Vinpool
It's week 9.
Terry McLaurin
Yeah. So?
Vinpool
9 weeks.
I have been waiting 9 fucking weeks for a storyline.
And the only thing the writers have for me, is a stupid YouTube reaction channel?
Seriously? I'm 6-2!
2nd place in the League and having the best year of my career!
What the fuck is going on, Terry?
Do you think the writers kinda forgot about me?
Terry McLaurin
I'm sure they have their reasons.
Besides, storylines aren't even important.
The important thing is that we keep winning games.
If we get to the playoffs, they can't ignore us.
Let's not make this a big deal.
Vinpool
Not make this a big deal?!
Are you kidding me?
I'm going to make this a big fucking deal!
I'm going to shout and scream and hold out until I get what I want.
That usually works out for professional athletes, doesn't it?
Terry McLaurin
What are you going to do?
Vinpool
I'm going to fix this.
I'm gonna talk to someone.
Terry McLaurin
And who exactly are you gonna talk to?
Vinpool
I'm gonna talk to the fucking studio!
Vinpool
I don't care if I have to beat up that racist little mouse,
I'm going to have a storyline.
*Marvel Theme Plays*
The Creator
And then, I want a gif of The Baugh coughing up blood.
Vinpool
Hey asshole!
The Creator
Vinpool.
We weren't expecting you.
Not for another few weeks, at least.
Vinpool
Not for another few weeks?!
Whose ass do I have to kiss to get a storyline around here?
It's Week 9 and I haven't been involved with anything yet.
What the shit man?
Where the hell is my story?
Everyone has a season objective but me.
I need to know what my goal is this season!
The Creator
My algorithm states that it is not the optimal time for you to enter a storyline.
Vinpool
Yeah? Well does your algorithm tell you to go fuck yourself too?
Why are you using an algorithm to write storylines?
Oh God, don't tell me this entire storyline was written by an AI.
Oh God, don't tell me this entire storyline was written by an AI.
We explicitly fought against this in the WGA strike!
The Creator
The algorithm is never wrong.
The Creator
Every episode of West Coast Cousins is written by the algorithm.
Vinpool
Wait, that's the algorithm?
Manatees?
The Creator
Yes, we fill a tank full of Marvel and pop culture films on a ball.
Then, we have our algorithm pull a ball,
then use another tank with NFL Players on their respective Fantasy Teams.
Filling in the blanks with a prewritten storyline and player involvement.
Vinpool
Oh my God... that's so fucking stupid.
Why does anyone read this shit?
It's like mad libs for comic book nerds.
Vinpool
So why hasn't my ball been selected?
The Creator
The algorithm has not selected you.
Hold on one second...
It appears as if you have been selected.
Vinpool
Fucking finally...
What does it say?
The Creator hands Vinpool the script.
The Creator
You're not going to like it.
Vinpool
Oh my God... I'm actually getting a script.
Is this what Arian Foster was talking about?
Vinpool
Hmmmm... ok... oh, that's interesting....
uh huh....oh my God.... why??
Are you serious? You want me to ... WHAT?
Vinpool
Fine. I'll do it.
Just make sure that Disney opens up the checkbook.
WEST COAST COUSINS
FOREVER
Episode Nine - Resurrection
William Stryker
Let the children play, Lady Deathstrike.
We have more pressing business to attend to.
Rocket Racoon
Not so fast, jerk offs!
From out of no where, Gamora comes firing away with a machine gun.
The Guardians of the Galaxy have arrived.
William Stryker
Oh, Jesus. Not these clowns.
Lady Deathstrike, take care of them.
Kevan
She's mine.
Despite his best efforts, Kevan continues to struggle in the regular season.
He loses in Week 8, falling to 2-6.
He is now in 11th place and his playoff hopes are looking grim.
With just 6 weeks left in the regular season,
Kevan will have to turn things around or risk being captured by William Styrker.
Star Lord
William Stryker.
We've been looking all over for you.
Rocket told us what you did. And you're gonna pay.
William Stryker
Oh, please.
Rocket Raccoon. Subject #P13.
I gave you everything.
I gave you life. I gave you purpose.
Rocket Racoon
You gave me a lifetime of pain and misery.
I didn't ask to get made.
I didn't ask to be torn apart and put back together over and over
and turned into some... some little monster!
William Stryker
Yet, here are you.
Alive and well.
Smart and capable enough to navigate a spaceship and travel across the galaxy.
What would you prefer?
Living in a cage, being fed fruits and nuts?
Or maybe out in the wild, scavenging through garbage bins.
Is that the life you prefer to live?
Star Lord
That's enough, Stryker.
William Stryker
Oh, you people. You just don't get it, do you?
I am trying to make the world a better place.
Now, if you disagree with my methods, I understand.
But I only want what's best for you, whether you know it or not.
Rocket Racoon
I was happy with my life before you came and ruined everything.
William Stryker
Look, I don't do apologies.
But, if it means so much to you, then sorry.
Star Lord
What are you sorry for, Stryker?
Drax
Yeah. What are you sorry for?
Sorry that you didn't give us all super powers?
If you're going to give one of us powers, you have to give us all powers.
That's the way it works.
I want metal claws coming from my hands too.
Star Lord
Drax... no.
Mantis
Yeah! I want super powers too.
Oh, if we get to choose our own powers,
I'd like the ability to create puppies with my mind.
Drax
Puppies?
That's a stupid super power.
Mantis
Is not!
Star Lord
Guys... come on.
William Stryker
See what I mean?
You're such fucking dopes...
You are not serious figures.
I love you... but you are not serious people.
I once dealt with a not so serious person.
He was an annoyance and a troll.
But I fixed him up... and now, he sits atop the league.
2nd place and in prime position to win a League Championship.
Wade Vinson!
Vinpool arrives into the battle.
William Stryker
Show them what I have done.
Show them your Championship mettle.
---------------------------------------------------
Kevan's Week 9 Objective:
Defeat Vinpool
(Win Week 9 Matchup with Bengal Bro's)
---------------------------------------------------
Kevan
Shit... Wade.
Is that you? What happened?
---------------------------------------------------
Vinpool's Week 9 Objective:
Defeat Kevan
(Win Week 9 Matchup with the Undertaker)
---------------------------------------------------
Vinpool
I asked for this.
I sold my soul for storyline time.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Mark Zuckerberg
Friday, what am I looking at?
F.R.I.D.A.Y.
Boss, it appears to be a Kahndaq cave.
F.R.I.D.A.Y.
Rumored to be the final resting place of Teth-Baugh.
If he is to be found, you'll have to enter the cave.
Zuckerberg makes his way through a pool of water.
Mark Zuckerberg
Friday?
F.R.I.D.A.Y.
It appears to be ancient technology.
Brought on by the Council of Wizards.
The Power of Shazam will set Teth-Baugh free.
F.R.I.D.A.Y.
You have engaged with the Council.
Are you sure you want to continue, boss?
Mark Zuckerberg
Absolutely.
With the help of Friday, Zuckerberg finds Baugh's body.
He brings Baugh's body into the pool.
Mark Zuckerberg
You poor man...
My Champion will rise once more.
Mark Zuckerberg
Haku Machente....
Through the Power of Shazam... and the blood of my blood...
I call upon the Gods and the holy men...
Bring forth... the Black Baugh.
Rise from the ashes and take back what is yours.
The Baugh is awaken with sudden motion.
Mark Zuckerberg
Abra Kadabra.
A new life reborn.
Black Baugh is suddenly flooded with memories from a past life.
Earth-616
The Baugh-616
We can't stop him...
Donald Trump-616
We should really stop all of this fighting...
otherwise we'll miss the fireworks.
John Seana-616
There won't be any...
Donald Trump-616
I am.... incredible.
John Seana-616
And we... have a BEAST!
The Baugh-616
IF YA SMELL.... WHAT THE BAUGH....
Donald Trump-616
NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Earth-415
The power of Shazam flows through Black Baugh,
making him the most electrifying man in West Coast Cousins.
Black Baugh
...IS COOKIN'
Mark Zuckerberg
Welcome back... to the land of the living, Baughy.
Black Baugh lifts up Zuckerberg by his jacket.
Black Baugh
Who are you?
Mark Zuckerberg
Whoa, whoa whoa... put me down!
Mark Zuckerberg
You know, I have been training a lot of jiu jitsu since the pandemic
and in all of my sparring sessions, no one has been able to do that to me.
You are quite strong, my friend.
The name is Mark.
And I am the man who saved you.
I've resurrected the Black Baugh.
Black Baugh
What do you want from me?
Mark Zuckerberg
If the prophecy is true,
the man who frees The Black Baugh will own The Baugh's soul.
I've set you free... therefore I am your master.
And you will do as I say.
Black Baugh
Is that right?
Mark Zuckerberg
As a matter of fact, it is.
I'm calling the shots.
And we have a very important mission to accomplish.
Black Baugh
What mission?
Mark Zuckerberg
To obtain the most precious metal on earth...
