Wednesday, November 6, 2024

WCC No Way Holmes: Episode 10 - Cousins '97


Earth-97

LAUDATE OMNES GENTES LAUDATE


Narrator
As Week 10 opens, we find a team of TVA officers
surrounding a handcuffed Minhneto.

B-26
Don't even think about trying anything, Minhneto!
You are hereby under arrest by orders of the Time Variance Authority.

Minhneto
....
Time Variance Authority?


Mobius
Relax, boys.
We have Minhneto under control.


Minhneto
Where am I?
Where have you taken me and why do I look like this?
Why do you all... look like this?

Mobius
My colleague, Mr. Paradox, handed you over to us.
And right now, we're running a little experiment in this back half of the season.
Trying to see if we can find a place for you to.... fit in.
As for how you look... how any of us look...
You're in a Universe... how do I put this?
You're in a Universe that lacks the dimensions that you're used to.
But don't be alarmed.
What this universe lacks in dimensions, it makes up for in color.


Minhneto
What am I doing here?

Mobius
You're here because you're out of place.
In your previous world, Earth-415, you were facing some issues.
With a record of 5-4, and some tough luck as of late,
it seems you're right on track to miss the playoffs.... again.
So... we're here to evaluate if you can get back on track.
As a tyrant, you've always been hellbent on vengeance and destruction.
But now, I think it's time for something new.
We brought you to Earth-97 to see if you can become a leader.

Minhneto
A leader?
A leader of whom?

Mobius
...your new Fantasy Team.





















Sam 'Cyclops' Darnold
CeeDee and I have an announcement to make.

Davante 'Storm' Adams
You're leaving us...


Blake Grupe
Uh... what?
The two of you were the first players that Professor X drafted.
If they're gone.. who the heck is going to lead the team?

*Intruder Alert*


Derrick 'Beast' Henry
Sensors show that the intruder has breached the Professor's old office!


The F-Men quickly rush into the Professor's office.

Minhneto
...Charles Xavier was the finest man I knew.


Minhneto
Despite our differences, he never ceased to have faith in our friendship.
Nor forgive my many failures.
Perhaps that is why the old fool has done this..

Sam 'Cyclops' Darnold
Minhneto.
What are you doing here?


Minhneto
The last will and testament of Charles Francis Xavier.


Minhneto
As you all will see...
He has transferred everything over to me.
His fortune, his school, his Fantasy Team....
Everything he built, everything he fought for...


Minhneto
...now belongs to me.


---------------------------------------------------
Minhneto's Objective:
Lead the F-Men
(Finish the Season with 8 Wins or More)
---------------------------------------------------

Minhneto
My F-Men.



WEST COAST COUSINS
NO WAY HOLMES

Episode Ten - Cousins '97


Earth-1316


Michael Cole
This is what it's all about!
It all comes down to this, history in the making.
Pat, this is an unprecedented moment here in the West Coast Cousins.
Rockson Reigns takes on Tai "Freakin'" Rollins for a historic start in League History.
Rockson Reigns already has tied the record at 8-0, 
he looks to be the sole record holder at 9-0,
if he can beat a fellow League Champion in Tai Rollins.

Pat McAfee
Rollins finds himself in a tough spot, fighting for the playoffs.
But he stands in the way of history for Rockson Reigns.
He needs this win to keep his season going.


Michael Cole
Reigns, dominant all season long.
But without Purdy, Kittle, Pickens and his starting defense,
he has to overcome a set of obstacles to break the record.


Michael Cole
But Mike Gesicki! Filling in for George Kittle scores 22 points with 2 touchdown receptions!
DeAndre Hopkins also goes for 20.60!
Spear! Spear!
1-2-3!

Winner via Pinfall:
Rock Reigns


Pat McAfee
The Tribal Chief has done it, Michael Cole!
He stands alone!
9-0, the best start in West Coast Cousins history!
Rockson Reigns, undefeated on the year!
We have just witnessed history, Michael Cole!

Michael Cole
130.42 - 111.66, a valiant effort from Tai Rollins,
but he will fall short.
Congratulations to Rockson Reigns!


Earth-206


Narrator
We return to Earth-206 where Thor Rocksinson and Butker
plan their next move in the battle against Kang.



Thor Rocksinson
9-0.
Can you believe it, Butker?
Say what you will, but if I faced off against Kang today,
he would be at my mercy.

Harrison Butker
I wouldn't be so sure, brother.
Kang is a serious figure.

Thor Rocksinson
If he's as powerful as you say, then he should be a worthy opponent.
But with an overabundance of caution, I shall obtain a Kang killing weapon.


Thor Rocksinson
What do you think?

Harrison Butker
The Space Needle?
You can't be serious.

Thor Rocksinson
Oh, yes. I am dead serious.
Do you see how pointy that needle is?


Thor Rocksinson
Combined with the power of the sun,
one fell swoop and the Conqueror is no more.

Harrison Butker
And how exactly are you going to harness the power of the sun?

Thor Rocksinson
By becoming Omega Level, brother.
This is my year.
I am having by far the best year of my career in this league.
It would be a waste not to win it all.


---------------------------------------------------
Thor Rocksinson's Objective
Become Omega Level
(Win the 2024 League Championship)
---------------------------------------------------

Harrison Butker
Become Omega Level?
While I appreciate the seriousness in which you are taking this matter,
I'd like to remind you that last season,
you weren't even worthy enough to wield your hammer.

Thor Rocksinson
And what of this world?
Do you think I am still not worthy?


Rocksinson calls for his hammer.

Thor Rocksinson
Well, that answers that.
Bring on Kang.


Harrison Butker
Thor... someone's here..


Spiderman
Whoa, hold up.
You guys throwing a medieval custom party and didn't invite me?
Pretty sure Halloween was last week, fellas.

Thor Rocksinson
Parker, it's me. Thor.

Spiderman
Right. The same Thor who died sacrificing himself against Thanos?
Nice hammer, dude.
It really makes it all come together.
Mysterio did his homework this time.



Thor Rocksinson
Mysterio?
What's a Mysterio?

 Harrison Butker
Listen, kid.
We don't have time for this.
I assure you, this is the real Thor.
Thor Rocksinson, the rightful king of Asgard.
We don't mean you any harm.


Spiderman
Sure, sure. Rightful king.
The God of Thunder, the whole nine yards. I get it.
But I think I know a Mysterio illusion when I see one.



Narrator
Spiderman webs Rocksinson's hammer as
 he attempts to pull it from Rocksinson's grasp.

Spiderman
Wow. That thing's... really stuck in there, huh?


Rocksinson recalls his hammer, pulling Spiderman forward in the process.

Thor Rocksinson
I have no time for this, Parker.
You are meddling in affairs that have nothing to do with you.


Narrator
In the scuffle, Spiderman loses his mask,
revealing his face to Rocksinson.

Thor Rocksinson
Oh... he doesn't look like the Parker that I'm used to?

 Harrison Butker
Brother, rule number one of multiversal travel,
you don't know anything.
So never assume. This Parker is not the one you know.
And he is not your friend.


Spiderman
Alright. I guess we're gonna have to do things the old fashioned way.
Come on, Mysterio.
Give me your best shot!

Thor Rocksinson
*Sigh*
And I thought you were stubborn, Butker.
Let's show him who I really am...


Rocksinson flies towards Spiderman as we enter Week 10.

*Commercial*


*Commercial*


Earth-1887

Narrator
Back in Earth-1887, Alexander Wayne is found working on his next trick.
Suddenly, he hears a knock on the door.


Natasha Sherryoff
Interesting workshop.

Alexander Wayne
Yeah, we make due.

Natasha Sherryoff
My name is Natasha Sherryoff.


Alexander Wayne
Yeah, I know who you are.
You here to steal the rest of my show?

Natasha Sherryoff
No, I'm here to give your show what it's missing.

Alexander Wayne
Yeah?
What might that be?

Natasha Sherryoff
Me.


Alexander Wayne
*Chuckling*
Is that right? And how exactly are you going to help me?

Natasha Sherryoff
I've left Kevan. And I'm looking for a job.
I know you have no reason to trust me...

Alexander Wayne
Why wouldn't I trust you?
I mean, you're only the mistress of my enemy.
How's his show going by the way? Did he fix the landing?

Natasha Sherryoff
Mr. Wayne. 
I'm going to tell you the truth.

Alexander Wayne
Now that is a slippery notion in our line of work.
Isn't it, Ms. Sherryoff?


Natasha Sherryoff
I am here because he sent me here.
He wants me to come here and work for you and steal your secret.
Maybe poach some of your players.
But the truth is, there is no future on his Fantasy Team.
He's obsessed with his vision of putting on the greatest show.
But he lacks talent. Real talent.
He sent me here to steal your secrets, but I've come here to offer you his.


Alexander Wayne
This is the truth, is it?

Natasha Sherryoff
...no.


Natasha Sherryoff
The truth is... 
I was sent by another man.
An associate of mine.

Alexander Wayne
Really now?

Natasha Sherryoff
I was working under the guise of Kevan's assistant.
But in actuality, my loyalty lies with another.

Alexander Wayne
A double agent. It suits you quite well.


Alexander Wayne
So who is this other associate?

Natasha Sherryoff
He's only the greatest magician in the world.
Jim Moriarty.

Alexander Wayne
Jim Moriarty?
If he's so great, then tell me, Miss Sherryoff,
why haven't I heard of him before?


Natasha Sherryoff
Because he keeps his secrets close to his chest.
You only haven't heard of him,
because he doesn't want you to know of him... until now.

Alexander Wayne
And what's so great about his secrets?

Natasha Sherryoff
Well, for starters, he can perform real magic.
No stunts, no illusions, no tricks.
What he does is real.


Alexander Wayne
Ha! I've heard that one before...

Natasha Sherryoff
Yes, but have you seen it?
I'm not talking about your sleight of hand parlor tricks.
I'm talking about something real. Something genuine.

Alexander Wayne
Such as?


Natasha Sherryoff
Time travel.

Alexander Wayne
Alright, now you've lost your rocker.
Time travel isn't possible.



Jim Moriaty
I assure you, Mr. Wayne.
You have no idea what's possible.

Alexander Wayne
...Jim Moriaty?

Jim Moriaty
Precisely!


Alexander Wayne
Do I know you?
You look awfully familiar.

Jim Moriaty
...I'm sure our paths have crossed before.

Alexander Wayne
What do you want?


Jim Moriaty
What? Has Ms. Sherryoff not told you already?
I'm here to elevate your team.
Make sure you make it to the playoffs... and perhaps, maybe more.

Alexander Wayne
I can do that on my own.

Jim Moriaty
Yes, but can you put a performance better than the Great Kevan?


Alexander Wayne
My team is already better than Kevan's.

Jim Moriaty
Yes. You have more talent.
A better roster. A better record.
He's in 6th place, you're in 4th.
But you lack showmanship.
I can take you to the next level.
Why battle for mediocrity, when I can take you further?
How would you like to win a League Championship?


Alexander Wayne
You can help me win a Championship?

Jim Moriaty
But of course.
With the help of technology that you don't even realize exists.
Mr. Wayne, I see so much potential in you.
You're a brilliant man.
World's Greatest Detective... a silent guardian.
A watchful protector.
I've seen you do it all...
From starting a war on terror to slaying Gods...
you've done some truly, truly amazing things.


Alexander Wayne
What are you talking about?

Jim Moriaty
You don't see it yet...
Don't worry, we'll get you there.
For now, I just want you to focus on this world.
Focus on this season.
Then, we'll talk about your future.

Alexander Wayne
And why help me?
I've never done anything for you.


Jim Moriaty
No, but you will.
Mr. Wayne, I offer my services because I know what you will do for me.

Alexander Wayne
And what will I do for you?

Jim Moriaty
You know what you'll do for me...
You'll help me conquer.