.
Earth-415
Narrator
We open Week 7 with the New West Coast Cousins.
Following the Silver Surfer's warning, the New West Coast Cousins
discuss their plan to deal with the new global threat.
John Walker
Alright, I'm just gonna say it.
She's got a pretty cool surfboard, I'll give her that.
Maybe her world is full of water.
Ghost
Most planets with life are full of water.
Kenneth Walker
Here's what we know.
She's an antagonist of the Fantastic Four.
Vinpool
Fantastic Four? I think you mean the Hampton Five.
You know, we never got the conclusion to that story.
Did Andre Igoudala ever make that shot?
I want to know what happened to the Hampton Five.
Kenneth Walker
What? No.
I'm talking about the Fantastic Four!
Vinpool
Oh... I get it.
Out of respect for Jayden Daniels, gotcha.
Kenneth Walker
Look, Nico and I did some recon.
The Fantastic Four are a group of heroes—
Nico Collins
A family of heroes, actually.
Kenneth Walker
A family of heroes that has battled the Silver Surfer on numerous occasions.
If we find out more about them—maybe we find out more about this Silver Surfer.
And then maybe, maybe we can solve this multiversal crisis.
*Vinpool chuckles*
Kenneth Walker
Did I say something funny?
Vinpool
Heh. I don't know.
I can't be the only one that thinks that this is getting repetitive.
C'mon! I feel like we're running around in circles here!
When are we gonna get to the meat of this thing?
And if have to hear the word "multiverse" or the name "Kang the Conqueror" one more time—
I swear to God, I'm gonna blow my fucking brains out!
Black Widow
We would be so lucky.
Vinpool
Vinpool
Sorry to burst your bubble sweetheart, but even if I did blow my brains out,
it wouldn't kill me—accelerated healing factors—both Kevan and I, actually.
John Walker
Is there anything that would kill you?
Vinpool
Vinpool
Electrical substations, maybe?
Black Widow
Don't entertain him, Walker.
This guy is clearly full of himself.
Vinpool
I'm sorry, I don't really understand the dynamic here.
Are you all supposed to represent the next generation of the West Coast Cousins?
And maybe due to a lack of familiarity and comfortability around real life counterparts,
the writers decided not to change your names from the source material?
It's a bold move.
You can never be too careful with how sensitive everyone's become.
Black Widow
What the hell are you talking about?
Vinpool
What am I talking about?
What is anyone talking about?
Black Widow
Okay, we are wasting time.
Do we have any more information on this—Fantastic Four?
Ghost
I found this in the database.
Ted Gilbert
Folks, we all know the story.
Four brave astronauts head up into space, encounter a bit of cosmic turbulence
and come back forever changed.
Not just the molecules of their bodies, but also their place in our hearts.
And now, a look back.
Vinpool
Oh, I've seen this episode already.
Ted Gilbert
Four years ago, man and woman conquered the last frontier, as we know it.
The exploration of space.
However, Dr. Richards' expedition encountered an unforeseen event
that changed not only the lives of these four courageous individuals,
but also the course of our history.
Howie Storm
What is that?!
Randy Richards
I don't know! I don't know!
It must be the cosmic rays!
Ted Gilbert
And they returned... with superpowers!
Ted Gilbert
They became our protectors!
Ted Gilbert
Facing off against foes like Mole Man, Red Ghost and the Silver Surfer....
Ted Gilbert
It's Howie Storm, Shirley Storm, Ben Grimm.
And the smartest man alive...
Ted Gilbert
Randy Richards.
...
The Fantastic Four!
Vinpool glances at the camera.
Black Widow
Okay, well this is good news.
If the Fantastic Four has battled the Silver Surfer before,
we just need to find the Fantastic Four and deal with the surfer.
Vinpool
I don't want to keep bursting your bubble, cheaper Scarlett Johansson.
But did no one else find that promo suspicious?
I mean first of all, Howie Storm looks exactly like Justinmonger!
The Silver Surfer was played by Morpheus...
And don't get me started with Big Tuna.
Are you guys seriously not noticing this?
We suddenly hear a crash outside of the New West Coast Cousin's facility.
Nico Collins
What was that?
Vinpool, Kevan and the New West Coast Cousins quickly run outside to the crash,
we find Randy Richards crawling out of the damaged spaceship.
WEST COAST COUSINS:
THE KANG DYNASTY
Episode Seven - The Plan
Nico Collins
So let me get this straight, you're from another world?
And now, you've come to help us save the multiverse?
Randy Richards
Listen, I know it sounds crazy—
Nico Collins
It's not that crazy.
Black Widow
Well, it's a little crazy...
Kenneth Walker
How did you find us and what made you decide to come to our universe?
Randy Richards
Well, it all started some time ago.
The Silver Surfer has made her way across the multiverse,
warning universes of an imminent demise.
However, it's not the Silver Surfer we need to be worried about.
Kang has been waging a multiversal war across thousands of years, longer even.
Your universe, we call Earth-415.
And we believe this universe is Kang's endgame.
He intends to make this world his final universe.
The one and only universe that remains, thus destroying the entire concept of a multiverse.
Kenneth Walker
So which universe are you from?
Randy Richards
My universe is Earth-4.
I didn't know it at the time, but Kang had previously attempted to destroy my world.
He unleashed biochemical warfare that nearly wiped out my entire planet.
Parasitic cordyceps that infects the brain and uses the body as a host.
For years, we lived in a dystopian society, surviving day by day.
Millions of lives were destroyed, ruined by Kang the Conqueror.
Randy Richards
Until... until we found a cure.
Through careful research and experimentation, we developed a vaccine
by extracting a chemical messenger produced through an immune individual.
Over time, my world got back on its feet.
And that's when I found my family.
Ben, Shirley, Howie.
None of it would be possible without that vaccine.
Randy Richards
But that's not all.
After things returned to normalcy, I spent years studying the cordyceps.
And I came across a frightening discovery.
The cordyceps were not from my world.
They were developed outside of my universe and thrusted upon us like
some sort of twisted laboratory experiment from hell.
It was only then that I realized the dangers of Kang the Conqueror.
Your universe is a converge vector.
Kang intends to create a total multiversal compression.
A forced collapse of all alternate realities into a single, unified timeline under his rule.
Black Widow
How much time do we have?
Randy Richards
Not much.
Kang has already eliminated a large number of worlds
through the use of his antimatter engine, the Death Star.
I fear he's going to find a way to power the Death Star indefinitely
and force the collapse of the multiverse.
What about the rest of the Fantastic Four?
If what you're saying is true, we could use their help.
Randy Richards
I'm sorry, but my family is still in Earth-4.
I came here to help, but I could not risk leaving my universe unprotected.
The rest of the Fantastic Four stayed behind
to protect our world, along with our son.
I'm afraid that I'm the only one who was able to make the trip.
Black Widow
If Kang is as big of a threat as you claim,
how do we plan to stop him?
Randy Richards
Randy Richards
It's going to take some coordination, but it can be done.
Kang's advantage comes from his vast knowledge and predictive capabilities.
He's been everywhere, he's done everything and he's seen it all.
Every attack, every defensive strategy, Kang has already seen
and prepared for all iterations of an attack on his Fantasy Team.
If we go up against him linearly, we will lose.
Nico Collins
How are we supposed to hit a guy who knows he's about to be hit
before we've even thrown the punch?
Randy Richards
Exactly.
We must use the element of surprise.
Attack him in ways that are unpredictable and unexpected.
He knows our capabilities, our strengths and our weaknesses.
But, if we can create a temporal paradox web that can overwhelm his predictive technology,
we can catch him off guard.
Which is precisely why the New West Coast Cousins are the team to do it.
Your team composition is unpredictable, some would even say fractured.
You don't operate like the traditional West Coast Cousins, which is exactly what we need.
Red Guardian
Ha! Ha! Ha! Randy Richards is right.
He really is the smartest man in the world.
Randy Richards
An unorthodox, unsuspecting level of controlled chaos.
He won't see us coming and that's how we defeat him.
John Walker
No, I get it.
I played football in high school.
We blitz Kang on every down until he concedes. It's a good plan.
Vinpool
1... 2... 3....4....
5... 6....
Kevan
What the hell are you doing?
Vinpool
Oh, me? Nothing.
I'm just counting the number of NPCs in this scene.
You know? Characters that have nothing to do with the Fantasy League.
I counted 9—by the way.
Including myself, since you know? Since I quit the League last season.
Vinpool
Oh and that also includes that weird quiet kid in the corner.
Bob
Sorry, were you talking to me?
Vinpool
Vinpool
Anyway, Kevan.
You're the only one in this scene that is actually a Fantasy Manager in this league.
Although, some could argue that you're also an NPC.
But boy, this Commissioner is really reaching to make this storyline
relevant to Fantasy Football.
In fact, I don't think a single scene in this episode has anything to do with a Week 7 matchup.
Am I right or what, Mr. Fantastic?
Vinpool
Here, allow me to help you out, Commish.
In this exciting Week 7 action of the West Coast Cousins,
Rockson Reigns takes on Loud Play Justin,
who has been free falling with 5 straight losses.
Can the OTC continue to make his climb to the top?
Meanwhile, will the Final Boss get his first win when
#7stormsComing takes on my best friend, Kevan.
One of these Fantasy Managers have to win a game, right?
Vinpool
Meanwhile in Earth-1316, after losing his first match to CFL,
Super Seana is suddenly looking vulnerable.
Can he bounce back and get Drew Minhtyre in line
to take on the new King of Wakanda?
Also on the slate for Week 7 is CM PUP vs. Vincent Rhodes.
Can the Best in the League continue his unlikely run?
Or will the American Nightmare continue his story and his win streak?
All of that and so much more as we continue on here in the West Coast Cousins!
Kevan
Ignore him. He's a fucking idiot.
Vinpool
I'm an idiot?
Prince Oberyn's plan here is to not have a plan.
But you know what? I like it.
If you want to get the job done, there is no one more unpredictable
than the 4th wall breaking Manager with a Mouth.
And honestly, if you want to know what I think—
Kevan
Nobody gives a fuck what you think!
Kevan
Tell me asshole, why do you always have to interject your opinion into everything?
Do you think anyone cares what you have to say?
Why don't you just sit down and shut up!
Vinpool
Ouch. That felt personal.
Maybe the Commissioner does know what he's doing.
Carry on, Mando. Tell us the rest of your brilliant plan.
*Commercial*
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CFL
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we're having a special promotion on new and used CR-Vs.
This month only, it doesn't matter if you have good credit, bad credit, zero credit.
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CFL
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So come see me, defending League Champion of an obscure Fantasy Football League,
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CFL
Come on down to 1395 Van Ness Ave in San Francisco!
Because at San Francisco Honda Acura, we're better than you...
AND YOU KNOW IT!
*Commercial*
Earth-1887
The Great Kevan
This is like water and oil.
How are we supposed to come up with a plan to stop that thing?
The Scarlet Joyce enters the frame.
Scarlet Joyce
Stop what thing?
Alexander Wayne
Look who's back.
I thought you skipped town, left us all to die.
Scarlet Joyce
I had something to take care of.
But I haven't abandoned this world.
Alexander Wayne
Who's this?
We pan to Sandy Orton, who is dressed appropriately for the universe.
Scarlet Joyce
Vision. Also known as Sandy Orton.
And we're here to help.
Nicholas Holmes
Perhaps this is exactly what we need.
The Scarlet Joyce may be the missing piece in all of this.
Scarlet Joyce
I still don't know what we're trying to do here.
Kendall Holmes
Take a look in the sky.
We thought it was the moon at first, but upon closer examination, it's a UFO.
It's been in our atmosphere for nearly 72 hours
and we don't know the intentions of this UFO.
Nicholas Holmes
We do.
That UFO is called the Death Star.
And it's primary design is to destroy entire universes.
A weapon of mass destruction.
A weapon harnessed to destroy at a scale that is unimaginable.
And the man behind the weapon is none other than Jim Moriarty.
Nicholas Holmes
Throughout his travels across the multiverse,
Moriarty has collected technology far beyond his reach.
Together, coupled with thousands of years of experimentation,
Moriarty designed the spacecraft to not only travel across the multiverse, but also destroy it.
Nicholas Holmes
He has the means to do it and he plans to excise Earth-1887 from the multiverse.
The Great Kevan
Why this world?
What did we ever do to him?
Nicholas Holmes
Nicholas Holmes
Kang holds a resentment against this universe...
Scarlet Joyce
His resentment is rooted in my refusal to destroy this world.
Kang trained me to be his heir apparent, but I refused.
This world was the one I was meant to destroy.
But instead, I destroyed his world, Earth-KANG.
Now he's come back to seek vengeance on Earth-1887.
Alexander Wayne
Well, how do we stop him?
Nicholas Holmes
In my studies, I have discovered a weakness.
A vulnerability within the Death Star.
An unshielded, 2-meter wide thermal exhaust port that leads directly to the ship's main reactor.
Detonating that reactor will lead to a catastrophic chain reaction that would destroy the entire ship.
Alexander Wayne
2 meters? That's a small target.
Not to mention the fact that this Death Star is in the sky.
How the hell are we supposed to hit it?
Scarlet Joyce
I can do it.
Alexander Wayne
This is insane.
How do even know this weakness exists?
That thing just appeared in the sky a a few days ago.
How on earth would you even know about its weakness, Holmes?
Nicholas Holmes
I found a recording, a transmission, from its principal architect.
Feeling guilt from creating such a devastating weapon,
he created a design flaw with the Death Star that could be exploited.
Alexander Wayne
What transmission?
Dr. Oppenheimer
My name is Doctor J. Robert Oppenheimer.
And what I am about to share is highly classified, highly confidential information.
Shortly after I was taken prisoner by the mercenary Bane,
I was tasked with the duty of creating the Death Star.
He took us all, scientists from Los Alamos.
If we did not agree to build the Death Star, Kang the Conqueror threatened to kill our families.
I did what I had to do to protect the people I care about.
But in doing so, I knew I had to come up with a plan.
So I lied. I learned to lie.
I played the part of a beaten man, resigned to the sanctuary of this work.
I made myself indispensable and all the while, I laid the groundwork of my revenge.
Dr. Oppenheimer
I've placed a weakness, deep within its system.
A flaw so small and powerful, they will never find it.
But if you are listening,
if you have the courage to take on the Conqueror.
Then I can only hope that in delivering this message, I am not too late.
The reactor is unstable and one blast will destroy the entire station.
Attached with this transmission are the blueprints to the Death Star.
With them, you will know exactly where to target and how to destroy it.
Good luck and Godspeed.
Scarlet Joyce
You have the blueprints of the ship?
Nicholas Holmes
Nicholas Holmes
I do.
Kendall Holmes
Nicholas... you're leaving out one very important detail.
Scarlet Joyce
What detail?
Kendall Holmes
The Death Star's defense shield.
Even if we got close enough to hit its weak point,
the shields will deflect it.
If we can't deactivate the shield, then the blueprint is useless.
Scarlet Joyce
So how do we deactivate the defense shields?
Nicholas Holmes
Someone has to board the ship and trigger the manual override.
Alexander Wayne
Don't they have a backup generator?
Nicholas Holmes
Yes. But we have a 30 second window before the backup kicks in.
Alexander Wayne
30 seconds?
Are you kidding me? It's a suicide mission.
Nicholas Holmes
It's also our only chance.
If we don't destroy the Death Star, this entire universe will be erased.
Alexander Wayne
30 seconds is not enough time to get off that ship.
Whoever deactivates the shield is as good as gone.
The Great Kevan
Maybe not.
Alexander Wayne
What are you on about?
The Great Kevan
I think I have a solution.
A way for someone to get onto that ship, deactivate the shields
and get off that ship before the Scarlet Joyce blows it up to hell.
Alexander Wayne
How the hell are you gonna pull off something like that?
Are you not listening? We only have 30 seconds!
The Great Kevan
Are you not listening? We only have 30 seconds!
The Great Kevan
30 seconds is all we need, Wayne.
You see, in my travels I came across a machine.
A machine not built by a magician.
It was built by a man that can actually do what magicians pretend to.
This is not an illusion and we are not using doubles.
We are using the New Transported Man.
The Great Kevan
A machine designed by Nikola Tesla.
A machine that can transport someone from Point A to Point B in a blink of an eye.
We use this machine to get someone onto the Death Star, deactivate the shields,
then teleport them back to earth as if they never even left.
Alexander Wayne
This is ludicrous.
Sandy Orton
If your machine does what you say it does, then I'm in.
I just need enough time to study the blueprints and gain access to the control room.
I can do it.
Nicholas Holmes
Good, then we have a plan.
Kevan, get us access to this machine as quickly as you can.
We're going to destroy the Death Star.
9527.11
White Rabbit
Or are you blind to it all?
White Rabbit
I will ask once again...
Are you watching closely?
....
OR ARE YOU ASLEEP....?!
White Rabbit
If you didn't find it... go back and look again.
FORGIVE ME.
HAHAHAHAHAHHA
315D 16H 18M 22S
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