The Waiver Wire Episode 2 - "The Dynasty Business"

We open Week 2 with The Baugh prepping his Fantasy Team.

The Baugh

Alright, everyone listen up!
Great win in Week 1.
That's how we do it in this unit.

In this unit, we do it my way, not your way.

Your way got you here.

Whatever football team you're from, whatever college you went to...

this is your hood now!

The Baugh

Announcements:

Special shout out to Kirk Cousins, lead investigator against Gustavo Fring last season.

This sumbitch was poisoning our community and we brought this piece of shit down!

Everyone give it up for Kirk Cousins!

Baugh's Fantasy Team claps for Kirk Cousins, who stands up accepting the recognition.

The Baugh

Let's not forget, this mother fucker, Gus Fring, was wanted dead or alive.

We would have preferred to bring him in alive, but as we know...
Sometimes, your best shot, is to kill the son of a bitch!
Let's shout out Julian Edelman for the kill shot, crushing Gus with his car.

The Fantasy Team claps for Julian Edelman.

The Baugh

Alright Kirk, let's go over the game plan for Week 2 and keep this hot start going.

Kirk Cousins

We've taken down Fring, but now we shift our focus to the man only known as The Greek...

The Baugh retreats back to his office where he finds a mysterious man sitting in his chair.

The Baugh

Who the hell are you?

Mr. Nobody

Me? I'm Nobody.

A shadow.

And I'm afraid you've inadvertently stepped foot in a war among ghosts.
Got a little more than you bargained for, when you went after the chicken man.

The Baugh
What the hell are you talking about?

Mr. Nobody
There's a much larger agenda here, Mr. Baugh.
And when you're done playing cops and robbers, murdering Colonel Sanders,
I'd love to speak to you about doing something far more important.
I'm not exaggerating when I say the fate of the universe is at stake.

The Baugh
I'm listening.

Mr. Nobody
What do you know about Fantasy Stones, Mr. Baugh?

"Nothing stops this train. Nothing" - Rocksonberg

Elsewhere, Joyce Greggs is scouting Jesse Barkdale's Fantasy Team ahead of Week 2.

*Camera Snap*

Her starting running back, Kareem Hunt, is helping with the scouting.

*Camera Snap*

JuJu Smith Schuster
Joyce, what do we got here?



Detective Joyce
Y'all are late.
We're scoping out Jesse Barkdale's Fantasy Team in preparation for Week 2.
Studying his players and coming up with projections.
Grab a camera and start snapping photos of anyone that Kareem Hunt puts a hat on.
Especially if it's a red hat.

Kareem Hunt

Gentleman, gentleman.

Look what I got here for ya.

Five dollars a hat.

Come on and try 'em on.

Marquise Goodwin

Man, ain't nobody trying to buy no hats.

Kareem Hunt
It's a steal of a deal, my man.
It'll cover up any bald spots.
I got all kinds of hats.



Ezekiel Elliott
Man, if you don't get on up out of here.



JuJu Smith Schuster
Who is Kareem Hunt?
And what's up with the red hats?

Detective Joyce
He's my CI.
Helps keep me up to date with what's going on in the streets.
Anyone he puts a hat on, is a member of Barkdale's Fantasy Team.
The especially important players on the can't cut list, he puts a red hat on.
But we want some of the lower end players as well.

Ezekiel Elliott tries on a red hat to the persistence of Kareem Hunt.

*Camera Snap*

Kyle Rudolph
I thought we were going after the big fish.
Why do we care about some of the lower end bench warmers?

Detective Joyce
Because genius, if Jesse drops any of these players,
we can claim them off the waiver wire.
Maybe they'll join our team and we can get them to flip on Barksdale.

Kyle Rudolph
Join our team?
Wait, Joyce. You're not thinking about cutting any of us, are you?

Detective Joyce
No guarantees Kyle.
If I can find a better tight end than your ass, and you start under performing..
You best start looking for a new team.

Joyce smirks at Rudolph.

Kyle Rudolph
I scored a touchdown on Sunday for you!



JuJu Smith Schuster
Come on, Kyle.
Grab a camera and start helping me out with these photos, will ya?

*Commercial*

Colin Kaepernick
If you're a Fantasy Manager, don't just score fantasy points.
Score the most Fantasy Points.

*Commercial*

Detective Minh examines a photo of D'justin Barksdale, taken by Joyce Greggs earlier this week.

Detective Minh's opponent in Week 2 is D'justin Barksdale.

Detective Minh

Take a look here.

Everyone in Barkdale's organization uses pagers and payphones to conduct their business.

Detective Howard

Pagers and payphones?

I thought these were big time drug dealers.

Why are they still using technology from the 90s?

Detective Minh

It's quite brilliant, actually.

No talking on the burners.

They get a page when it's time to talk business.

And talk on payphones.

I've studied D'justin Barksdale all week.

He never uses the same payphone twice.

And by the looks of it, everyone in The Pit appears on edge.

Detective Howard

On edge?

Why's that?

Detective Minh

Something must have happened.

Maybe took a loss in Week 1?

A known member of his team, Greg Olsen, came into San Francisco General Hospital last night with gun shot wounds to his foot.

Maybe robbed by another rival dealer?

We cut to Jesse Barksdale talking to his Fantasy Team 

and Kenneth Bell about D'justin Barksdale's robbery.

Jesse Barksdale

I'm sayin' though.

What the fuck?

A blowout loss in Week 1?

D'justin gets his shit took by Oumar?

And now I'm in last place to kick off the new season?

How's that gonna play in the streets? Huh?

You know how them white people do?

For when they go hunting and kill a deer?

They hang it up and put it on display for everybody to see.

You feel me?

I'm serious.

That's what I want.

Jesse Barksdale

I want that mother fucker on display.

Send a message to the court yard.

So people know we ain't playing this season.

I want people to know that some punk mother fucker like Victor Oumar can't just come in and take shit from Jesse Barksdale.

You feel me?

Ezekiel Elliott

Yeah... we got people on it.

Jesse Barksdale

We're gonna do it like Gregg Williams.

Put a bounty on Victor Oumar and any of his Fantasy Players.

I want them players injured.

Dead, even.

You tell 'em it's $1000 on his Fantasy Players.

And it's a deuce on Oumar.

Dalvin Cook

Yeah, Hurns is on it.

You know Hurns jailed with Oumar down in the cut, right?

He says, that he all faggot.

Jesse Barksdale

A faggot?

Fuck outta here.

Ezekiel Elliott

Uh huh.

That's the word on the streets.

They be saying he running with them Odell boys.

Kenneth Bell

So he got a lot of heart for a cocksucker, huh?

Jesse Barksdale

Yo, yo, yo.

We doubling down on sweet lips.

You make it four mother fucking thousand dollars on him.

Six if I get a chance to holler at him before he get got,

so I can teach him some manners first.

Ezekiel Elliott

Say less.

I got you.

Ezekiel Elliott and Dalvin Cook are dismissed from the meeting.

Jesse Barksdale

You got this punk mother fucker in Week 2?

Kenneth Bell

Yeah, I'm on it.

We're gonna get Oumar.

Jesse Barksdale

What about Greg Olsen? MRI come back?

Kenneth Bell

Not sure.

Oumar put a few shells in his foot.

Might miss the season.

Even worse, police are already asking questions.

Kenneth Bell

I'll handle it.

Oumar too.

Jesse Barksdale
Bay Area Forever!

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*Commercial*

Victor Oumar and his Fantasy Team count their winnings from Week 1.

Devin Funchess

Pretty good Week 1, huh?

Victor Oumar

It was aight.

Victor Oumar

That play inside though...

0.80 points, Jimmy?

Jimmy Graham

I know.

I fucked up, saying your name in front of them Barksdale boys.

Victor Oumar

It's not my name I'm worried about, baby boy.

I just don't want them coming after y'all is all.

Funchess is visibly uncomfortable.

Devin Funchess

So what's next?

We go after another Barksdale joint?

Victor Oumar

Nah. I say we lay low for a minute.

Until the heat die down.

Maybe go North side and give Prop Vinny a visit.

So what's up man?

You trying to stay here tonight?

Devin Funchess

Nah.... man.

I'm good.

Victor Oumar

You sure?

Devin Funchess

Yeah... I gotta... prepare for Week 2.

Victor Oumar

Keep it low.

Them Barksdale boys may be coming after you.

We cut to Rocksonberg who is reflecting on his Week 1 loss.

After winning the League Championship last season,

 starting 0-1 is the last thing Rocksonberg was expecting to do to kick off the new season.

Carson Wentz

Mr. Yan.

Mr. Yan, come on.

We had a good run, but it's over.

Gus is dead and we have no distribution.

Yahoo already ruined our auto draft.

I mean, come on, yo.

The writing's on the wall.

Demarco Murray? Seriously?

And Le'Veon. Le'Veon won't even report to the team.

And me??

I'm recovering from ACL surgery!

You don't really expect us to win it again this season, do you?

We got our League Championships, didn't we?

Let's call it a career in the West Coast Cousins.

Rocksonberg

Carson, did I ever tell you about my Golden State Warriors season tickets?

Well, I owned a pair of Golden State Warriors season tickets.

During the We Believe era, with Baron Davis, Stephen Jackson and Jason Richardson.

Courtside seats, Carson.

And back then, it was just, small time.

First playoff appearance in 13 years.

It was exciting, but nothing earth shattering.

Rocksonberg

Of course, we all knew the potential.

The Warriors were going to take the world by storm.

Maybe, if we're lucky, a Championship title.

And then... Baron Davis signed elsewhere.

Jason Richardson was traded.

The Warriors went back to obscurity.

And so I decided to sell the rights to my season tickets.

Rocksonberg

And do you know how much I sold my tickets for?

500 dollars.

Now at the time, that was a lot of money for me.

Care to guess how many playoff appearances the Warriors have made since then?

Carson Wentz

I don't know? One or two?

Rocksonberg

Six straight playoff appearances. With an S.

And 3 NBA Championship titles.

I sold my Warriors season tickets, the dynasty of the NBA, for a few weeks worth of food.

Carson Wentz
This isn't the same thing.

Rocksonberg
Carson, you asked me, if I was in the Fantasy Football business or the money business.
Neither.
I'm in the Dynasty Business.
The Circle of Champions remains in tact.
Joyce has two.
Ken has two.
Tai has three.
And I have two.
I will win the League Championship again.
And I will become the greatest Fantasy Manager this league has ever seen.
Our Fantasy Team will keep going no matter what.
We are not ramping down.
We're just getting started.
Nothing stops this train.
Nothing.