Back at SCGD Headquarters,
the remaining Fantasy Managers meet to discuss
their next move after Donald Trump's Deportations.
Detective Tai
It's been 260 days since Donald Trump came
to the West Coast Cousins.
Sandy Orton
The American government is in disarray.
President Biden has been trying to get a hold on the situation,
but so far he's had no luck reversing the Deportations.
Sandy Orton
They're trying to get a census
but it looks like Trump did exactly what he said he was going to do.
Sandy Orton
He deported 50% of America.
Sandy Orton
We don't have any idea where these people were deported to.
And as of right now, we have no outside communication from the deported.
Sandy Orton
By all accounts, the deported have been unable to re-enter the country.
We have unconfirmed reports of LeBron James stuck in Hong Kong.
Barack Obama was allegedly spotted in Kenya.
Dave Chappelle was seen in Africa.
However, we think Dave might have gone to Africa on his own
and wasn't actually deported.
But there are countless others, deported all over the world.
Kevin Owens
Okay, I don't understand.
Why can't we just let everyone back in?
If there are known American citizens out there,
what's stopping them from flying back into the country?
Detective Tai
As far as we can tell,
many of the deported have already tried to come back.
But something is stopping them from re-entering.
If I had to guess, Donald Trump is still using those Stones
to prevent anyone from re-entering.
As a matter of fact, I don't think anyone can enter at all.
Kevin Owens
What do you mean?
How can no one enter the country?
You mean tourists can't even get in?
Detective Tai
No one at all.
We're completely shut out from the outside world.
Kevin Owens
Holy shit, we're North Korea.
How the hell does this make America great again?
Detective Tai
Donald Trump only wants the remaining
Americans to enjoy his so called "paradise."
Kevin Owens
So what do we do?
Sandy Orton
We get those Stones back.
Whatever those Stones are doing,
they've got to be creating some sort of barrier around the country.
Kevin Owens
Umm.. sorry, I hate to be that guy.
But how the hell are we supposed to do that?
In case you forgot,
he kicked all of our asses last season like it was nothing.
And that was before he even collected all six Stones.
Now, he has them all!
Vin Snow
Well, we have to do something.
Donald Trump must pay for what he's done.
We cannot let this go.
What do you think, Champ?
You got anything?
The Baugh
It's like John Seana once said,
a man's character is not judged after he celebrates a victory,
but by what he does when his back is against the wall.
No matter how great of a setback, no matter how severely you fail...
You never give up.
The Mysterious Old Man limps onto the screen.
Mysterious Old Man
You sound remorseful, Baugh.
A man filled with regret.
It's too bad you can't see John Seana.
The Baugh
Son of a bitch!
You died as soon as you walked through those doors.
Mysterious Old Man
You could kill me.
But then, you wouldn't know what I have to offer.
The Baugh
I could give a shit what you have to offer!
We should've never trusted you.
Why did you give the Time Stone to Trump?
Mysterious Old Man
Because it had to be done.
But I have a solution.
I know where Donald Trump is.
Vin Snow
And how do we know if your information is any good?
How do we know you're not lying again?
Mysterious Old Man
You don't.
You'll just have to trust me.
The Baugh
I trust that this bullet will go straight through your fucking head!
Detective Tai
Wait. Let's hear him out.
Vin Snow
What for? He's a liar!
He could be setting us up for another trap for all we know.
Detective Tai
I don't think he has a reason to lie.
Donald Trump already won.
Donald Trump could've deported us all.
If this old man was on Donald Trump's side,
he could've had us killed last season.
So I don't buy that he's lying.
This could be our only chance to kill Trump.
And if he's lying... well, what more do we have to lose?
Detective Tai
Where is Donald Trump?
Mysterious Old Man
If you were Donald Trump, and you just deported half of America..
where would you go?
EPSTEIN ISLAND
WEST COAST COUSINS:
ENDGAME
ENDGAME
Episode Two - Unforgiven
*Crowd Cheers*
Jim Ross
Welcome to WCCF Preview,
we are live in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
And there is the rattlesnake and he doesn't appear to be in a good mood.
After last night's loss to John Seana at the hands of Single H.
One would assume he is stalking the backstage area looking for
the man responsible for his Week 1 loss.
Steve Pupstin
Have you seen Single H?
Production Manager
No, I don't think he's arrived yet.
Steve Pupstin
Well if you see his sorry little ass,
you tell him that Stone Cold is looking for him.
Pupstin continues to walk around backstage.
Jim Ross
There is a fire in his eyes,
if I were Single H, I would not want to cross paths with Pupstin tonight.
King
I'm on the edge of my seat, JR.
What is he planning?
Kevin Kelly
Pupstin, if I may have a word,
what are your thoughts after last night's brutal attack by Single H?
Steve Pupstin
What kind of stupid question is that?
My thoughts are that I'm absolutely pissed off.
Single H likes to call himself The Game.
Well this is one game that he shouldn't play with.
You want to talk about this eternal battle between Single H and I,
who will be the first Fantasy Manager to 4 League Championships?
Well I'll tell ya one thing,
when I get my hands on that measly little hunk of crap,
I'm going to give him an ass beating to remember.
Kevin Kelly
Well Stone Cold, I hate to be the bearer of bad news,
but Mr. McMahon wanted me to let you know that you have a match tonight.
And he thinks you should prepare for tonight's matchup instead
of waiting in the parking lot for Single H.
Steve Pupstin
What are you? Mr. McMahon's little messenger boy?
Steve Pupstin
If Mr. McMahon wants me to get ready for tonight's match,
why doesn't he come say it to my face?
Kevin Kelly
I don't know, Pupstin.
I was just told to let you know.
Steve Pupstin
You don't know much of anything, do you?
Well you go tell Mr. McMahon, that I'll wrestle his damn match.
But before the night is done, you can bet your ass
I'm gonna get a piece of Single H.
And that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so!
Kevin Kelly
Okay... okay.
We cut to Mr. McMahon's office,
where is he visited by Victor Angle.
Victor Angle
Mr. McMahon! Boy, am I happy to see you!
Mr. McMahon
The pleasure is all mine, Vic.
What can I do for you?
Victor Angle
Well you know, I got to say,
this season has been off to a great start.
I mean, did you see my match last night with Chris Vinson?
Mr. McMahon
I did.
You did quite well.
Victor Angle
That's exactly right.
I did do very well.
I mean, I wiped the floor with Chris Vinson and
now I'm in 3rd place in standings.
And now that I'm in 3rd place, you know what I think
would make this new season even better?
A #1 Contender title shot for the WCCF Championship!
Mr. McMahon
Well, Vic....
Victor Angle
Oh, yeah. I know, Mr. McMahon.
The Baugh is your boy.
And trust me, The Baugh is one hell of a Champion.
But you know what?
I think I can surpass all of The Baugh's accolades.
I'm already higher than him on the standings.
And not to mention, I'm an Olympic Gold Medalist.
Do you think these medals come easy?
Mr. McMahon
No, they do not.
Victor Angle
That's right, Mr. McMahon.
I am ready. I am ready to add more gold to my trophy case.
I am an athlete in every sense of the word.
Mr. McMahon, I don't mean to toot my own horn,
but I won a Gold Medal in Men's Softball
with a dislocated freakin' shoulder!
Oh it's true! It's damn true!
Mr. McMahon
Vic, be that as it may.
I would still like to see more from you before I grant you a title shot.
Victor Angle
You want to see more?
What more can I show you?
Mr. McMahon
Well, for starters, how about this...
you've given me a great idea for this Sunday at Unforgiven.
In one corner, we have the Olympic Gold Medalist,
Victor Angle!
Victor Angle
Oh man, that sounds good already.
Mr. McMahon
And in the other corner...
a Fantasy Manager who also won their Week 1 matchup.
One of the greatest in ring performers of our generation.
The 2x League Champion, Rock Michaels!
And if you do well, perhaps I'll consider
putting you in line for a title shot in the near future.
Victor Angle
You know what? That sounds great, Mr. McMahon!
I'm going to make you proud of me.
You just wait and see.
Mr. McMahon
That's great, Vic.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a phone call to make.
Mr. McMahon
Hello?
.....
Yeah, yeah, I know.
He's here on Preview and he's coming after you.
.....
You've really pissed him off!
The last thing I need right now, is a pissed off rattlesnake.
Mr. McMahon
No, now you listen to me.
Single H, I don't want you anywhere near the arena.
As a matter of fact, I want you to take the night off.
.....
I said take the night off, damnit!
I don't need you and Stone Cold wrecking havoc on my show tonight.
King
Ah! Single H has the night off!
Stone Cold is going to tear this whole place apart looking for him!
*Commercial*
Eddie the Echo
How ya doin'?
How ya doin'?
Narrator
McDonald's All New McDouble.
Lettuce, tomato and two all beef patties for 89 cents.
*Commercial*
Rachel Nichols
Rachel Nichols, ESPN.
President Biden, there has been a lot of talk about last year's Deportations
and what your administration is doing about it.
Would you care to elaborate on what is being done at the moment?
President Biden
Trust me, lady.
Everything that can be done about Trump's Deportations is being done.
You have my word on that.
Now, if you would just kind of get off my back about it,
I think that would be best for the American people.
Rachel Nichols
Could you be more specific about what's being done?
There are reports that American citizens from all around the world
are being turned away at airports and denied entry into the United States.
Why would your administration stop Americans from coming back into the country?
President Biden
I assure you, they are not being turned away.
There is simply, at the moment, barriers that aren't allowing people back in.
We are doing everything we can to remove these barriers.
We want our borders open.
Trust me, no one on this planet wants our country more open than I do.
Ariel Helwani
Mr. President, I just want to make it clear,
when you say there are barriers, how is that not different from
saying that American citizens are being turned away?
President Biden
Oh for God's sake, will you get over it, already?
Americans are not being denied entry.
Ariel Helwani
Sir, I find that hard to believe when there are confirmed reports
of American citizens being denied entry.
Your former running mate, President Barack Obama has not been able to enter the country.
What is going on?
President Biden
Oh my God.
If American citizens really wanted to get back into this country,
they could just fly into Mexico and use the underground tunnels that the cartel uses.
Ariel Helwani
Mr. President, did you just admit that there are underground tunnels
from Mexico where illegal immigrants can get around border patrol?
President Biden
Listen man, I didn't say that.
Let me make one thing perfectly clear, Mexico is our friend.
China is our friend.
We have great relationships with these countries and Americans
will soon have no issue coming back into the country.
And might I add, where are all the real journalists?
Why is it only sports journalist asking questions?
Rachel Nichols
Because they were all deported, Mr. President.
CNN, MSNBC, Stephen Colbert, Washington Post,
ABC News, Univision, Huffington Post, all deported from the country.
President Biden
Well, I can't help you there.
Get some real journalists to ask me questions.
Until then, all I can say is we have great international allies,
great friends from all nations.
We're really glad that they're our friend,
and we hope that it'll be a friendship that never ever ends.
We're really glad that you're our friend,
and this is a friendship that'll never ever end.
Kids
*Yaaaaayyyy*
Minh Wyatt
Yowie wowie!
How embarrassing was that?
I take full responsibility for how President Biden handled that press conference.
We have to do better.
Fireflies, we can't have our President looking silly out there.
He is our President.
If he don't look good, we don't look good.
Am I right?
Minh Wyatt
And by the way,
it has been SUCH a long time since I last saw you all!
Gosh, the last time I saw you... my family was still intact...
And I bet yours was too.
Thanks a lot, Baughy!
*WOMP Womp*
Minh Wyatt
But you know what?
I'm excited because we're here for a brand new season
of the Firefly Funhouse!
Kids
*Yaaaaayyyy*
Minh Wyatt
And today friends, we have a special word of the day!
Today's word is.... "SOCIOPATH"
Say it with me... SOCIOPATH!
Like when you decide to be selfish by dropping Jeff Wilson Jr.,
with no regard for how it'll affect other people,
you sir are what we call... a SOCIOPATH.
Minh Wyatt
And now because of your selfish act,
we all now have to suffer the consequences of your actions.
We all, have to live in a world without our dearly deported.
And the only superhero that can save us... is missing in action.
Kids
*Awwwww*
Minh Wyatt
You see Fireflies,
without the MIGHTY John Seana, I'm afraid all hope is lost.
Fireflies, we are living in a very scary time.
I mean, after the way Sandy Orton was utterly humiliated and dismantled
when she went face to face with.... him.
I'm not sure Sandy will ever be the same again.
Minh Wyatt
And now, my dear friend Johnny, is gone.
Stuck in a permanent purgatory.
All because last season's League Champion decided his ego
was too big to let last season's #1 Fantasy Manager win it all.
So now... we're left to live in this hell.
But you know what?
In dark situations like this, I like to think of the bright side.
Despite losing all my friends, at least we still have each other!
Trust me, my Fireflies.
Take my hand and I will lead the way.
Thank you... for letting me in...
.....
BYE!!!!!
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
*The Baugh's Music Hits*
Jim Ross
Welcome back to WCCF Preview ladies and gentlemen.
As we get set for our main event of the evening,
we're joined by the WCCF Champion, The Baugh,
as our special guest at ringside.
Jim Ross
Baugh, it's a pleasure to have you join.
The Baugh
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's always a pleasure when The Baugh comes by.
He knows how electrifying he is, you don't need to tell The Baugh.
The ratings are going through the roof,
you are witnessing the single greatest Fantasy Manager the WCCF has ever seen.
So shut your mouth, Jim Ross.
The Baugh
The Baugh is here to do your job for you.
So why don't you take the rest of the night off?
This is why they pay The Baugh the big bucks.
I am a man of many talents, The Baugh can do it all.
Jim Ross
Well, it was certainly an impressive performance in Week 1.
But now we look towards Week 2 at Unforgiven.
Your opponent this Sunday is the Big Red Machine, Kevane.
Do you think it is a strategy by Mr. McMahon to book your opponent
in a match tonight against Stone Cold Steve Pupstin,
a man we all know has a long withstanding rivalry with the Chairman of WCCF.
The Baugh
Didn't The Baugh just tell you to shut up, JR?
But no, you want the ask The Baugh a question.
Well The Baugh will answer your question.
Of course it's a strategy. Mr. McMahon doesn't do anything by accident.
The Baugh has worked his ass off to get to this level.
Meanwhile, Kevane hasn't done a damn thing in this league.
So absolutely, Kevane is going to play Fantasy Football tonight,
while The Baugh has the night off.
The Baugh has earned as much.
Jim Ross
Do you think that's fair?
With just 4 nights away from the Pay Per View,
it feels to me that the odds are stacked against your opponent.
The Baugh
It's not about what's fair, Jim Ross.
It's about what's right.
And let me tell you this, JR.
You're about 5 seconds away from being slapped upside the head,
if you ask The Baugh another stupid question like that.
King
Yeah, keep your mouth shut, JR!
Singles Match
Kevin's Team vs. Look like I lost
*Kevane's Music Hits*
Kevane's pyro explodes as the Big Red Machine
makes his way down to the ring.
Jim Ross
Oh, God!
That entrance always gets me.
It feels like hellfire and brimstone in the Target Center.
The Baugh
Look at this Big Red Retard,
scaring the crap out of all The Baugh's fans.
The Baugh is going to have to knock some sense into this halfwit on Sunday.
Jim Ross
Well Baugh, as Champion, you have to be impressed with the Week 1
performance from Kevane.
He won his match in convincing fashion and now has the opportunity
to become WCCF Champion.
What are your thoughts on your upcoming challenger?
The Baugh
First of all, Jim Ross, they really need to place a pack of Tic Tacs
at the commentary table, because your breath smells like Grade A dogshit!
King
Ha ha! I tell that to him all the time, Baugh.
The Baugh
Second of all, The Baugh is not impressed with Kevane's performance.
Aside from his wide receivers doing well,
his running backs didn't do anything to excite The Baugh.
As far as The Baugh is concerned,
this Big Red Retard is all show and no substance.
The fact of the matter is this, The Baugh doesn't fear Kevane.
The Baugh fears no man.
And this Sunday at Unforgiven, The Baugh is going to show the world
exactly why he's the WCCF Champion.
Jim Ross
Baugh, with all due respect.
I certainly wouldn't want to be across the ring from this young man.
An absolute physical specimen.
We know he has raw strength and can probably deadlift a truck.
I hope you aren't taking this man too lightly, Baugh.
The Baugh
Taking too lightly?
The Baugh is a professional, he does his homework.
That's why he's out here right now scouting the competition.
This is what it takes to be #1.
And Jim Ross, you're sound a bit too fruity for my liking.
What did you call him? An absolute physical specimen?
Do you have a thing for Big Red Retards?
As a matter of fact, take two steps that way, you little fruitcake!
King
What? That's two steps towards me.
I don't want any fruitcakes around me, Baugh!
Jim Ross
I resent the inclination.
But regardless, we are still awaiting the arrival of Stone Cold Steve Pupstin.
The Baugh
Where is that big piece of Texas trailer park trash?
Somebody go find this piece of monkey crap.
The Baugh wouldn't be surprised if this roody poo
is passed out drunk in the locker room.
Somebody go find him and stop wasting The Baugh's time.
*Stone Cold Steve Pupstin's Music Hits*
Jim Ross
And finally, there is the theme music to Stone Cold Steve Pupstin...
But wait a minute, the rattlesnake is nowhere to be found?
King
Where is he, JR?
The camera cuts backstage to Vince's office.
Single H
Vince, I got here as fast as I could.
Mr. McMahon
What in the hell are you doing here?
Was I not clear on the phone?
I told you to stay away from the arena tonight.
Single H
What? After we got off the phone,
I got a message saying you needed me right away.
Said it was an emergency.
Mr. McMahon
An emergency?
What the hell are you talking about?
There's no emergency here.
Single H
Vince, I got a page from your assistant.
He said to come here immediately
and told me to come straight to your office.
Mr. McMahon
My assistant?
Who? Virgil?
I fired Virgil weeks ago! I didn't have anyone page you.
Single H
Vince, somebody sent me a message..
if it wasn't you, then who could it be...?
Mr. McMahon and Single H look around.
Single H
Pupstin.
Mr. McMahon and Single H look around the room,
Single H signals Mr. McMahon to keep talking.
Mr. McMahon
Well, I don't know what you're talking about, Single H.
But you've got to cool it.
The last thing I need you to do right now, is to overwork yourself before Sunday.
Mr. McMahon tells Single H to check behind the couch.
Mr. McMahon
Honestly, you could get yourself hurt before Unforgiven.
Now that's something I can't afford to have right now.
Single H checks behind the shed,
but Pupstin isn't there.
Single H
Damnit!
The son of a bitch isn't here...
Vince, this guy is driving me crazy.
Pupstin appears from behind the door.
*Crowd Cheers*
Mr. McMahon
I told you Single H, you are being paranoid.
Single H turns around, and finds Pupstin.
Jim Ross
All hell is breaking loose backstage!
Oh, look out!
Pupstin breaking a lamp over Single H's head!
King
Oh my gosh, is he okay?
Steve Pupstin
Lights out, you dumb son of a bitch!
King
This is awful!
Somebody check on Mr. McMahon!
Jim Ross
Oh wait a minute!
Back at ringside, The Baugh has left the commentary table.
And a vicious cheap shot on Kevane!
Not one, but two chair shots needed to take down the Big Red Machine.
Jim Ross
It is carnage in the ring and all hell has broken loose on WCCF Preview!
Pupstin vs. Single H.
Vic Angle vs. Rock Michaels.
The Baugh vs. Kevane for the WCCF Championship!
All of that and much more this Sunday at Unforgiven.
Jim Ross
Call your television provider and order Unforgiven this Sunday
only on Pay Per View!
Thank you for joining us and goodnight.
