Firefly Funhouse Match
John Seana vs. Chuckanuts
*John Seana's Music Hits*
We're really glad that you're our friend,
and this is a friendship that'll never ever end.
The camera pans out in the Firefly Funhouse,
we John Seana standing in the middle of the room.
Ramblin' Rabbit
You made it John!
Welcome to the Firefly Funhouse!
And now that you're here... I'm afraid there's gonna be no way out...
Go on John.. walk on out there and meet your maker.
John Seana walks out of the door, into darkness.
The Devil
John Seana! There you are!
I just fired the previous League Commissioner
because he couldn't handle the PPR fiasco!
But you, you got what it takes.
I want you to be the new damn commissioner!
You don't have any say in the matter.
The Devil
But I don't want this to be just like any other Fantasy Football League.
Give me some entertainment, damnit!
Use storylines to make it more interesting,
I don't care if it takes up all your time and nobody reads them.
You're gonna write them or YOU'RE FIIIIRED!
John Seana
Storylines? About what?
The Devil
That's your job, commissioner!
Do I have to do everything around here?
How about wrasslin'? You like that fake crap!
Make a story about wrasslin' and give each Fantasy Manager a character.
Come on, it'll be fun.
I'll even let you be the face of the league.
Big Match John!
But only if you go out there and grab that brass ring.
Only if you got what it takes...
Minh Wyatt
Tonight, I am issuing a challenge to anyone in that locker room,
anyone that I've haven't wrestled before, to come out here and face me!
Mercy the Buzzard
Oh my God! Th-th-that's gotta be John Seana!
Minh Wyatt
What makes you think, that you've got what it takes,
to hang with Minh Wyatt?
John Seana
RUTHLESS.... AGGRESSION!
Seana swings and misses.
Minh Wyatt
Oh my god, John!
You can do better than that, this storyline is never going to work!
And I think your cousins, think you're a little strange.
They didn't ask for these storylines,
they didn't ask to be apart of your made up fantasy.
No one even knows why you're writing this crap.
Come on, let's try again. Let's try a new timeline.
Minh Wyatt
Come on brother!
I'm calling upon all my Minhiniacs!
Tonight the Fireflies and SeaNation join forces for the common good.
I'd like to welcome in my tag team partner.. J-J-J-JOHN SEEEEANA!
Minh Wyatt
Look at the physique! The deltoids! The PEDs!
With that sleeveless shirt, you're clearly the most intimidating
Fantasy Manager on that football field!
Minh Wyatt
The most fit cousin in the league...
WHAT CHA GONNA DO BROTHER...
when Justin Styles takes your back and chokes you out?
Or what cha gonna do, when Kevin Owens outruns you on that football field
and makes you look like a damn fool!
You're no longer WR1 anymore.
So what cha gona do?
John Seana
I'm gonna... I'm gonna... LIFT HARDER!
Minh Wyatt
Don't fool yourself, brother.
You're past your prime and you'll never get it back.
Not unless you take these magical pills!
Minh Wyatt knocks out Seana.
*DING DING*
*DING DING*
Mercy the Buzzard
Can I have your attention please?
I have just received an email from the Anonymous League Commissioner.
And I quote...
Tonight, we will hold a rap battle between
the Doctor of Thuganomics and Young Fiend.
*John Seana's Music Hits*
Minh Wyatt
Uh oh! The Doctor of Thuganomics is back!
Minh Wyatt
Let's hear it, John.
You used to write wraps in your AIM profile
back in middle school.
Hit me with that hot fire,
it can't be any more embarrassing than these storylines are.
John Seana
I said yo...
I came to the Firefly Funhouse to put you in your place,
but now that I'm here, all I see is deez nuts in your face!
WORD LIFE!
Minh Wyatt
Is that all you've got, John?
My disappointment is immeasurable, and now you've ruined my day.
So let's try this on for size.
I take over your mind until your knee buckles,
then oops, pow, surprise, get knocked out with these brass knuckles.
Minh Wyatt knocks out John Seana.
Minh Wyatt
Oh god... let's not even go there.
We know what an epic failure this was.
What's going on, John? Writer fatigue?
You don't want to write about wrasslin' anymore?
Well at least with wrasslin' you have an open ended story.
But if you want to write about already written stories,
and follow a linear path hitting all the same plot points, be my guest!
Even that lovely story about drug dealing could happen one way.
You want it to be one way, John...
but it's the other way.
***Wyatt Family Cut In***
Minh Wyatt
I was the color red in a world full of black and white.
You made me this way, I didn't ask for it.
You set me up, John.
Step me up for unimaginable expectations.
I was the Eater of Worlds.
The Prince of Darkness...
You gave me the Undertaker and you gave me Bray...
Minh Wyatt
Impossible shoes to fill.
And at every turn, you did your best to protect my character.
You needed me to succeed so that I could be the villain in your story.
I didn't ask for this, John.
I just came here to play fantasy football.
But you... you wanted to create something more.
And now, here we are.
But what you fail to realize, John...
Despite all my shortcomings, when you look at me...you see a mirror.
Because John... you're me.
Minh Wyatt
John Cena, the 16x World Champion.
The face of a generation.
You wanted so desperately to be the man, John.
You gave yourself the lead character,
but you could not live up to the expectations.
And at every turn, you did your best to protect your character.
How could you be the King on the chessboard,
while the rest of us pawns kneel before your storyboard?
How could you be the guy, when after 10 years in the league,
you have no championships to show for it?
Minh Wyatt
You're nothing, John. Nothing but a failure.
And now is the time to put an end to it all.
Now is the time for fear.... RUN!
Minh Wyatt drops to his knees.
Minh Wyatt
Do what has to be done, John.
Put an end to your failures.
Assassinate my character, bury the Eater of Worlds.
Bury the Face of the WCC.
No more protecting us, John!
Bury the idea that you're the best.
End me, John!
Put us out of our miseries.
Strike me down and I will always be with you...
hahahaha...
John Seana swings at Minh, but misses once again.
*NWO's Music Hits*
Minh Wyatt
Ahhh... yes... the heel turn that never was!
Poor Little Jimmy, what did he ever do to deserve this?
But this time John, if you turn heel,
make sure you do it right.
Don't squander a storyline with so much potential,
only to run out of gas and create a jumbled mess that makes no sense whatsoever.
The Devil
This is such good shit!
Minh Wyatt
Too Sweet me, brother!
Ohhh yeaaah.... and now we've come full circle.
John Seana, 10-1.
You're the man now, John!
Finally going back to FantasyMania and you've got the whole world watching.
Watching in anticipation for what you're gonna do next.
Minh Wyatt
But the pressure is on now, John.
Your time is running out my friend,
will you finally get the monkey off your back?
You're the favorite to win it all, Johnny.
The golden child, this is your moment...
But sadly, I'm afraid... as long as you are here with me...
you will never go to FantasyMania.
Because as long as you are here with me... you are mine.
Minh Wyatt
I'm sorry John, but I've played you like a fool...
Because the Firefly Funhouse isn't a match,
it's a permanent purgatory for you and I.
For us bottom feeders...
Minh Wyatt
But don't worry, John.
We're not alone.
Minh Wyatt
The Champ is here!
Minh Wyatt
And the President Elect...
John, I know this was supposed to be your year.
But I want you to know.. there's always next year.
Or the year after... or the year after that...
or the year after that...
But if you don't win in the storyline era, does it even really count?
Hahahaha....
John Seana snaps out of his trance.
John Seana
Minh.... enough!
I'm awake!
John Seana tackles Minh Wyatt and pummels him.
As Seana continues to hammer away at Minh Wyatt,
but he turns into Huskus the Pigboy.
John Seana stares at his hands, he's fallen into Minh Wyatt's game.
The Fiend appears behind John Seana!
He surprises him with the Mandible Claw!
John Seana is reliving the I Quit match!
Once again, Seana has no choice but to quit.
Winner via Submission:
Chuckanuts
The Fiend celebrates over Seana's motionless body.
John Seana suddenly blinks away,
disappearing into thin air.
The Fiend
You can't see him anymore.
AFW Championship Match
Dalvin's Cookout vs. Who's Koo Part 2
The AFW Championship is on the line in this one.
Vic Moxley challenging Chris Vinson.
Jim Ross
There's been a lot of bad blood between these two.
We see Moxley wearing that eyepatch,
after nearly losing his eye at the hands of Chris Vinson.
21.90 points from James Robinson.
These two Superstars are hammering away at one another.
21 points from Younghoe Koo!
But don't count out Vinson, 15 points from his kicker in response.
Looking to finish, Chris Vinson locks in the Walls of Vinson.
Moxley just gets to the ropes to break the hold.
Chris Vinson lines Moxley up for the Judas Effect,
but Moxley ducks! And hits him with a Paradigm Shift!
1-2-3!
Winner via Pinfall and NEW AFW Champion:
Who's Koo Part 2
Moxley wins! Keeping his slim playoff hopes alive.
With one more week in the regular season,
Vic Moxley will need a huge performance in Week 13
to even have a chance at FantasyMania.
Singles Match
Rockson Reigns vs. Joyce's Team
Rockson Reigns takes on 2nd place Sandy Orton.
Looking to keep riding that winning streak,
Rockson Reigns has a tall task in front of him.
31.60 points from Antonio Gibson on Thanksgiving,
Sandy Orton jumps to an early lead.
But strong defensive work from Green Bay defense
keeps Rockson Reigns in this one.
Taking this outside of the ring now, is Sandy Orton.
But Riggler comes in to the aid of Rockson Reigns!
Sandy Orton reverses and hits an RKO on Riggler!
But before Orton can get back to her feet,
Rockson Reigns hits her with a Superman Punch!
Winner via Pinfall:
Rockson Reigns
Jim Ross
That is now 6 straight for the Tribal Chief, Rockson Reigns.
And you've got to wonder..
These two Superstars very well could meet once again
in a few weeks at FantasyMania.
WCC Championship Match
No Trade League vs. Howard's Team (C)
The Hiz goes one on one with Single H for the WCC Championship!
A fast start for The Game, 29.10 points from Will Fuller.
But Tyreek Hill goes off for 44.90 and Hiz hits a Skull Crushing Finale!
Winner via Pinfall and STILL WCC Champion:
Howard's Team
The Hiz continues to shock the world,
beating big name after big name.
With his 4th straight victory, he has a legitimate path to the Playoffs.
Singles Match
Look like I lost vs. #7tormsComing
They find the FBI already set up to raid the building.
Detective Tai
Tell your men to stand down, this is our case.
FBI Agent
Sir, we have orders from the President Elect to take him down.
The Baugh
I don't give a damn who your orders come from,
unless you want your men to die, tell them to stand down.
*CM PUP's Music Hits*
CM PUP
Baugh, I'm here and I'm ready to help.
What do you need me to do?
The Baugh
What's this Straight Edge piece of crap doing here?
What? You came here with the Bullet Club to stop us?
Because I'll whoop your MAGA loving ass all over God's green earth.
CM PUP
Look Baugh, I know what you're thinking.
And I can explain everything but right now,
you need to let me help you.
Trust me, I'm here as a friend.
What do you want me to do?
The Baugh
What do I want you to do?
I want you to stay the fuck out of my way.
We got this under control and we've got a plan.
We're slapping the cuffs on your President tonight.
CM PUP
He's not my President.
And if you want this done right,
you'll need The Best in the League.
You don't want to dance with the guy,
just get what you need and get out.
The Baugh
Listen jabroni, know your role and shut your mouth.
I'm running show here and I don't need some punk ass bitch
telling me what I should do.
I don't trust you for a goddamn second.
You burned that bridge one too many times.
Kenny Omega
Make him go to sleep, PUP.
What is this 1x League Champion doing,
telling you what to do?
You're the boss... true GOAT of the WCC.
Teach him a lesson, PUP.
They should be following your lead, not his.
Following him will only get everyone killed.
Kenny Omega
Do it, PUP.
Make him sleep.
The Baugh runs through his spot,
mimicking a People's Elbow on Donald Trump,
but he's clotheslined by CM PUP!
CM PUP spits on the Baugh and the two square off.
23.60 points from Nick Chubb.
But the Baugh defending well,
and a crucial mistake by PUP starting Hinton.
Baugh Bottom! Baugh Bottom!
1-2-3!
Winner via Pinfall:
#7tormsComing
The Baugh
Get this piece of trash out of my face.
Let's get ready, Donald will be here any second.
Against Donald Trump Projection Actual
Look like I lost 115.63 98.12
Rock's Team 96.01 99.54
Will win 107.49 86.00
Joyce's Team 108.42 91.84
No Trade League 111.09 104.78
Who's Koo Part 2 111.08 129.38
JimmyGeesus 90.81 78.70
Chuckanuts 106.90 115.20
#7tormsComing 106.92 109.32
howard's team 109.82 122.30
John Seana 112.61 83.62
Justin's Team 83.40 89.40
Week 12: 6-6 (0.500)
Overall: 55-89 (0.381)
No comments:
Post a Comment