Previously on the West Coast Cousins
Earth-220
(The Romance of the West Coast Cousins)
Narrator
The dust has settled upon the regular season. Finishing the regular season with a triumphant ten victories and four defeats, Lord Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan has seized the second seed in the playoffs.
And as a result, he has earned safe passage through
the bloody opening conflict of the first round in the playoffs.
The war for the Three Kingdoms has now officially begun.
As Lord Rockson returns to his grand hall, a feast erupts among the warlords of his Fantasy Corps.
For the second consecutive year, Rockson marches into the postseason favored to unite the lands
and claim the supreme crown of League Champion!
Narrator
Yet, as the days unfold, the triumphant feast quickly fades to grim silence.
As the results of the first round of the playoffs begin to come in,
the stark and bitter reality of war presses heavy upon the camp.
Dalton Schultz
My Liege... I deeply regret to bring such dire tidings. Luke’s Lunch Money has fallen in battle!
With each passing day, the ambition of Chris 'Cao Cao' Law expands week by week.
His Fantasy Team marches relentlessly south,
spear-headed by his terrifying vanguard general, Christian McCaffrey!
Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan
Who cares about Cao Cao!
With each day, he marches towards his own demise!
As for General McCaffrey... I know his strength all too well.
The traitor once served under my banner just two seasons ago before abandoning our cause.
Yet his body is fragile, he will succumb to his wounds long before he breaches our borders.
We shall crush Chris's forces upon the field of battle and claim our rightful place in the Championship Conflict! And then... the Yan Dynasty shall rise once more!
Narrator
But as we draw closer to the Semi-Finals, Chris 'Cao Cao' Law becomes more and more merciless.
Return of the Mac continues his march south with ambitions to win the Three Kingdoms.
Narrator
Alongside General McCaffrey, the third-year
Fantasy Manager continues to forge a ruthless name for himself.
With fierce warriors like Puka Nacua and Javonte Williams leading his army,
Chris cuts through opposition winning victory after glorious victory until his relentless march brings him face-to-face with Lord Rockson in the south!
Narrator
On the eve of their clash, as Lord Rockson’s forces prepare for the Semi-Finals,
a mysterious wooden horse washes ashore upon the beach...
Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan
What is meaning of this?
Justinmonger
A token of peace.
We don't have to shed blood in the name of Fantasy Football.
Let us end this war without slaughter. What say you, Liu Bei?
Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan
A gift? From Cao Cao?!
The coward must truly understand that I will not falter.
And the Three Kingdoms belong to me!
Let the history show, it was Cao Cao who wavered on this day.
Bring forth the horse!
Rockson's Fantasy Team hauls in the Trojan Horse back to their kingdom.
However, as dawn breaks, Chris 'Cao Cao' Law and his entire army
stand before Rockson's front gates.
Narrator
Though the winds of fate favored Rockson heading into battle,
the Projections begin to shift as Return of the Mac proves to be a terrifying force.
And in preparation for the big week, Davante Adams has injured his hamstring,
forcing him to leave the battlefield in Week 16.
Narrator
Puka Nacua is a beast, scoring multiple touchdowns for a total of 34.50 points.
Narrator
The points are enough to outscore all 3 of Rockson's starting WRs
as DK Metcalf, Zay Flowers and Jauan Jennings combine for 31.50.
Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan
Our lines are wavering. We need reinforcements at once!
Quickly, dispatch General Brandon Aiyuk to battle!
Dalton Schultz
Sir, I regret to inform you...
No one has seen nor heard from BA in weeks.
He was bound by oath and contractual obligations to rehabilitate his wounds
alongside our encampment, but he never showed!
The rumors suggest that he was last seen making strange outbursts in nearby towns,
wearing Cao Cao's sigil on his head and calling our team weirdos.
Some say he was even seen riding his horse at incredible speeds outside of our campgrounds!
Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan
That son of a bitch...
I drafted him for $2 and he didn't even play one snap for me!
Can we at least take away the guarantees from that vile treacherous snake?
Dalton Schultz
Yes, I think so.
But we have other matters to attend to at the moment...
Narrator
With the lack of reinforcements, Chris 'Cao Cao' Law dismantles the Yan army.
Return of the Mac 126.80 - 112.06 in Week 16 and advances to the Championship Match.
Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan
Cao Cao!
Only a sniveling coward would offer a token of peace,
only to ambush us at the dawn when our guard was lowered.
Of all your treachery, this is by far the most desperate act of your reign!
All of this... just so you can claim the League Championship?
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
Make no mistake, Liu Bei, I will do anything to be a League Champion.
And I will do what I must to become ruler of the Three Kingdoms in the West Coast Cousins.
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
But what you speak... I offered no such peace, Liu Bei.
Rockson 'Liu Bei' Yan
Then... who sent the horse?!
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
What horse?
Narrator
Inside the Trojan Horse,
we find Kang the Conqueror and his army of Viet Kang.
Narrator
Justinmonger races forward to breach the Trojan Horse,
unleashing the full force of the Viet Kang!
The scheme is revealed, placing Justinmonger into a direct,
head-to-head clash again Chris 'Cao Cao' Law for the 2025 League Championship!
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
It's a trap! Guards!
Form your rank and slay Justinmonger where he stands!
Narrator
Josh Allen leads the way and scores 23.18 in Week 17.
But Loud Play Justin returns fires with 20.40.
Narrator
Chris Olave goes off for 17.90, scoring a touchdown and leading all receivers for Justin.
But Chris 'Cao Cao' Law responds with 16.10 from Stefon Diggs.
Narrator
It is a back and forth affair, but ultimately Christian McCaffrey is the difference maker,
the 49ers running back scores 24.10, knocking Justinmonger to the ground.
Defeating him 131.68 - 114.90.
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
Charlatan!
Kneel before your new League Champion!
Kneel before the absolute ruler of the West Coast Cousins!
Kang the Conqueror
I kneel to no one...
The camera pans as Kang the Conqueror steps slowly from within the Trojan Horse.
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
Who in the hell are you?!
Kang the Conqueror
Me...? Oh, I've been dubbed many names by many people.
A ruler. A conqueror.
Rama-Tut. Moriarty. Immortus. Nathaniel...
But in the end, it doesn't matter who I am.
The only thing that matters is what I'll do.
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
Guards! Seize him!
Kang the Conqueror
Save yourself the effort, Chris.
For thousands of years, they've all tried to restrain me.
Long ago... and still, long ahead.
They will always fail. They always have.
What you seek... has already been written.
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law
You underestimate my power!
I am the reigning League Champion of the West Coast Cousins!
Kang the Conqueror
Yes, the defending League Champion of the West Coast Cousins.
Congratulations.
Isn't that the same title that once belonged to Tai Rollins...?
And... let me make sure I get this right... The Scorpion King, I remember him too.
And then of course, we can't forget about Martha Man-4479.
They all won the title. They all sought glory.
Kang the Conqueror
And yet... none of it mattered.
I have shattered countless Champions in my time.
I have erased entire worlds, entire timelines from existence!
And you? You merely brought an end to the Yan Dynasty.
You have united the Three Kingdoms, well done.
You stand upon the apex of your world...
But that's just it...
It's your world. And your world is about to become irrelevant.
Today, a new era dawns upon the West Coast Cousins.
A grand empire... The Kang Dynasty!
An army of Flying Monkey's swoop down from the sky,
surrounding Cao Cao's Fantasy Team entirely.
Puka Nacau
What in the hell are those things...?!
Kang the Conqueror
You like it? It's my own personal army of Multiversal soldiers.
I call them... the Viet Kang.
And for far too long, we have endured.
We are tired of being cast aside... tired of watching this world crumble.
Tired of watching the entire multiverse crumble.
Kang the Conqueror
But starting today... we will right those wrongs.
We will siege this world and extract those who will serve me...
This is the multiverse under one rule, one vision
MY vision!
And as for you, Christopher, you are nothing but an insect in my world.
The Viet Kang ambush Chris's Fantasy Team.
Narrator
After grueling hours of bloodshed, the dust of battle finally settles.
Chris 'Cao Cao' Law has fallen, struck down at the hands of Kang.
Narrator
The Conqueror stands alone upon a ruined battlefield
as Earth-220 falls to the overwhelming might of the Viet Kang.
Justinmonger
Yo, Kang.. check this out.
Looks like a boat of refugees fleeing to the coast.
Justinmonger
There might be some Luu's aboard.
You want me to sink them?
Kang the Conqueror
No, let them go.
Justinmonger
You sure?
Kang the Conqueror
They have nowhere left to go.
We have extracted all that we require from this broken world.
They can flee, but they cannot escape.
Narrator
High above the fractured clouds, orbiting just beyond the atmosphere,
looms a shadowy cosmic fortress.. The Death Star.
Powered by the raw elemental Iso-8 crystals,
this ultimate weapon harbors the terrible power to obliterate entire universes with a single strike.
Kang the Conqueror steps onto the bridge of his battle cruiser.
Kang the Conqueror
Justin... gather the Viet Kang and set our course for home.
Our work in this timeline is finished.
Justinmonger
Yes, my Conqueror.
Kang the Conqueror
Execute... Order 66.
Earth-220 is destroyed.
WEST COAST COUSINS:
THE KANG DYNASTY
