West Coast Kang: Episode 15 - FantasyMania XVII Round 1

 

Earth-51156

Narrator

In Earth-51156, we open on Clarendon Alternative Elementary School.

As parents are picking up their children from school,

they notice something strange hovering in the air.

Nathan Summers

What the hell is that...?

Narrator

We see a man flying in a blue suit, we know him as Kang the Conqueror.

Kang the Conqueror

Are you the protectors of this world?

Shalla-Bal, a school teacher

at Clarendon Alternative, marvels at the flying alien.

Kang the Conqueror

Your universe is now marked for death.

Hold your loved ones close and speak the words you've been afraid to speak.

Use this time to rejoice and celebrate, for your time is short.

WEST COAST KANG:

THE RISE OF THE CONQUEROR

Episode Fifteen - FantasyMania XVII Round 1

Michael Cole

WELCOME TO FANTASYMANIA XVII!

We are LIVE from the KANGDOM ARENA here in Saudi Arabia

for what will surely be the biggest event in West Coast Kang history!

Michael Cole

Michael Cole, alongside Pat McAfee and Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler,

We welcome you to Riyadh Season!

And guys, before we get into the playoff action,

I just want to say it has been a wild ride these past couple of weeks.

With a Mystery Man on the loose and Fantasy Managers getting attacked,

there is no telling what might happen in the final weeks of the season.

Pat McAfee

You can say that again, Cole!

We still don't know the identity of attacker,

but I think the big question on everyone's mind is what happens with Justin Styles?

Last week on Preview, Justin Styles was inexplicably assaulted and sent to the hospital.

We've heard very little news on his condition, but we do know he has been eliminated.

What does this mean for the playoffs?

Justin Styles was set to make his first playoff appearance since 2017,

and now we have no idea what to expect.

Michael Cole

Well, hopefully we learn more in the next few hours,

but now let's get a look at our FantasyMania XVII participants.

Here are the Top 6 Fantasy Managers of the West Coast Cousins!

Who will be the winner of the 2025 Kang Games?

We will find out in 3 weeks time!

[1] RIP Skattebo (11-3)

[2] Rock Reigns (10-4)

[3] Return of the Mac (9-5)

[4] Loud Play Justin (9-5)

[5] John Seana (9-5)

[6] Luke's Lunch Money (7-7)

Pat McAfee

That's an impressive group of Fantasy Managers, Cole.

And with Vincent Rhodes and Rockson Reigns waiting in the wings,

these first round matchups are gonna kick things off right here in Saudi!

Michael Cole

Pat, I'd be remised if we didn't mention the Circle of Champions.

If there is any year for a new League Champion, this is the year.

Out of the 6 remaining competitors, only 2 are former League Champions.

And based off math alone, there is a 66.67% chance that the Circle of Champions will be broken.

But knowing the history of this League,

the competitive spirit and prowess of the former League Champions,

we could very well have a repeat Champion for the 7th year in a row.

Pat McAfee

I don't doubt it for a second.

Those former League Champions that you mentioned,

Luke's Lunch Money and Rock Reigns,

they're gonna fight like hell to keep the Circle of Champions intact.

And with Vegas Odds listing Rockson Reigns as the favorite to win it all,

we may very well be looking at a new Omega Level Threat here in the West Coast Cousins.

*John Seana's Music Hits*

*Crowd Cheers*

Michael Cole

AND THERE IS.... THE REAL JOHN SEANA!

The Leader of the SeaNation is BACK!

John Seana making his first playoff appearance since 2023.

Pat McAfee

Boy, am I glad to see this, Cole.

This Sunday, John Seana will be making his 9th FantasyMania appearance

here in the West Coast Cousins and honestly, it's great to have him back.

John Seana

It's time to go to work, let's get it, Stu.

Michael Cole

For those in need of a recap, back in Week 8,

we saw John Seana sell his soul to The Baugh.

And in doing so, turning his back on all of his fans.

For weeks, his attitude was adjusted, he was a jerk,

calling himself the REAL 2020 League Champion.

But now as we enter FantasyMania, John Seana appears to have turned a corner,

leaving the arrogance behind when he saved CM PUP from the mystery attack last week.

It's a sight for sore eyes, John Seana is back!

John Seana

Saudi Arabia.... my goodness!

WE ARE LIVE FOR THE OPENING ROUND OF FANTASYMANIA!

*Crowd Cheers*

John Seana

Oh yeah... I can feel the energy in the air,

it doesn't get any better than this, does it?

We are in the first round of the playoffs which could only mean one thing...

we're gonna crown a new League Champion in 3 weeks.

When it comes to Championship, you know my story.

You know my M.O.

But what we don't know... is who my opponent will be.

You see, last week on Preview a Mystery Man attacked Justin Styles.

John Seana

I, for one, was looking forward to facing a formidable opponent in Justin Styles.

We all know he deserved it.

He worked his ass off to get back to this stage.

And we all want to know... who is the man who attacked Justin Styles?

Well, I think I know the answer.

Pat McAfee

He does? Who is it, Cole?

John Seana

The Mystery Man behind these attacks... is you, Kang.

John Seana points at Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler.

*Crowd Boos*

Pat McAfee

What? What's he talking about?

Are you behind these attacks, Jerry?

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

Absolutely not.

This man has lost the plot.

John Seana

Oh, no. You heard that right.

I think it's you, Kang.

If you aren't the man behind the mask, at the very least, you orchestrated it!

Justin Styles was set to make his first FantasyMania appearance in 8 years

and you took that away from him!

In one fell swoop, you took away his dream of playing on the grandest stage of them all.

And for what? I think these people deserve an answer, Kang!

What are you afraid of, huh?

John Seana

I know what you're afraid of.

You're afraid of the No Kangs Movement.

A revolution started by Tai Rollins, Kevin Owens and Justin Styles.

They were gonna take you down, but just before they could build enough momentum,

you took it upon yourself to take them out first.

It's clear as day. You're the one behind these attacks!

So now, Kang, I'm calling you out!

If Justin Styles isn't going to be my opponent, then it should be you!

Let's show your Council how strong you are!

Let's give these people what they want!

*Crowd Cheers*

Pat McAfee

That is quite the call out, boys!

I don't think anyone has ever challenged Kang before!

Vincent 'Kang' McMahon appears on the Titantron.

Vincent 'Kang' McMahon

John.... John.

Please, I liked you better when you were under The Baugh's thumb.

Council of Kangs

CON-QUE-ROR! CON-QUE-ROR! CON-QUE-ROR!

Vincent 'Kang' McMahon

You see... what you fail to understand is, this isn't about me.

This is about all of you.

It's about the opportunity to join the Final Universe.

But it seems you all have failed to read the fine print.

I'm offering an opportunity to be apart of the Final Universe,

but that opportunity doesn't come without a price.

Vincent 'Kang' McMahon

You see, John.

The winner of the Kang Games will indeed move onto live in my perfect universe.

But the losers... those who fail to win the Kang Games, they will be eliminated.

And not just from the Kang Games, but from all universes.

If you lose in this tournament, your life, your entire existence... it ends. Immediately.

Pat McAfee

WHAT?! What's he talking about?!

Michael Cole

This is news to me, guys.

Since when did the Kang Games become a matter of life and death?

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

It's in the fine print.

Black and white, clear as crystal.

It's not our fault that these Fantasy Managers didn't read.

John Seana

Heh. You know, it doesn't really surprise me.

You're a snake oil salesmen.

You offer these people hope, sell them wolf tickets,

and then pull the wool over their eyes.

You might have conned all of these people, all of your Council of Kangs...

But I know the truth. I can see through you.

You offer the gauntlet of the Kang Games with the dreams of winning it all...

but you're not man enough to step in the ring yourself.

There is no paradise. There is no Final Universe.

You're full of shit, Kang!

Vincent 'Kang' McMahon

You're right, John.

There is no Final Universe.... not yet.

But I assure you, when all my work is complete, the Final Universe will be a reality.

And now only will the winner of the Kang Games become the League Champion,

but they will be immortalized across the multiverse.

And since you're so eager to step in the ring...

seeing as how Justin Styles is no longer fit to participate.. I have something else in mind.

A new opponent.

THE RING GENERAL....

JUSTHER!

The lights turn off as Dvorak's Symphony No. 9 plays.

*Justher's Music Hits*

Pat McAfee

OH MY GOODNESS....

THAT'S... THAT'S JUSTHER!

Renowned across the multiverse as a world class grappler,

Justher is a blackbelt in BJJ, winning Jiu Jitsu tournaments around the world!

John Seana's path to a League Championship just got more complicated.

Michael Cole

I'm just pulling up the stats now.

In place of Justin Styles, Justher will be making his 2nd FantasyMania appearance.

I'm seeing now that Justher was previously defeated by a John Seana variant in 2017,

but I've got to say... this looks like a whole new Fantasy Manager.

This version of Justher is more dangerous than he's ever been.

I don't like John Seana's chances, if I'm being frank.

And if this matchup is now a matter of life and death...

we could very well be seeing the last days of John Seana!

Justher

So... you're the John Seana I've been hearing all about? Huh?

They say you're a legend, The Great John Seana.

Without you, none of this would be possible.

This entire world you've built, it's impressive.

But at the end of the day, it's a complete waste of time.

Justher

And what do you do it for? Huh? To entertain these fans?

Well, I'll tell you one thing, I'm not here to entertain.

I'm here to win.

I'm here to dominate this game.

And you know... now that I've seen you up close and in person, it just dawned on me.

Justher

What exactly makes you so legendary?

Because as far as I can tell, you're just an ordinary Fantasy Manager.

As a matter of fact, you're a dinosaur.

A relic who has worn out his welcome a long time ago.

You've been in this league now for what... 17 years?

And how many Championships have you won?

Hell, we can put our accolades side by side and it's damn near identical.

But the difference is, John.

I'm just getting started in this game, while you have dedicated your entire life to this!

Council of Kangs

OHHHH....

Justher

Take a look at the clock, John.

Take a good look, because your time is running out.

4 days, 12 hours, 52 minutes and 31 seconds.

That's how much time you have left in this game.

Because your time is up and my time is now.

This Sunday, in your final match here in the West Coast Kang,

I'm going to make you quit, John!

I'm going to make you give up on your dreams of becoming a League Champion!

And then, I will put an end to your miserable little life.

John Seana

Heh. Maybe you're right, Justher.

Maybe I am washed up. Maybe I've worn out my welcome...

Maybe I'm past my prime.

But if there's one thing I'm never going to do...

I'm never going to give up!

So if you want some... COME GET SOME!

JOHN SEANA VS. JUSTHER FOR THE CHANCE TO ADVANCE!

I'll see you this Sunday at FantasyMania, kid.

John Seana's music plays as he walks back up the ramp.

Michael Cole

An exchange of verbal jabs between these two Fantasy Managers,

but it all goes down this Sunday at FantasyMania.

John Seana vs. Justher with the winner advancing to the Semi-Finals of the Kang Games.

Will this be John Seana's swan song?

Is this one of the last times that we will ever hear John Seana's music?

Or can he finally make it to the mountain top?

We're gonna find out in the next few weeks.

*Commercial*

Scott Summers

Paycom.

The career move is only one click away.

*Commercial*

*CFL's Music Hits*

Michael Cole

Welcome back to Preview, ladies and gentlemen.

And as we get ready to kick things off in the second hour of our broadcast,

we are joined by the 3rd seed here in the 2025 Kang Games,

Return of the Mac aka CFL!

Pat McAfee

It has been a long road back to FantasyMania for CFL.

Despite making it to the Semi-Finals in 2023,

CFL found himself in the bottom of the League in 2024 when he finished 1-13.

It has been a dramatic turnaround for CFL as he makes his 2nd FantasyMania appearance,

doubling down on his bet to draft CMC for the second year in a row.

Michael Cole

That bet has certainly panned out, Pat.

Throughout the regular season, CFL was flirting with the top spot in the League,

and now he finds himself as the 3rd seed facing his biggest challenge yet.

The Omega Level Threat, Luke's Lunch Money.

Let's see what CFL has to say.

CFL

You know something... Saudi?

It feels good to sellout for blood money, doesn't it?

I mean, it's Riyadh Season, isn't it? Am I saying that right?

Riyadh Season?

Which is just another way for Saudi to pay a premium to export American entertainment.

*Crowd Boos*

CFL

Hey, don't boo me. You know it's true.

Your country that has a horrible track record when it comes to Human Rights.

You should be booing yourselves!

*Crowd Boos Louder*

CFL

But forget all that, you the cut the check, so I'll gladly cash 'em in.

CFL is more than happy to sell his soul for the dough.

You know what I mean?

But, let's talk about this controversy with the Kang Games.

We learned at the top of the broadcast that this game just got real.

The Kang Games is life and death.

And for most managers, it's understandable why this realization would leave them shook.

But I'm not most managers.

CFL

I'm Chris Fuckin' Law.

I am the Devil Himself.

With the stakes at an all time high, I'm only going to thrive, baby!

And as far as these other schmucks, if they're not prepared to fight for their lives, oh well.

I have the best running back in the game today, Christian McCaffrey.

The best wide receiver in the game today, Puka Nacua.

I have the best quarterback in the game today, Josh Allen.

I'm a shoo-in to win it all.

I don't care what Vegas has to say.

I've been doubted my entire career,

both in the world of Fantasy Sports and on the football field!

CFL

But one by one, I keep proving them wrong!

Hell, last week, they said I couldn't beat The Baugh without CMC.

Half of my team on a bye week and I still kicked his ass!

I made the Final Boss my Final Bitch!

And it's gonna be no different this Sunday,

when I'm the bully that takes Luke's Lunch Money!

*Crowd Boos*

Josh Allen

Yo... yo... yo. Saudi.

*Crowd Boos*

Josh Allen

I need y'all to cool it with the boos, alright?

Because the fact is, when we win this entire thing,

when we are crowned the 2025 League Champions,

everyone in Saudi will be praising the new Crown Prince of the West Coast Cousins,

CHRIS... FUCKING... LAW!

*The Joycement Day's Music Hits*

Michael Cole

I think we have a team that begs to differ...

THE JOYCEMENT DAY!

*Crowd Cheers*

Michael Cole

Led by Rhea Joycely, the Joycement Day will making their 9th FantasyMania appearance.

Having won 3 League Championships already, her resume is as strong as it gets.

Considered one of the greatest Fantasy Managers in the League,

Rhea Joycely broke barriers, winning the League Championship in her rookie season in 2012.

And since that time, she's only become more dominant.

Rhea Joycely

Chris... Chris, stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

I understand, for someone who isn't used to winning,

it can feel cathartic when you make it to the dance.

But it's a whole different ball game when you step in the ring with the Joycement Day.

CFL

Hey, since when did they let women use a microphone in Saudi?!

Rhea Joycely

Shut your mouth, Chris.

I wasn't done talking.

Rhea Joycely

As a matter of fact, CFL.

I think all of these Kangs are tired of you running your mouth.

You know it and I know it.

I'm the most dangerous 6th seed that the West Coast Cousins has ever seen.

While you've been riding high in the Top 3 all season long,

I've been scrapping my way, fighting to get to this moment.

It took me until the final week of the regular season to get here.

But we know for a fact, nobody in the Top 6 wanted to see me in the playoffs.

I'm a matchup nightmare for anyone left in the Games.

Don't let the record fool you, I'm the most dangerous Fantasy Manager left.

Rhea Joycely

And unfortunately for you, Chris.

You're not paired up against the Joycement Day.

It's music to my ears.

I have a match against the annoying, entitled little prick, Chris 'Freefalling' Law.

Baker Mayfield

That's right, Rhea.

CFL, you peaked too early, my friend.

The playoffs are where the big boys play, and I'm afraid you're not cut from that cloth.

You're delusional, my friend.

Josh Allen

Whoa... whoa... whoa.

The playoffs are where the big boys play?

I guess that's right, Baker.

Seeing as you're not even the starting quarterback on your own team anymore!

The Joycement Day surround the ring.

CFL

You think that's supposed to scare me?

An imploding A.J. Brown, a washed up Keenan Allen,

Rico Dowdle, who had his moment in the sun, but it's back to the bench you go!

And I don't even know who Pat Bryant is...

Keenan Allen

Hey... say what you want, Chris.

Maybe you don't know who Pat Bryant is.

But I know for a fact, you know who this is...

announcing for the first time, officially, the newest member of the Joycement Day....

*Sandy Orton's Music Hits*

Michael Cole

OH MY....!

Business has just picked up here on Wednesday Night Preview!

It's THE VIPER! SANDY ORTON!

Just as Orton steps into the ring, CFL and his team roll out of it.

*Crowd Boos*

Pat McAfee

I don't think CFL and Josh Allen want anything to do with The Viper tonight,

CFL is high tailing it out of the ring.

CFL

Not tonight....

*Crowd Boos*

CFL

You people are just gonna have to wait until Sunday to see me in action.

You don't get the privilege, no advanced scouting for you, Joycely.

But don't worry this Sunday, I'll show you exactly why I am the future of this business!

BECAUSE I'M BETTER THAN YOU....

AND YOU KNOW IT!

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

Earth-1

Narrator

In Earth-1, we return to Lumon Industries.

As Nathaniel Richards continues to fail in his quest to save Ravonna,

he decides to take a different approach.

Nathaniel Richards

OB...

Ouroboros falls to the ground in shock.

Ouroboros

My God... Nathaniel.

What are you doing here?

Nathaniel Richards

I'm tired...

Ouroboros

Tired..? Tired of what?

Nathaniel Richards

I'm tired of running.

Tired of failing.... I don't know what else to do.

So, I thought maybe it's time I visited my old friend, OB.

You've always known what's best...

Ouroboros

Nathaniel, if Lumon finds out that you're here...

we could be in serious trouble.

Nathaniel Richards

I don't care about Lumon.

Ouroboros

Where have you been?

Everything that they say about you on the news...

Is it true?

Nathaniel Richards

What have they been saying about me?

Ouroboros

Well... they say you're a murderer.

Nathaniel, I don't know what happened to you.

But the last time I saw you, we were on the brink of discovery...

then you went nuts and started threatening to kill everybody!

Nathaniel Richards

Threatening to kill everybody... what are you talking about?

Ouroboros

They say you went into Cobel's office and threatened to kill her and Mr. Milchick.

They had to escort you off the premises...

Nathaniel Richards

Is that what they told you...?
OB... no. That's not what happened.

They fired me!

They fired me for allegations that weren't even true!

Ouroboros

Well... then what about Ravonna?

Did you kill her...? Because the evidence they have on you is pretty damning.

Nathaniel Richards

OB.... you don't understand.

I tried to save her...

The things I've done... the things I've seen...

I've tried over and over to try and make everything right.

I've relived that moment over and over again.

Nothing works.

I tried going to other points in time, other timelines, but I keep failing.

Ouroboros

Other timelines...?

Nathaniel, I don't know if you know this...

but you have no idea what type of discoveries we've made here at Lumon.

Ouroboros

Since the last time we talked, our knowledge of the multiverse has increased by leaps and bounds.

You wouldn't believe it, Nathaniel.

Nathaniel Richards

What have you learned?

Ouroboros

It's all here.

Ouroboros hands Nathaniel the official handbook of the TVA.

Ouroboros

We haven't released any of this information to the public,

but this is the official handbook of the TVA.

Discoveries made by Lumon Industries.

Nathaniel flips through the book, reading excerpts from the handbook.

Nathaniel Richards

What the hell is this?

Ouroboros

What do you mean?

Nathaniel Richards

This is all my work....

Ouroboros

What? This is everything we've-

Nathaniel Richards

This is my writing! I wrote all of this!

Pocket universes, inflation fields, quantum decoherence, string theory,

M-Theory, many-worlds theory, temporal looms... all of this was discovered by me!

Everything that's in this book was written by me!

Ouroboros

How could you possibly have written all of this?

Nathaniel Richards

OB... listen to me.

You can't comprehend what I've been through.

I have been at this for a very long time.

I've been to other worlds, across the entire timeline... I have seen it all.

And in my time, I wrote everything down.

All of my discoveries, theories, everything.

Everything in this book is my life's work.

Ouroboros

Then... how does Lumon have it?

Nathaniel Richards

Because they stole it, OB!

I don't know how or when, but they found my notes and rewrote them as their own!

Lumon is trying to rewrite history and take me out of it!

They have stolen my life's work and repackaged it as their own.

Ouroboros

Oh my...

Nathaniel Richards

OB. Who is credited for writing the TVA Handbook?

Ouroboros

Well... Lumon as a whole is credited for publishing it.

But everyone here knows the inventor of multiverse theory is....

Ouroboros

Evelyn Kier.