Earth-1887
Alexander Wayne
Wow, Kevan.
I've been studying your Fantasy Team and I am truly amazed.
Emeka Egbuka for a second season in a row?
You must not learn from your mistakes.
The Great Kevan
Egbuka did well for me in Week 5.
11.20 is a respectable performance, asshole.
Enough to get me the win.
Alexander Wayne
You're hanging on by a thread, Kevan.
Meanwhile, I've won 3 straight and I'm only getting better.
The Great Kevan
Well, not all of us can ride behind the coat tails of Jahmyr Gibbs and Derrick Henry.
Alexander Wayne
It was my strategy to take elite running backs.
You had the same opportunity and you didn't take advantage.
Just make sure you don't quit on me half way through the season,
the same way you quit the magic industry for your Museum of Freaks.
Kendall Holmes
Are you two seriously still at it?
This back and forth between the two of you has gotten old rather quickly.
Wouldn't you say, Holmes?
Nicholas Holmes
I wouldn't know... Holmes.
Nicholas Holmes
I haven't paid it much mind.
I've been rather busy putting a plan together to save the world.
Kendall Holmes
You mean we've been a plan together.
Nicholas Holmes
I haven't minced my words.
Remind me, who found the recordings and the weapon's weakness?
God knows what you've contributed to all of this.
Kendall Holmes
You've got some nerve, Holmes.
I'm the one who discovered the weapon in the first place!
If not for my observations, you wouldn't even know of its existence!
Nicholas Holmes
Discovering a disease and finding its cure are hardly in the same class.
Just like you and I are hardly the same in any meaningful way.
It's a wonder that we're somehow variants of one another.
The Great Kevan
Now look who's still at it.
You two will never resolve your differences,
just like Wayne and I will never get along.
This is like water and oil.
How are we supposed to come up with a plan to stop that thing?
The Scarlet Joyce enters the frame.
Scarlet Joyce
Stop what thing?
WEST COAST COUSINS:
THE KANG DYNASTY
Episode Six - Back to the Future
Outside of Time
The Watcher
Welcome back, Butker.
Have you made any progress with your Time Slipping?
Harrison Butker
Harrison Butker
No. How am I meant to make any progress?
Whatever you've shown me has nothing to do with my ability to control time.
The Watcher
Interesting.
Perhaps, today will be different.
Allow me to showcase a world in which time travel was discovered.
However, this is a cautionary tale.
Understand that if you mess with time, it tends to mess back.
Earth-1151955
Narrator
In Earth-1151955, Christopher Parker arrives at the parking lot of Serramonte Shopping Center.
The young Fantasy Manager has come to meet his mentor, Kendrick Stark.
Narrator
As Parker arrives, we find a DeLorean backing out from the truck.
Christopher Parker
Mr. Stark.
Kendrick Stark
Ah, Chris! Excellent timing.
Welcome to the main event.
This right here? This is the big one.
The project is going to change modern technology forever.
Christopher Parker
Whoa... Mr. Stark is that—is that a DeLorean?!
Kendrick Stark
Stay focused, Underoos.
All of your questions will be answered shortly. Hit record.
Christopher Parker
Alright, I'm ready.
Kendrick Stark
Good evening, I'm Dr. Kendrick Stark.
I'm standing in the parking lot of Serramonte Shopping Center here in Daly City.
It's Wednesday morning October 14th, 1985, 1:18 AM.
Kendrick Stark
And this is temporal experiment #1.
Stark straps his dog into the front seat of the DeLorean.
Kendrick Stark
Alright, pay attention, kid.
Oppie's internal clock is hard-wired into my control watch.
You got it?
Christopher Parker
Right, got it Mr. Stark.
Narrator
Through a remote control, Stark drives the DeLorean
and backs it up 100 yards away from where they're standing.
Kendrick Stark
If my math holds up—and let’s be honest, it always does—
the second this baby hits 88 mph, you’re gonna see some serious shit.
Stark revs up the engine and speeds the car up,
heading towards the two Fantasy Managers.
As the vehicles approaches 88 mph,
a bolt of electricity and energy shoots from the vehicle.
The car disappears and a track of fire ignites at their feet.
Both Fantasy Managers look back in shock.
Kendrick Stark
What'd I say, kid?
Christopher Parker
Oh, man—holy cow, Mr. Stark, you just vaporized Oppenheimer!
He’s gone! You turned him into smoke!
Kendrick Stark
Relax, Parker.
I didn't vaporize anything.
The molecular structure of both Oppie and the car are completely intact.
Christopher Parker
Okay, but if they're completely intact,
where the hell are they?
Kendrick Stark
The appropriate question is when the hell are they?
You just witnessed the world's very first time travel experiment!
Oppie just became the world's first time traveler.
I sent him into the future!
One minute into the future to be exact.
At precisely 1:21 AM and zero seconds, we will catch up with him and the time machine!
Christopher Parker
Wait, hold on.
Mr. Stark... are you telling me you actually built a time machine?!
Out of a DeLorean?!
Kendrick Stark
Look, if you're gonna break the fundamental laws of quantum mechanics,
you've got to do it with some style.
*Beep beep*
Kendrick Stark
Look out!
See! Oppie is just fine.
Let me show you how it works.
Kendrick Stark
First step, engage the temporal displacement circuits.
Top readout is your target destination, middle is where you're standing now,
and bottom is where you came from.
Simple, intuitive, sleek.
You punch in your target date right on the interface here.
Say for example... November 5th, 1955...
Kendrick Stark
Wait... November 5th, 1955.
Of course!
Christopher Parker
Wait, I don't get it. What happened?
Kendrick Stark
That was the day I invented time travel.
I remember it vividly, I went to throw a football.
I was working on my mechanics, took the snap and dropped back.
But I must have slipped, I fell and hit my head.
And when I came to, I had a revelation, a vision!
Kendrick Stark
A picture of this!
This is what makes time travel possible.
The Inverted Mobius Strip!
I call it a Time Space GPS.
Christopher Parker
A Time Space GPS?
Kendrick Stark
It's taken almost 30 years of my family fortune
and Stark Tech to realize the vision of that day.
Christopher Parker
This is—wow. Mr. Stark, this is heavy duty.
Like, mind-blowing level stuff here.
But wait... does it take regular unleaded gasoline or did you buy like special rocket fuel?
Kendrick Stark
Unleaded? Please.
We're bending space-time, not taking a trip to Silicon Valley.
It needs a little more juice. Weapons-grade plutonium.
Christopher Parker
Uh... plutonium?
Wait a minute, are you telling me that this sucker is nuclear?!
Kendrick Stark
Relax, it's not a bomb.
The drive system is electric.
But to kick the temporal displacement into gear,
I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electricity I need.
Christopher Parker
Mr. Stark.. you can't just order plutonium online.
Did you steal that plutonium?
Kendrick Stark
Of course... from a group that called themselves the Ten Rings.
They took me into a cave and wanted me to build them a bomb.
So I took their plutonium and in turn gave them a box of scraps!
Come on, kid. Let's get you a radiation suit.
Stark loads the plutonium into the DeLorean.
Kendrick Stark
I, Doctor Kendrick Stark—visionary, pioneer, genius—
am about to embark on a truly historic journey.
Wait.. what am I doing?!
What am I thinking?!
I almost forgot to bring extra plutonium!
How was I planning on making the return trip?
One pellet per jump.
One pellet... I must be losing my mind.
Narrator
Just as Stark makes his realization, we see a car driving into the parking lot.
Kendrick Stark
Oh my God...
They've found me. I don't know how, but they found me.
Run for it, Chris!
Christopher Parker
Who?
Kendrick Stark
Who do you think!
The Ten Rings!
Justinmonger appears through the roof of the van,
hoisting a rifle in his hand.
.png)
Narrator
Kendrick Stark freezes as Justinmonger has his sights set on the Stark variant in Week 6.
Justinmonger clips Stark in the leg ahead of their matchup.
Christopher Parker
NOOOO! YOU BASTARDS!
Narrator
Inside the car, we find a John Seana variant driving the van.
Justinmonger
What are you doing?
We got Stark.
John Seana
We're not done yet.
We need the kid as well, and he just jumped into the DeLorean.
Justinmonger
The mission was Stark.
I don't give a damn about the kid.
John Seana
Your mission was Stark.
The Conqueror wants me to go after Chris Parker and his little Time Machine.
Chris Parker jumps into the DeLorean as Seana is in pursuit.
Narrator
The undefeated John Seana takes on the defending League Champion,
Chris Law at SF Honda in Week 6.
Justinmonger pulls out a bazooka.
Justinmonger
Alright, I got this.
I'll blow that Time Machine into smithereens.
Christopher Parker
Holy shit...
Christopher Parker
Let's see if you bastards can do 90.
Parker hits 88 mph and travels back into time.
Harrison Butker
So, Stark found a way to travel through time.
This might be the answer, Uatu.
The Watcher
I should warn you, Stark's method of travel is much different than your own.
Harrison Butker
Right, but he found a way to control time.
You've got to show me more from this world.
Maybe the answer lies in Earth-1151955.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Earth-415
Bret Baier
Bret Baier with ATN News.
After last season's debacle with former President Donald Trump
transforming into a giant orange monster, newly appointed President JD Vance,
answered questions today from the White House Press Briefing Room.
President JD Vance
Good afternoon, everyone. Thank you for being here.
For years, the American people have watched as global threats
have tested the limits of our standard defense infrastructure.
That is why today, under the authority of myself
in full coordination of the Department of Damage Control,
I am proud to announce the official charter of the New West Coast Cousins.
The New West Coast Cousins are, as of this morning,
designated as the official Superhero Defense Team of the United States of America.
I would like to thank Director of Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard,
for the recruitment and coordination of the New West Coast Cousins.
With this new team protecting our country, I am confident that global threats are now a thing of the past.
We cut to the New West Coast Cousins building.
Nico Collins
The New West Coast Cousins?
Tell me this is some sort of joke.
.jpg)
Kenneth Walker
Nico, please—
Nico Collins
I don't want to hear anything from you, Walker.
The fame and the big contract must be getting to your head.
Superbowl MVP and now you think you're running the show?
If Tai Rogers were here right now—
Kenneth Walker
Well, he's not.
And I'm not sure if he's ever coming back.
So the world needs us now more than ever.
Black Widow
Nico, we're not your enemies.
We're here to help and you're just going to have to trust us.
Nico Collins
Trust you?
You're a contract killers, hired guns.
And if you're working for Tulsi Gabbard, then I definitely don't trust you.
Silver Surfer
Are you the protectors of this world?
The New West Coast Cousins and Nico Collins look up in the sky,
it is the Silver Surfer, hovering on her surfboard.
Black Widow
What the hell is that?
Nico Collins
A new global threat.
Silver Surfer
Your planet is now marked for salvation.
For those fortunate enough to join Outer Heaven, congratulations.
Our time of peace and prosperity is near.
But for those unfortunate souls who will soon depart, enjoy your final days.
Your sacrifice for the greater multiverse will not be forgotten.
Savor your last meals, hug your loved ones.
Hold onto these final moments.
Earth-415, I herald his beginning.
I herald the end of the multiverse.
I herald... the Conqueror.
Nico Collins
Listen lady, you're gonna have to fly back to where it is you came from.
Tell Kang that this world is not for rent.
So you'll just have to find another world to invade.
Silver Surfer
Are you the leader of this band of heroes?
Vinpool
No ma'am, he is not!
Madonna
...Life is a mystery
Everyone must stand alone...
I hear you call my name...
And it feels like home...
Vinpool
Don't worry everyone, we've made it.
The real leader of this group of misfits is here.
Kevan and I have come to save the day.
We'll take it from here, Captain DEI.
Nico Collins
Walker, who the hell are these guys?
Kenneth Walker
I don't know...
Vinpool
The name's Vinpool and I'm the savior of the multiverse.
Relax, Collins. I know exactly how to play this.
....
..LANGMORE!
Vinpool
We're just about sick of you ruining everything.
So, we're here to talk you down.
I'm giving you one chance to take your silver ass back to Hawaii
and leave this universe alone.
If you don't... I will be forced to go down that route.
Silver Surfer
Your mouth will only get you killed, mercenary.
Vinpool
Alright, I tried my best.
I can see there's no talking you down, so I need to bring in the expert.
You've left me no choice, Langmore.
....
BATEMAN!
Bateman
Ruth... it's me, Bateman.
Listen, I need you to just sit down for ten seconds and actually listen to what you're saying.
Please. You're talking about subjugating seven, eight billion people.
This planet, this world, it's not yours to take.
Now, as far as this Conqueror guy, I can talk to him.
I just need your help arranging a meeting and
I'm sure we can come to some sensible resolution here.
But this is exactly what you cannot do.
You cannot take over this world, Ruth.
Do you understand?
Vinpool
Heh. Is this guy great or what?
He can talk his way out of anything, it's like watching Spacey in 'The Negotiator.'
And, you'll never guess which universe I found him from.
Kevan
Why's he dressed like an idiot?
Vinpool
You should talk.
You look like Goldar from the Power Rangers.
Bateman
Look, if you do this. You'll become a slave to Kang for the rest of your life.
Do you really want—
The Silver Surfer makes her move and flies through Bateman's chest,
splitting his body in half while doing so.
Vinpool
OH FUCK!
Jesus! I did NOT see that coming!
Kevan
What the hell did you think was gonna happen?
Bateman doesn't even have any superpowers.
Vinpool
He had plenty of prep time...
Silver Surfer
Earth-415, return to your homes.
Hold your family close and pray you'll join them in this Final Universe.
This will be your only warning.
The New West Coast Cousins are left stunned as the Silver Surfer flies away.
10572.77
