Fantasy War Episode 1 - SummerSlam

We open the new season with a shot of B&B Enterprises.

The location is now a crime scene, 

which has brought homicide detectives to the body of Kenneth Bell.

*Camera Flash*

We see Detective Tai sitting in the crime scene,

disappointed to find Kenneth Bell's body.

Chris Carson surveys the scene.

Detective Tai

I caught him, Chris....

On the waiver wire.

I caught him... and he doesn't fucking know it.

Chris Carson nods, acknowledging Detective Tai's efforts.

Suddenly, a meteor-like object falls from the sky,

just outside of the crime scene.

SC Lesnar crashes in and reverts back to her Sandy Orton form.

Detective Tai and Chris Carson run over to the crash site.

Sandy Orton

Donald is coming...

He's coming!

Detective Tai

Who..?

WEST COAST COUSINS:
FANTASY WAR

Episode One - SummerSlam

CM PUP

I don't know, did you see that last fight?

The fight went the distance.

I really think I can get back in there and with enough training,

I might be able to pull this off and get a win in the UFC.

AJ Lee

PUP, the problem isn't your training.

The problem is, you just aren't any good.

CM PUP

Not any good?

I went a full 3 rounds in the UFC.

How many people can say they've done that?

Look, I just want one more chance.

If I quit now, I don't want to regret it and ask myself what if?

This is a challenge, nobody said it was going to be easy.

I need to keep challenging myself.

AJ Lee

That's your problem, PUP.

You can't stop challenging yourself.

Sometimes, you just need to give yourself a break.

CM PUP

If you're not gonna be the best at something,

why even bother trying?

Why do people play things for fun, I do it to be the best at it.

Just one more fight.

And if I lose, I'll retire once and for all. I promise.

Police Sirens

Detective Tai

CM PUP, I'm Detective Tai McLuu.

I need you to come with me.

CM PUP,

What are you, behind on your quotas or something?

Go harass someone else.

Find another way to fund your corrupt department.

And oh hey, if Colt Cabana is suing me again,

you tell him that's bullshit.

I didn't assault anybody.

Detective Tai

I'm not here for that.

And plus, I've seen your UFC Fights.

I know you're not capable of assaulting anyone.

CM PUP

What did you just say to me?

All cops are pieces of shit aren't they?

What? High school ended for you and 

you wanted to keep bullying people in your adult life?

Detective Tai

Look, we don't have time for this.

You may not know how to fight, but you do know how to play Fantasy Football.

And we need your help.

It's not overselling it to say the fate of the universe is at stake.

CM PUP

We? Who's we?

Sandy Orton

Hey PUP.

It's time to come home.

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

*Crowd Cheers*

The camera pans across the WCC Universe as

 Jim Ross welcomes us to Wednesday Night Preview.

Jim Ross

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Wednesday Night Preview!

We are live in Orlando, Florida to kick off a new season

 in the West Coast Cousins!

King, I'm delighted to be here with you tonight.

How are you feeling?

King

Oh, JR. I can't wait for this upcoming season.

And you better get used to seeing our faces, because WCC Owner, 

Shane McMahon has hired us to broadcast the entire season!

Jim Ross

Thank God for that.

I'm sick and tired of that damn Michael Cole.

Jim Ross

It's a pleasure to be working with you again.

But let's get down to business.

It's a new season, WCC Wrestling is back.

What are you looking forward to the most, King?

King

JR, I don't know where to begin.

There's plenty of new school talent ready to take over the league.

But I for one, am most excited to see the return of some of the league's biggest names.

Guys like Vic Moxley, former Champions like Dolph Riggler and The Baugh.

We are in for a treat JR and I cannot wait.

*Justin Styles Music Hits*

Jim Ross

Well, we're not gonna have to wait too long, King.

Here is the Phenomenal, Justin Styles.

And he's got his comrades with him, the OC.

Zach Ertz and Mike Gesicki.

Let's see what Justin has to say.

Justin Styles

Ah, a new season of West Coast Cousins Fantasy Football!

Orlando, are you excited for the new season?

*Crowd Cheers*

Justin Styles

Well of course you're excited, Justin Styles and the OC has blessed you

with their presence. And let me set the record straight.

Last season is behind us.

Justin Styles is back with a vengeance and I'm gunning for the grand prize.

I've worked extremely hard in the offseason.

Jiu Jitsu Training, wrestling, science and physics.

I've improved on my technique, so let me put the entire WCC locker room on notice.

This season will run through the OC!

Justin Styles

We are the Only Club that matters.

The originators, the Original Club.

Everything else, is just off brand!

And to show you how confident I am...

I am issuing an open challenge this Sunday at SummerSlam.

If anyone in the back wants a Week 1 loss,

I'm right here.

Who wants a piece of the Phenomenal One?

*Kevin Owens Music Hits*

*Crowd Cheers*

Jim Ross

Ask and you shall receive!

We know who this is, King.

The 2nd year sensation, finishing his rookie season in 3rd place.

An impressive young Fantasy Manager.

We are getting our first look at Kevin Owens in the early part of the season.

Justin Styles and the OC do not look pleased to see Kevin Owens.

Kevin Owens

Justin Styles, I like your confidence.

But I'm not so sure that it's warranted.

I mean, seeing as you scored the fewest points of any Fantasy Manager last season.

Kevin Owens

I mean, how can anyone take you seriously?

You didn't even show up on draft night.

You want to be viewed as a threat when you autopicked?

But hey Justin, I don't doubt that you've improved.

I mean, you were on the bottom last season.

For you, the only way to go, is up.

Kevin Owens

In all honesty, Justin, I hope you have gotten better.

Because while you have been working on your Jiu Jitsu,

I've been running routes.

I have been playing actual football.

And that will go a long way when it comes to Fantasy Football.

So the way i see it, you and I, we're the young bucks.

We're the future of this league.

All these old has beens and so called "veterans."

They've had their shot.

You and I, we're the two youngest in the league.

And if you've gotten better as you claim,

I hope to see you down the line for years to come.

But as far as this Sunday goes, 

I accept your open challenge for SummerSlam!

*Crowd Cheers*

Justin Styles

Kevin Owens, you want to make this about the future of the league?

You think that your potential outshines my own?

Well I guess this Sunday, we'll find out.

Future vs. Future.

Diec vs. Luu.

And I will show you why this is the West Coast Cousins.

You're not a Luu. You're a side show.

You give me your back and I'm making you tap!

*Crowd Cheers*

Jim Ross

What a matchup, King.

Two of the league's rising stars face off in Week 1!

Is this the start of a budding rivalry?

We'll soon find out King.

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

Chris Vinson's music hits as we return to Wednesday Night Preview.

Jim Ross

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, and here comes

the charismatic enigma, the master of reinvention.

He has been known by many names, Bus Drivers, Chris Waiting and others.

But tonight, he comes to us under the moniker known only... as Chris Vinson.

Chris Vinson

Welcome to Preview is Vinson!

*Crowd Cheers*

Chris Vinson

And as you can see, I am surrounded in this ring by four of the deadliest

former NFL players that you have ever seen....

Tom Brady, DK Metcalf, Robbie Gould, and the enforcer, George Kittle.

They are apart of my Fantasy Team and I trust them with my life.

This... is my Inner Circle.

Chris Vinson

And this lovely Championship belt, that I hold proudly over my shoulder..

Well, this title right here is not that stupid, idiotic, poorly designed hunk of crap

known as the WCC Championship.

This is a real belt. This is a far more prestigious belt.

This is the AFW Championship title!

I am the Alpha, and that other belt, held by some phony fraud.

Well, he's just a stupid idiot.

And I.... I am Le Champion!

*Crowd Cheers*

Chris Vinson

Now, seeing as I am the first ever AFW Champion...

and seeing as how this Orlando crowd loves me.

I think that it is only right that we celebrate Le Champion, 

with a bit of the bubbly!

But first, in honor of Le Champion, we will have a 5 minute moment of silence

to celebrate my reign as AFW Champion.

*Crowd Boos*

Chris Vinson and the Inner Circle raise their arms as the crowd continues to boo.

Jim Ross

Oh come on! 5 minutes for a moment of silence?

How ridiculous is that?

King

Quiet, JR! You're ruining the 5 minutes of silence!

Jim Ross

I could care less about Chris Vinson's moment of silence.

Chris Vinson

Hey, hey, hey!

If you keep booing, we're going to reset the timer and 

start this 5 minutes all over again.

Silence! You stupid idiots, silence!

*Crowd Boos*

King

Silence, JR!

You're disrespecting Le Champion!

Jim Ross

Le Champion can kiss my ass.

*Vic Moxley's Music Hits*

Jim Ross

Business is about to pick up on Wednesday Night Preview.

Here comes the bad boy of the West Coast Cousins, Vic Moxley.

Chris Vinson

Oh, look everybody. It's Vic Moxley!

I gotta be honest, I'm a little surprised to see you, Vic.

I'm not exactly sure what brings you out here.

So if I'm going to be frank, why are you here?

Vic Moxley

Why am I here?

I mean, do I really have to say it?

I came out here to celebrate Le Champion.

Come on! Bring out the bubbly!

Chris Vinson

Well there you have it!

Vic Moxley, friend of the Inner Circle.

Come on baby! Let's toast with a bit of the bubbly!

Vic Moxley

Wait, hold on Chris. 

Just one more thing before we toast.

That belt you have, the AFW Championship?

What is that thing? Some made up title like the BMF Championship?

I mean, who did you even beat to win it?

Did you buy it from the kids section at Toys R Us?

Chris Vinson

Excuse me?

What's that you're saying? Are you insulting me?

Toys R Us doesn't even exist anymore, you stupid idiot.

Get a better insult.

Vic Moxley

Oh? I guess you're right.

Well it's a good thing BevMo still exists, so you can buy more champagne.

Jim Ross

Oh! Look out!

Vic Moxley smashing the bottle of champagne over Vinson's head!

Now he's going for the Paradigm Shift! 

King

Whaaa.. what's he doing?

You can't do that to Le Champion!

Chris Vinson

(Off Mic): Hold me back. Hold me back!

Vic Moxley

Come on! Get back in the ring.

Chris Vinson

Moxley, you're lucky my Inner Circle is holding me back.

You stupid idiot, you have no idea what you just started!

You just waged a war.

Be thankful that I'm showing restraint.

Because this Sunday at SummerSlam, I'm not holding back.

As we end the broadcast, we return to the SCGD Unit where CM PUP has arrived.

Detective Minh

In the dawn of Fantasy Football, there was nothing.

Fantasy Football played on white boards, paper and pencil.

Manually keeping track of points.

Then... BOOM!

Netzero, 56k dialup, Webcrawler, AOL and Yahoo!

The internet was born and Yahoo Sports created 6 elemental crystals.

These Fantasy Stones each control an essential aspect of Fantasy Sports.

Detective Tai

The Underchucker's Urn.

 CGI.

The Star in Dallas.

Soul.

the WCC Championship,

 and Time.

CM PUP

What's our timeline?

Sandy Orton

16 weeks.

Donald Trump already has the Star in Dallas and the Underchucker's Urn.

With that, he's already the strongest Fantasy Manager in the league.

If he gets all six... he could destroy all life on the planet.

CM PUP

If he's already the strongest manager, is there even a point in fighting?

Will anything we do even affect the storyline?

Or is this just another Starchild situation where the decisions we make

have no effect on the final outcome?

Detective Tai

Detective Minh here has looked at the league's entire history,

and we've got one shot.

Yahoo Sports creates weekly projections for each Fantasy Manager.

Some weeks, we exceed projections and other weeks, we fall short.

If we're going to beat Donald Trump, 

we're going to need all the Fantasy Points that we can get.

Detective Minh

In order to beat Donald Trump this season,

the entire league has to have a cumulative 

record above .500 against Yahoo's Projections.

If we do that, we stop Donald Trump from collecting all the Fantasy Stones

and deporting half of America.

That's how we can affect the storyline.

CM PUP

And if we don't beat .500?

Detective Minh

Then he could destroy life on a scale hitherto undreamt-of.

CM PUP

Did you seriously just say hitherto undreamt-of?

Detective Minh

And did you seriously think you could start a career in Mixed Martial Arts at age 40,

with no formal background in sports or athletics?

CM PUP

Okay, if this is going to be a running joke, I'm leaving.

Detective Tai

Look, the odds may not be in our favor,

but we have to try and do something.

We have to act and we have to act fast.

 Sandy Orton

That's why we're going to need some help.
Every League Champion, every Fantasy Manager in the WCC is
going to need to come together on this.

No more Seattle vs. San Francisco.

We're all in this together.

PUP, we need you to come back and win the WCC Championship.

CM PUP

It's not that simple.

 Sandy Orton

What do you mean?

CM PUP

Gosh, we haven't caught up in a spell, have we?

I left the West Coast Cousins.

We're toast. Single H and I fell out hard.
He doesn't want me back.

I took my ball and I went home.

 Sandy Orton

PUP, it doesn't matter what league you play in.
Donald is coming.

You're a 3x League Champion.

The Best in the League.

We need you.

CM PUP

Who's the Champion now?

 Sandy Orton

It's... complicated.
The Champion is from All Fantasy Wrestling.
They call him The Best Route Machine.
Universally viewed as the pound for pound best in the world.
He consistently puts on Five Star matches.
Dave Meltzer even once gave him a 7/5 star match.

CM PUP
Tell me his name again?

 Sandy Orton
Kenny.