Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Fantasy War Episode 8 - Halloween Havoc



Coach Justin
So we lost the congresswoman.
What now, boss?



The Baugh
We need to find that son of a bitch.
And the only way we can beat him,
is with the Time Stone.



Mr. Nobody
Under no circumstance, can we bring the Time Stone to Donald.



Detective Tai
It actually might be our best chance at beating him.
We don't even know what that thing can do.
I mean couldn't we have brought Kanye back to life?

Mr. Nobody
And do what exactly?
As I recall, he may have been unarmed,
but he was very dangerous throwing dodgeballs at all of you.
Plus, it's too late.
The media already reported his death.
We can't have a zombie Kanye walking around.

Detective Tai
Well we're seriously undermanned.
We need to use the stone to our advantage.



Coach Justin
I got backup on the way.
Made a call to a buddy of mine, you might know him, Baugh.
He comes from the Professional Fantasy Managing world like you,
Dave Batista. And hey, I think he might even be a better actor than you too.



The Baugh
It's not enough. We need more help.
Damnit, I might need to make a call to the Fruity Pebble bitch,
John Seana.



Mysterious Old Man
John Seana cannot help you.
At least, not right now.
But you will need to prepare.. as they are coming.

The Baugh
Who in the blue hell is this roody poo, candy ass?



Mysterious Old Man
It doesn't matter what my name is.
Just know I am here to help.
And you must get ready.

The Baugh
For Trump?

Mysterious Old Man

No. For Kevlo Stanfield.



WEST COAST COUSINS:
FANTASY WAR

Episode Eight - Halloween Havoc

 

We're really glad that you're our friend.
And this is a friendship that'll never ever end.


Minh Wyatt
Hello everyone!
And welcome back to the Firefly Funhouse!


Minh Wyatt
Minh Wyatt here again to remind you...
that Love trumps Hate. Always.

Kids
Awwwww

*Ding Dong*

Minh Wyatt
Oh boy, Fireflies!
It looks like we have a visitor!
I wonder who it could be?


Minh Wyatt
Gasps:
Look everyone! It's Postman Pearce.


Minh Wyatt
And that reminds me, Fireflies.
Have you gotten your mail in ballots in?
Don't forget to get your ballots postmarked by November 3rd!


Minh Wyatt
Postman Pearce, 
who are you voting for in this upcoming election?

Postman Pearce
Umm... Minh.
 I don't think that's any of your business, who I'm voting for.


Minh Wyatt
.....
So you aren't going to tell me who you're voting for?


Minh Wyatt
Well that's okay!
Because I'll tell you who I'm voting for.
I'll even vote for him right in front of you!


Minh Wyatt
Fireflies, in this upcoming election.
The most important election of our entire lifetime.
I'm voting for Joe Biden and giving him my full endorsement!
And let me tell you why...
I had a chance to meet Joe Biden.
I even shook his hand, with these beautiful gloves.
And you know what? Joe Biden is a very nice man.
He was very convincing.
But I'm afraid... I was even more convincing.
.. if you know what I mean.


Joe Biden
All men and women are created by... go...
you know the thing.


Joe Biden
They don't call it Super Tuesday for nothing!
By the way, this is my little sister, Valerie.
And I'm Joe's husband.
Oh no, this is Valerie. You switched on me!


Joe Biden
I want to be clear, I'm not going nuts.
I'm Joe Biden, and I approve this message.


Minh Wyatt
Laughing:
And so you see...
when you elect Joe Biden into the presidency,
you're electing a very competent man.
You're putting a man in power,
who clearly has all his marbles
and all his ducks in a row.
He would never EVER be easily influenced,
by a psycho lunatic like me.
Hahaha...


Minh Wyatt
So Postman Pearce...
are you gonna vote for Joe Biden?

Postman Pearce
Umm.. I mean... I don't know?

Minh Wyatt
Why the uncertainty?
Just let him in the office.
Joe Biden has let me in.
Why won't you?
...
Hahahahaha....SEE YA NEXT TIME!!!
BYE!!!!


We're really glad that you're our friend.
And this is a friendship that'll never ever end.

*Commercial*


*Commercial*


Narrator
Now that indoor gyms have re-opened in San Francisco,
CM PUP finds himself back in the weight room,
trying to pick up the pieces after a Week 7 loss.


Narrator
It has been a long season for the 3x League Champion,
but with players soon returning back from injury,
he looks to make a run a late season run for this year's playoffs.


Kenny Omega appears in a vision.

Kenny Omega
Another week, and another loss for CM PUP.
How does it feel to be a mid-tier Fantasy Manager?
Are you enjoying the mediocrity?

 

CM PUP
Why are you in my head?
Get out.


Kenny Omega
You want to know why you're struggling?
It's not because of any ring rust.
It's because you're not being your true self.
You can act like you want to save the 
West Coast Cousins all you want.
But I know your true nature.


Kenny Omega
You're aren't a babyface. Stop trying to be one.
It's time to embrace the hate.
Only then will you truly meet your full potential.
CM PUP, allow me to clean up your mess.


Back in the ring, Dolph Riggler celebrates his Top 6 spot
as we head into Week 8.

Dolph Riggler
You see, it's been an up and down season for yours truly.
But after 7 weeks, not only am I right in the heart of the playoff race,
I'm only getting better.
The addition of Rob Gronkowski will take my team to the next level.
And there isn't a Fantasy Manager in this league who can stop me.


*Single H's Music Hits*


Single H
Really? This is what you're going with?
You're gloating over a 3-4 record?


Single H
You know Dolph, in the years that I've seen you in this league.
You've done well for yourself.
2 League Championships, and nearly a 3rd one last year.
It's an impressive resume, certainly not easy.
But I do have to say.
I have never seen a truly dominant performance from you.
Every time, you weasel your way into the playoffs,
and get on a hot run towards the end of the season.
And this year, looks no different.

Dolph Riggler
I win when it counts.


Single H
See, that's cute.
You win when it counts.
Well I'm sick of you sneaking into the playoffs, "Mr. FantasyMania."
That's why, it's my goal to stop you from even making it that far.
Let's see if you got what it takes to take on The Game?


Rockson Reigns
Not so fast.
You see, my guy Dolph.
No one lays a finger on him until FantasyMania.
Until then, you have to go through me.


Single H
It doesn't matter who you pretend to be.
You could come up with a million more characters,
but at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is,
come Sunday, the only thing you'll be seeing,
is those bright lights as you lay flat on the canvas.
Because I'm gonna plant your ass down, 1-2-3.
And it'll be such an ass kicking, I'll retire Rockson Reigns.
And then Dolph Riggler will have to finish out the season.
Now do you believe that?

*Commercial*


*Commercial*


*John Seana's Music Hits*


*Crowd Boos*

Jim Ross
Never without controversy, the undefeated John Seana,
comes to us live on Preview.
Love him or hate him, you have to respect him.
John Seana has made a complete turn around from last season,
and now he sits atop the standings.

King
He is certainly making a statement this season.
I have him and Single H as the two favorites to win it all.


*Crowd Boos*

Crowd
Let's Go Seana!
SEANA SUCKS!
Let's Go Seana!
SEANA SUCKS!


John Seana
You see, that's what I love about the WCC!
There is nothing like the WCC Universe.
I mean where else can you go
and hear the excitement of 40,000 screaming that you suck?

*Crowd Boos*

John Seana
There is passion in the WCC Universe that is unmatched
and an authenticity of a live crowd
showing you exactly how they feel about you! 


John Seana
And that is what makes this League great.
That is what makes this country great!
Expressing your right to speech!
So we can have an old grumpy fat guy,
talk about making this country great again.
But in my eyes, this country has always been great!

*Crowd Cheers*


John Seana
But let's get down to brass tacks here.
To this point, no one has solved the puzzle that is John Seana.
7 up, and 7 down.
It's a testament to how hard I worked this past offseason
and how many mock drafts I went through.
Finally, that hard work is paying off.
But the job's not finished yet.
We are only half way through the season,
and this Sunday, I go for an all-time record.
This Sunday, I attempt to be the first Fantasy Manager in league history,
to start the season 8-0.


John Seana
I have a lot of respect for the Fantasy Managers that came before me.
2009, the inaugural season of the West Coast Cousins,
the Underchucker started his streak winning 7 straight games.
He was known as the Phenom and no one ever thought
that a performance like that could be repeated.
Until 2017, when CM PUP came onto the scene
and started off the season 7-0.
I applaud those two for their efforts,
but neither of them won the League Championship that season.
And being a historian of this league,
it's my job to make sure history doesn't repeat itself.
It is my job to rewrite the history books
and break new records as I go for an 8-0 start.
And ultimately, the biggest prize of them all.
The WCC League Championship!

*Sandy Orton's Music Hits*



Jim Ross
Business is about to pick up on Wednesday Night Preview
Ms. Money in the Bank, Sandy Orton making an appearance
here in Phoenix, Arizona!


King
Is she going to cash in right now?
Are we going to see John Seana's attempt at 8-0
right here on Preview?!

Jim Ross
One can certainly speculate,
and it would be a hell of a way to end to show.


Sandy Orton
John Seana, when I won the Money in the Bank briefcase,
I vowed to keep the briefcase as a contingency plan in case we needed it
to face Donald Trump.
But after seeing your work this season,
I need to answer this question.
Are you truly the best Fantasy Manager to take on Donald Trump?
Or is it me? The 2x League Champion, Sandy Orton.
And out of respect for what you've done this season,
I won't cash in after your match.
I'm going to give you advanced notice.
I'm cashing in this Sunday at Halloween Havoc!

*Crowd Cheers*


John Seana
Sandy Orton, I respect your decision and I will honor your contract.
John Seana vs. Sandy Orton for the WCC Championship!
This Sunday at Halloween Havoc!
May the best Fantasy Manager win!


Sandy Orton
Oh, John.
Before you go, there's just one other thing.
This Sunday, I'm not coming alone.
I'm bringing the other guy.


Sandy Orton turns into The Beast, SC Lesnar!

Jim Ross
My God!
SC Lesnar is back!


Jim Ross
And she takes the champion to the ground!
The Beast Incarnate, Santa Clara Lesnar!
She wants to take John Seana's streak,
John Seana will have his hands full this Sunday at Havoc!


Jim Ross
The WCC Championship on the line.
Santa Clara Lesnar, John Seana.
The undefeated streak is at stake,
will John Seana make history and become the first 8-0
Fantasy Manager in league history?
Tune in this Sunday, you won't want to miss this!