Vinpool
Alright, here's the plan.
We go 2 on 1 with the Great One and lay the smackdown on
little Baui's candy ass over there.
And then, once he's gone, the path to the playoffs will be clear.
I'll take the last playoff spot and then-
Kevan
Wait a minute.
Who the hell said that you would be getting the final playoff spot?
Vinpool
Isn't that what we agreed to?
It's called Vinpool and Wolverine, not Wolverine and Vinpool.
Kevan
We agreed to no such thing.
I want that spot just as much as you do, if not more.
Vinpool
Well, I don't know if you heard, but I have to finish my story.
I came so close last season and this is my redemption arc.
So back off, Kevan.
Kevan swipes at Vinpool
Vinpool
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
What are you doing?! We're supposed to be a team!
Remember when we sang A Million Dreams?
Kevan
I don't give a shit about that!
I just want in.
Kevan continues to go at Vinpool, but it's not very effective.
Ladd McConkey goes for 0 points.
Meanwhile, Vinpool scores 23.02 from Goff and 18.10 from Bijan Robinson.
But his Buffalo Team Defense has -4 points.
Narrator
As Kevan and Vinpool continue to duke it out,
they begin to tire one another out as their infinite health and healing factors
result in a non-sensical stalemate.
They both end up losing their Week 14 matchups.
Natasha Sherryoff
Well... that was easy.
I didn't even need to do anything.
Joyce, the targets have been neutralized.
Those two idiots took each other out of the race.
We can proceed with the elimination of Earth-1887.
Earth-1887
Narrator
As Week 14 comes to an end, the Theater Royal has been set ablaze.
Kevan's Final Show never takes place.
The Great Kevan
Parker! Is everyone out?
Is everyone safe?!
Christopher Parker
I think so.....
Wait.. where's MJ? MJ!
Christopher Parker runs back into the burning building.
The Great Kevan
Parker! No!
Narrator
And just as Parker runs in, MJ emerges from the crowd.
MJ
Chris! No... no... no.
Narrator
The Great Kevan runs back into the building
saving Christopher Parker.
Narrator
As the chaos ensues, we see Natasha Sherryoff fleeing the scene
on a horse and carriage.
Coachman
Where to, ma'am?
Natasha Sherryoff
To the playoffs, please.
WEST COAST COUSINS
NO WAY HOLMES
Episode Fifteen - FantasyMania XVI Round 1
The following program is a collection of stooges talking about happenings
in the West Coast Cousins.
It is meant to be comedic informative.
There may be some "cuss" words because that's how human in the real world talk.
If you are a young, please seek permission before reading any further.
Cheers,
The Pat McAfee Show
p.s. Don't sue us
Pat McAfee
Hello beautiful people!
And welcome to our humble abode, The Thunder Dome!
It is Round One of the WCC Playoffs!
FantasyMania is finally here!
Pat McAfee
And what a season it has been in the West Coast Cousins, so far.
We are in playoff mode, boys!
This is what it's all about and this is for all the marbles!
How do you guys feel about the season so far?
Boston Connor
It's been great. But I heard an interesting rumor about you, Pat.
Pat McAfee
Yeah? And what's that?
Boston Connor
Boston Connor
I saw a report on X that you're gonna have a significant role in next year's storyline.
Pat McAfee
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Where did you hear that? Who reported it?
Adam Schefter?
Boston Connor
I don't know, the account had a blue check mark, so it must be true.
Pat McAfee
I can't confirm what you're talking about.
I'd love to be apart of next season, but I don't know anything about that.
And we're getting off topic about the upcoming season.
We're still in 2024 and we still have a playoff tournament to go through.
Let's take a look at our competitors in this year's FantasyMania!
[1] Rock Reigns (12-2)
[2] UC Davis Aggies (11-3)
[3] Alex's Awesome Team (8-6)
[4] vincent1469 (8-6)
[5] Dollar Discount Team (8-6)
[6] Luke's Lunch Money (8-6)
Boston Connor
That's a lot of good Fantasy Managers.
It's gonna be fun.
Pat McAfee
Absolutely. These are the best this League's got to offer this season.
And as we know, anything can happen in the opening rounds of FantasyMania.
But the question I have, is the next League Champion even playing this weekend?
Because I gotta say, Thor Rocksinson and Kendrick Stark.
They've looked far and away better than the rest.
And they're sitting there waiting for the winners of this weekend's matchup.
AJ, what do you got for me?
AJ Hawk
Well, there's no doubt about it.
With the season that Thor Rocksinson has had, Kendrick Stark, the greatest of all time.
It's gonna be tough for anyone to beat these guys in the playoffs.
Stark vs. Rocksinson could very well be our FantasyMania main event.
BUT... with that being said.
I could make a very good argument that Alex's Awesome Team could win it all.
He's the #3 Ranked Fantasy Manager,
but he's second in the league in total points and he's the forgotten Manager in all of this.
People forget just how good he was to start the year.
Pat McAfee
So you think he's gonna beat the Scarlet Joyce this weekend?
AJ Hawk
Yeah, I think he will.
I just look at that roster and I see a more complete, more consistent team.
He's done it all season long, was an early season favorite.
Then ran into a bit of bad luck and unfavorable matchups.
Boston Connor
Respectfully, I'm going to have to disagree.
Say what you want about the inconsistences of Luke's Lunch Money,
but when push comes to shove, she is one of the most dangerous Managers in the league.
We saw it last week, scoring 154.70 points with her season on the line.
We're talking about a former League Champion.
Not to mention, that she is an Omega Level Threat!
When she turns it on and she goes on one of those playoff runs, she's tough to beat.
AJ Hawk
Yeah, but she's also had some early playoff exits.
I just don't see how she can keep up the level of play for 3 weeks in a row
with the roster that she has.
Pat McAfee
Connor you're taking Joyce and AJ is taking Alex?
I'm gonna have to go with AJ on this one.
Alex's Team is just more consistent, I think he wins this one.
Pat McAfee
Alright, here's an interesting stat for ya.
Earlier this season, Thor Rocksinson broke the record for best start in League History,
starting the year off 10-0.
But the previous record holders, Chuckanuts, 7-0 in 2009.
UC Davis Aggies, tying that record at 7-0 in 2017.
Then of course, John Seana, setting a new record at 8-0 in 2020.
None of those Fantasy Managers went on to win
the League Championship in those respective seasons.
They may have set the record, but they did not win it all.
So I want to know, can Thor Rocksinson be the first to not only start the season undefeated,
but can he also finish the season as the #1 Manager in the League?
Boston Connor
I think so.
One thing that has me worried is the drop off in production in the second half of the season.
He has looked more vulnerable in back half,
but I think there is just too many weapons on this team.
Saquon Barkely, Ja'Marr Chase, Alvin Kamara, George Kittle.
And even Aaron Jones can light up the scoreboard.
That's a recipe for success and
I think we're gonna have a new Omega Level Fantasy Manager by the end of the year.
Pat McAfee
You're calling it?
The 2024 League Champion will be Thor Rocksinson?
Boston Connor
You'd be a fool not to think so after the season he's had.
Pat McAfee
Alright, well let's get into the other first round matchup.
The King of Wakanda!
T'Vincent has reclaimed his homeland and will be making his FantasyMania debut.
But he has a large obstacle in the name of Dollar Discount standing in his way.
Former 3x League Champion, the OG Omega Level Threat.
Captain Covfefe, ladies and gentlemen.
Will T'Vincent be able to defeat Dollar Discount on Sunday?
AJ Hawk
Yeah, I'll give Dollar Discount credit.
It seems he's in the playoffs every single year.
Doesn't matter what kind of team he puts together,
I think he is the most consistent Fantasy Manager year to year.
But it's been a long time since he's done anything of real significance in this league.
And looking at his team, I just don't see a Championship roster.
A lot of really good players, don't get me wrong.
But nothing that absolutely wows me.
But nothing that absolutely wows me.
Not to mention, the health of Breece Hall, it's going to be a huge factor in this matchup on Sunday.
Pat McAfee
Meanwhile, T'Vincent will have the return of Lamor Jackson, coming off the bye week.
I would never want to count out Tai Rogers.
But man, I think the young Fantasy Manager gets the job done on Sunday.
T'Vincent advances, that's my pick.
But we're gonna have to wait and see...
The opening round of FantasyMania XVI.
It's about to go down, fellas.
Tune in this Sunday to see how it all plays out!
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
---------------------------------------------------
Minhneto's Objective:
Lead the F-Men
(Finish the Season with 8 Wins or More)
Result - FAILED
Result - FAILED
---------------------------------------------------
Minhneto
It seems I have failed you all.
Despite Charles' wishes for me to carry on with his dream,
perhaps I am not suited to lead the F-Men.
Sam 'Cyclops' Darnold
It's less about whether or not you can lead the team,
and more about whether or not we believe your intentions are pure, Minheto.
This isn't the team you drafted.
And I certainly wasn't drafted by you.
Minhneto
Darnold, I understand how you feel.
But despite our previous qualms, I assure you that my intentions
to fulfill Charles' final request are in the right place.
We may have fundamental differences on the future of mankind,
but I am doing my best to honor my friend.
Minhneto
All I ask is for a chance.
Sam 'Cyclops' Darnold
You've been given a chance.
And you failed.
Come on team, let's get ready for next season.
Narrator
As the F-Men exit the room, Rogue stays behind for a word.
Rogue
You have to understand, Minh.
For a long time, you were the F-Men's greatest nemesis.
This season being lost does not mean it's the end.
If you show the F-Men that you can be trusted,
maybe next year, we'll get the job done.
Don't give up. Not yet.
Minhneto
Or perhaps, Darnold is right.
Charles was naive to think that I could ever lead his Fantasy Team.
The White Rabbit
No... no, no.
The girl is right.
Don't give up.... not yet.
The White Rabbit
Remember.... remember who you ARE!
REMEMBER WHAT YOU ARE CAPABLE OF!
The White Rabbit
Remember.... GENOSHA!
The White Rabbit
Hahahaha.... soon all will be revealed.
The White Rabbit
A man will die....but not his ideas.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Earth-1887
Narrator
In the wake of missing the playoffs,
The Great Kevan sits alone in front of a burned down Theater Royal.
His dream of putting on the greatest show has been crushed.
Alfred Pennyworth
Kevan, I'm so sorry.
What will you do now?
---------------------------------------------------
Kevan's Objective:
Out Perform Alex Wayne's Show
(Finish the Season Ahead of Alex's Awesome Team)
Result - FAILED
---------------------------------------------------
The Great Kevan
What will I do...
This is all Wayne's doing.
It was him. Alexander Wayne burned down the theater.
I put everything into this Alfred.
So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I won't stop until I've had my revenge.
...I'm going to kill Alexander Wayne.
Alexander Wayne
What did you do, Natasha?
Natasha Sherryoff
Natasha Sherryoff
What do you mean?
Alexander Wayne
The Theater Royal was burned down.
And I had nothing to do with it.
But I suspect that you were involved, Natasha.
Natasha Sherryoff
And what makes you say that?
Alexander Wayne
Because I was at the show.
I wasn't going to interfere. I just wanted to watch his show.
I wanted to see if Kevan had anything left to give...
But before I got the opportunity, his entire theater was burned down.
McBride saw you fleeing the scene.
And last we talked, you said you wanted to bring him down.
Natasha Sherryoff
Don't pretend to be so noble, Mr. Wayne.
As I recall, you've sabotaged Kevan's show on more than one occasion.
Destroying his tricks, revealing his secrets, even upstaging his Transported Man.
You're not innocent in any of this.
Alexander Wayne
Yes, but I never burned down his show.
Burned down an entire theater.
There were innocent people in there.
Women and children.
Families for god's sake.
My rivalry with Kevan was between him and me.
But I never put anyone in danger who didn't deserve to be.
Jim Moriarty
IN THIS LINE OF WORK....
You have to be willing to get your hands dirty.
Isn't that right, Mr. Wayne?
Alexander Wayne
Moriarty. Let me guess, this was your decision.
This is beyond getting your hands dirty.
This is arson. Attempted murder, even.
Jim Moriarty
....and this... scares you.
Death. Loss of life. It's all apart of the process.
If you're worried... about a little old Fantasy Team... and a few innocent bystanders..
Well... then you're clearly not the man I'm looking for.
Jim Moriarty
Ms. Sherryoff, on the other hand.
She's willing to make the tough decisions.
I had my doubts, I'll admit.
But then Ms. Sherryoff scored the most points of any Fantasy Manager in Week 14.
She proved her worth.
She showed me what she is truly capable of.
And at her best, there is no better Fantasy Manager.
She see's the big picture. The master plan.
And.... I'm afraid it's all coming to an end, Mr. Wayne.
Alexander Wayne
You mean my season?
Jim Moriarty
Jim Moriarty
No.... not just your season.
But I mean... your entire world.
Natasha Sherryoff
Before the start of Week 14, Mr. Moriarty unveiled his secrets to me.
He plans to destroy Earth-1887.
This entire planet... this entire universe.
It's already gone.
And while I was initially taken aback, I understood the larger plan in place.
There are worlds other than this one.
Universes, you couldn't even imagine.
I didn't believe it myself..
But Jim Moriarty took me to these other worlds.
He showed me the truth.
And as frightening as it is, the truth is, there is no place for Earth-1887.
So what was done to Kevan's Show... was a mere formality.
A means to an end.
I will fulfill Kang's destiny and I will destroy this universe.
Alexander Wayne
...the two of you are insane.
I'm going to the police.
Jim Moriarty
You doubt her stories...?
Well... Abra...cadabra!
Jim Moriarty
Feast your eyes on the multiverse...
Alexander Wayne
What have you done?
Jim Moriarty
Simply... what needs to be done.
As you can see... the multiverse in its current state can no longer exist.
All things... will collapse until I intervene.
It's all... coming to a head.
In the grand scheme, nothing in this world matters.
And it must be destroyed. I hope you understand.
Alexander Wayne
I won't let you do it.
The both of you... you're sick in the head.
And I will put a stop to this.
Natasha Sherryoff
You can't stop this, Mr. Wayne.
It is inevitable. It is our fate.
Alexander Wayne
No, you're insane.
Jim Moriarty
Let him believe what he wants.
I've shown him the truth and if he doesn't want to believe it... so be it.
Mr. Wayne... this is real magic.
Alexander Wayne
This isn't magic, it's sorcery.
And I won't stop until I've beaten you.
Jim Moriarty
Very well... you don't want to join Outer Heaven.
It's a shame. But not a big loss.
We'll see you on Sunday.... champ.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Earth-1129
Justinmonger
I've been waiting for this moment, cousin.
The grudge match.
The series is tied one a piece, so let's settle this once and for all.
Detective D'Vincent
Listen, I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't even know who you are.
I don't have an issue with you.
So stand down.
Justinmonger
You're about to have an issue with me.
Lloyd Hansen
Justin.
The man said stand down.
Justinmonger
What? What are you doing here?
Lloyd Hansen
Kang sent me.
And I'm not talking about him.
I'm talking about Kang, he wants you to stand down.
Justinmonger
What do you mean?
Kang said I could take D'Vincent.
Kang said I could take D'Vincent.
Lloyd Hansen
Change of plans.
He has a new assignment for you.
He sent me here to wrap this up.
Justinmonger
Nah, that's not what he told me.
Lloyd Hansen
You're welcome to bring it up with the Conqueror, if you have a problem.
I'm just the messenger.
Justinmonger reluctantly leaves.
Detective D'Vincent
Who are you?
Lloyd Hansen
About that...
Have a seat. We have a lot to discuss.
Detective D'Vincent
I'm good right here.
Need I remind you, I am an officer of the law.
I'm going to ask to see your hands.
And if you have any weapons, I need you to drop them immediately.
Lloyd Hansen
An officer of the law. That's cute.
Am I... sensing a bit of nervousness?
It's normal. Afterall, this is your first FantasyMania moment.
Your big debut to the West Coast Cousins playoffs.
I remember my first FantasyMania... that's because I won the whole thing.
Lloyd Hansen
So let me tell you how this'll play out, chief.
You're gonna try, very hard.
Do your weekly research, put together the best possible lineup.
Pray like hell... that none of your players miss the upcoming week.
And at the end of the day... you'll still fall short.
Because you're going against a legend.
One of the very best to ever do it.
I've been waiting a very long time to get back on top.
And right now, you are standing in my way.
So let me give you a bit of a spoiler.
You're not gonna like what happens next.
The Watcher
This would not be the first time that these variants have crossed paths.
As Hansen and D'Vincent settle their dispute,
I invite you to view another universe in which variants of
Captain Covfefe and The Black Manager clashed.
A moment... that ended in tragedy.
Earth-1943
As The Black Manager runs across a bridge,
he's suddenly caught off guard by a flying shield.
Captain Covfefe
That's far enough, Manager.
The Black Manager
Stay out of my way, American.
You do not understand what's at stake here.
Captain Covfefe
Stand aside!
You are interfering in a S.H.I.E.L.D. operative
and putting these people are risk.
The Black Manager
I am not the one putting these people at risk.
And I do not take orders from anyone!
Especially from a thief who has stolen Wakandan technology
as uses it as one of their own!
Be grateful that I've allowed you to use that shield up until now.
But a debt is owed and it will be repaid.
Captain Covfefe
I don't have time for this.
If you won't stand down, I'll make you stand down!
The Black Manager
Your idle threats are laughable at best.
Make me stand down?!
I AM A KING!
YOU FALL BENEATH ME!
