champ, The Baugh!
And you wanna know something else, Santa-
We cut to Mr. McMahon in the hospital.
King
Oh wait a minute....
it's Mr. McMahon in the hospital.
Oh God, he's in pain, someone get him some medication!
Mr. McMahon
I've been here all night, damnit.
When is the doctor going to see me?
Nurse
Okay, Mr. McMahon, I think the doctor is coming in now.
Steve Pupstin
Oh, I'll take it from here, nurse.
Mr. McMahon
....
Nooo! Nooo! Ahhh!
Pupstin charges in and pummels away at Mr. McMahon.
Mr. McMahon
Ahh!!! Someone get him off me!
Pupstin continues to beat up Mr. McMahon,
hitting him in the head with a bedpan.
King
Oh my God! Someone help him!
Shane McMahon is left in the ring speechless
as we head to commercial break.
*Commercial*
Introducing the all new Sega Dreamcast.
The Playstation 2 Killer, Dreamcast.
It's Thinking.
*Commercial*
Jim Ross
We are back on Preview, folks and as you can see,
Chris Vinson has made his way down to the ring and is voicing
his displeasure with the fans here in Las Vegas.
Chris Vinson
I can't be the only one sick of Stone Cold Steve Pupstin.
I mean honestly,
what does he have to do be permanently banned from the league?
We just saw him assault Mr. McMahon at a hospital.
He destroyed Vince's convertible, drenched this ring with alcohol.
And you idiots are the reason why gets away with it.
*Crowd Boos*
Chris Vinson
I tried to be the better man. I tried to turn the other cheek.
But quite frankly, I am sick of the disrespect.
I went to the Board of Directors with my grievances,
and the only answer they could give me,
is Stone Cold Steve Pupstin is the #1 Top Seller on WWCFShopZone.com
What a joke! I am 10x the Fantasy Manager that Pupstin is.
Allow me to list all the reasons why I am the superior to Stone Cold.
Chris Vinson
Reason #1, I am far more entertaining.
Reason #2, I have the better Fantasy Team.
Reason #3, I am better looking than Steve Pupstin.
I can go on for days.
Chris Vinson
#46, I have more Fantasy Points than Pupstin.
#88, I have better hair than Stone Cold.
#122, I have Tom Brady on my Fantasy Team.
#131, Pupstin is an asshole.
*Crowd Boos*
Chris Vinson
Shut up! I'm not done yet.
#159, I am the superior promo.
#177, Pupstin never threw me the ball.
#192, Pupstin is still an asshole.
Jim Ross
Oh God, are we gonna have to hear this all night?
Chris Vinson
But the most important reason of all...
this Sunday at No Way Out, I'm going to kick your ass!
I'm going to prove why Y2V is better than the former 3x League Champion.
Because Chris Vinson is the most overlooked Fantasy Manager in the entire league.
I am not a joker, I am serious!
I will make a statement this Sunday.
Until then, Reason #212, Pupstin is a jerk.
Jim Ross
We now go backstage where Josh Matthews is standing by
with the WCCF Champion, Santa Clara Lesnar.
Josh Matthews
SC, earlier tonight Shane McMahon announced
that this Sunday at No Way Out, you will be competing
against last season's League Champion, The Baugh.
I think it's safe to say that you know The Baugh well.
Given that you've shared the stage together at FantasyMania IV,
and your numerous high stake matches.
But how do you account for the involvement of The Corporation?
SC Lesnar
Josh, I'm not worried about The Corporation,
if that's what your asking.
Just two weeks ago, I beat The Baugh and Single H at the same time.
I'm not afraid of anything they have to give me.
SC Lesnar
Nobody has been able to crack me up until this point.
Week 1 was a fluke and I've shown the entire WCCF
why I am going to be the next WCCF League Champion.
I'm taking this title with me all the way to FantasyMania,
and then I'm becoming a 3x League Champion.
Paul Heyman
Santa Clara... Santa Clara.
Paul Heyman interrupts the interview.
Paul Heyman
Excuse me, Josh.
I am having a private conversation with my client,
The Next Big Thing, Santa Clara Lesnar.
Now I ask... that you get the hell out of my way.
SC Lesnar
You've got 2 seconds, Paul.
Paul Heyman
That's all the time that I need.
SC, I know you've done well for yourself.
You've shown that you know how to manage your team.
Paul Heyman inches towards the WCCF Championship.
Paul Heyman
But... we're talking about Shane McMahon and the Corporation.
They undoubtedly have something up their sleeves this Sunday.
It would be wise if you kept me in your corner...
SC Lesnar
I know what you're trying to do, Heyman.
My contract with you is up at the end of this season.
And you want to me to keep you on the payroll.
Well Paul, I've shown you that I don't need you.
I'm going to do this, and I'm going to do it by myself.
Stay out of my match.
SC Lesnar picks up the WCCF Championship and walks out,
as Heyman can only watch as we go off the air.
