The Waiver Wire Episode 1 - "Pilot"

Maester Aemon

This is Castle Black.

We are under assault.

I repeat, we are under assault.

We are sending this distressed raven requesting aid from any Fantasy Managers within range.

We are 22 Fantasy Points behind.

Our Fantasy Team is made up of Game of Fantasy bench warmers.

We have very few starters.

This is not an active Fantasy Team.

I repeat, this is not an active Fantasy Team.

Kanye West

Hear me.... and rejoice.

Kanye West

You have had the privilege of being saved by the Great President. 

Kanye West

You may think this is suffering. 

No, it is salvation.

Kanye West

Universal scales, tipped toward balance because of your sacrifice.

Kanye West

Smile, for even in death, you have become Free Thinkers,

The Children of Trump.

We cut to Paul Heyman, cautiously observing the chaos that surrounds him.

President Trump

I know what it's like to be called a racist.

To feel so desperately that you're not, yet you're hated nonetheless.

As the start of a new West Coast Cousins season draws near.

I ask you, to what end?

President Trump

Dread it, run from it...

Destiny still arrives all the same.

And now it's here.

President Trump reveals that he's already in possession of Dragon Glass, 

one of the 6 Fantasy Stones.

President Trump

Or should I say... I am.

Jes Snow

You talk too much.

President Trump

To Paul Heyman:

The Underchucker's Urn.

Or Jes Snow's head.

I assume you have a preference.

Jes Snow

We don't have The Underchucker's Urn.

It was destroyed with the XFL, thanks to you.

Paul Heyman reveals that he is indeed, in possession of the Underchucker's Urn.

Jes Snow

To Paul Heyman:

You really are a heel character.

Paul Heyman

I assure you, bastard.

The sun will shine on us once again.

President Trump

Your optimism is misplaced, West Coasterosi.

Paul Heyman

Well, for one thing.

I'm not from West Coasteros.

And for another....

We have a beast.

SC Lesnar appears out of nowhere, enraged.

SC Lesnar catches President Trump by surprise and drops him from behind.

Senator Paul Ryan attempts to step in.

Kanye stops him.

Kanye West

Let him have his fun.

.

President Trump begins to take back control.

SC Lesnar is shocked at the power that President Trump possesses.

A series of blows to the head of SC Lesnar.

Over matched and overpowered, SC Lesnar is taken down by President Trump.

President Trump crushes the Underchucker's Urn into a single gem.

Kanye West

My humble personage bows before your grandeur.

As you become the first man to yield a Fantasy Stone.

President Trump

There are two more Fantasy Stones in the WCC.

Bring them to me.

Paul Heyman

Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman.

And if you're going to go to the West Coast Cousins...

There is no one more qualified to advocate you on your conquest to the WCC.

Almighty Donald, I, Paul Heyman.... Advocate for The Beast Incarnate, The Voice of the Voice of the Voiceless, The Mad Scientist of Professional Wrestling...

Do hereby pledge my undying fidelity...

Jes Snows catches a glimpse of Paul Heyman holding a kendo stick behind his back.

Paul Heyman attempts to attack President Trump with a Kendo Stick

But Trump evades the attack.

President Trump

Undying fidelity?

You should choose your words more carefully.

At the will of President Trump, Heyman begs for mercy.

But Trump has no such compassion, grabbing him by the throat.

Paul Heyman

*Choking*

You'll.... Never....

Be... Obama.

Trump smirks at the sly remark as Heyman gasps for air.

Slowly, but surely...

Paul Heyman fades until his last breath.

President Trump

I never liked the Game of Fantasies anyway.

The President along with his Children disappear into the night with the newly acquired Urn of the Underchucker.

GONG

GONG

President Trump along with his Children have disappeared.

Leaving the remaining Game of Fantasy Managers left behind at Castle Black.

 Using the Dragon Glass, President Trump triggers an explosion at Castle Black, ending the Game of Fantasies storyline once and for all.

T H E

W E S T   C O A S T

C O U S I N S

S E A S O N   1 0

"Eventually, they'll be dumb enough to believe it.." - Detective McLuu

Two Years Earlier...

Narrator

In the aftermath of the Explosion in Dallas, Vince McMahon's XFL met its demise, as President Trump followed through on his promise to put an end to XFL due to the rising outrage of the National Anthem Protests.

But at what cost?

Tens of thousands of lives were lost that night in Dallas,

millions more affected throughout the entire country.

From the bottom up, America as we know it has never been the same.

And the future of the West Coast Cousins, left with unparalleled uncertainty.

 

Narrator

With no source of income, outlet to express their aggression and rising cases of CTE, it should be a surprise to no one that many former players have turned to a life of crime.

The end result, San Francisco has never been more dangerous.

Today, one such player presents a prime example:

Former punter for the Muddogs, D'justin Barksdale stands on trial for murder of a rival drug dealer outside the Mayweather Boxing Club.

Narrator

D'justin Barksdale is a local Fantasy Manager in San Francisco, CA.

Cousin to the notorious Fantasy Managing Kingpin, Avon "Jesse" Barksdale.

Jesse Barksdale is alleged to have many connections in the criminal underworld of San Francisco and is said to be responsible for a handful of gang related murders this past offseason.

Thus, drawing the attention of one, Detective Tai McLuu, a homicide detective for the Seattle Police Department.

As Detective Tai enters the court room, Judge Judy commences the start of the trial.

Judge Judy

Please be seated.

We will begin with the prosecution calling upon their witness in the 

case of D'justin Barksdale vs. the State of California.

Narrator

Among those in attendance in the court room today is Kenneth "Stringer" Bell.

An associate of D'justin Barksdale and the right hand man to Avon "Jesse" Barksdale.

Howard Hamlin

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury.

I come before you today to prove that the defendant,

 D'justin Barksdale shot and killed a man in cold blood...

The facts that I am going to present to you...

A stern look from Kenneth "Stringer" Bell towards the State's star witness, local security guard for the Mayweather Boxing Club, Miss Jackson.

As Miss Jackson makes her way up to the podium, members of Kennth Bell's Fantasy Team,

Dalvin Cook and Alvin Kamara enter the court room.

Court Clerk

Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God under pains and penalties of perjury?

Miss Jackson

I do.

Fantasy Rivals, Kenneth Bell and Tai McLuu sit across from one another.

Last season, they finished 3rd and 4th, respectively.

Will their paths cross again in this year's playoffs?

Detective Tai leans in and takes a look at Kenneth Bell's Fantasy Draft Cheat Sheet.

Realizing that Tai McLuu is peeking at his cheat sheet, 

Kenneth Bell turns the page to show the detective what else he's been working on.

A smirk from Detective Tai.

D'justin and his lawyer, Maurice Levy, watch intently as the State's witness begins her testimony.

Kim Wexler

Miss Jackson, are you a security guard at the Mayweather Boxing Club?

Miss Jackson

Yes, I am.

Kim Wexler

And were you working the night Mr. Gant was shot and killed outside Mayweather's Boxing Club?

Miss Jackson

Yes I was.

Kim Wexler

And did you see the shooting occur?

Miss Jackson

Yes, ma'am. I did.

Kim Wexler

And do you see the man who shot Mr. Gant sitting in this court room today?

Miss Jackson

Nope.

I do not.

The jury is startled.

Lead prosecutor, Kim Wexler is also perplexed.

Kim Wexler

Miss Jackson, I have a sworn testimony signed by you in the offseason that states that this man, D'justin Barksdale, shot and killed William Gant outside of Mayweather's Boxing Club.

Miss Jackson

Yeah, but you see.

I was wrong.

I thought D'justin shot Mr. Gant.

But D'justin just look like the boy who actually shot him.

I saw the boy who actually shot him come back to Mayweather's Boxing Club a couple of weeks later.

Tai McLuu has seen enough and gets out of his seat.

Detective Tai

To Kenneth Bell:

Nicely done.

Judge Judy

Members of the jury, have you reached a verdict?

Jury

Yes, we have ma'am.

In the case of D'justin Barksdale versus the State of California,

we the jury, find the defendant, D'justin Barksdale, not guilty.

Judge Judy

What the fuck happened out there, McLuu?

We cut to Detective Tai sitting in Judge Judy's office.

Detective Tai

We lost.

Judge Judy

You lost?

That's all you have to say?

Detective Tai

What do you want me to say?

We went up against Kenneth Bell and we lost.

Judge Judy

Kenneth Bell?

Detective Tai

He was the man sitting in the back with the glasses taking notes.

Him and his posse were in courtroom intimidating the witnesses.

It's obvious they flipped the State's witness.

Scared her into changing her story.

Judge Judy
I saw.

Detective Tai
He's won 2 of the last 4 League Championships.
The only Fantasy Manager in the league that has diamond status.
And on top of that, the San Francisco Fantasy Managers have won 4 of the last 5 League Championships.
Seattle hasn't been a serious contender in this league in years.

Judge Judy
Why isn't anybody doing anything about the San Francisco cousins?

Detective Tai
Nobody gives a shit.
The world does not care about what's right, anymore.
Among the Seattle cousins, only Detective Joyce and I showed up to the Fantasy Draft.
My bosses only give a shit about the numbers.
Possession charges, small time drug busts.
The department has great numbers.
Arrests rates are up, but nothing gets done.
Nothing that really matters.
These dealers are back out on the street in 6 months, and the real bad guys?
The ones that are really running the show?
They stay out on the street unscathed.
And our department?
We get promotions.
Sergeant's become lieutenants, lieutenants become captains.
But no actual police work gets done.
It's all a show for the general public.
If you tell enough people that you're doing your job, eventually, they'll be dumb enough to believe it.

Judge Judy
And you think you can do better?

Detective Tai
With all due respect, your Honor, the whole system is so fucked to begin with.
I don't think there is one man that can spark a change that we can believe in.
Chain of command is a joke.
From top to bottom.
If you ask me, our current administration is to blame for the way things are.
It was a mistake to end the XFL.
San Francisco has never been more dangerous.
And we have no one to blame but the man in the White House.

Judge Judy
Let's not talk politics in our Fantasy Football storyline, McLuu.

Detective Tai
Then when are we going to talk about it?
If we don't speak up and effect change, nothing will get done.
Can we just clear the deck and put women in power?
Please?
Because if we don't do something now,
this entire Fantasy League, no, this entire country, as we know it, is fucked.

Judge Judy
So what do you propose, detective?

Detective Tai
It's about time we bring together a group of remarkable Fantasy Managers.
To see if we can become something more.
So that when they need us, we can fight the battles that they never could.
Fuck the stats, fuck the numbers game,
fuck playing it safe.
We have to go after the big fish.
We need to win this season.
We need the Seattle Crime and Government Department.

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

Kyle Rudolph

The fuck is this?

Some run down apartment?

You sure this is it?

JuJu Smith-Schuster

3828 Piermont Drive.

Looks like the spot.

Kyle Rudolph and JuJu Smith enter the building to meet their Fantasy Manager.

Kyle Rudolph

JuJu, you see this?

You've got to be kidding me!

A woman Fantasy Manager?

Joyce Greggs

That's Sergeant Joyce Greggs, 2x WCC League Champion, to you. Asshole.

And I'll be your captain of the Fantasy Team.

JuJu Smith-Schuster

My apologies, Sergeant.

This one, he's a bit intellectually challenged.

Too many concussions.

Kyle Rudolph

Fuck you, JuJu!

Lieutenant Kevin

Have a seat, you three.

We're about to get started.

As you can see, we've assembled a unit of Fantasy Managers.

Our task is simple.

We are the Seattle Cousins of the WCC.

And it's about time we shut the San Francisco cousins down.

Detective Minh

I'm game, boss.

Who's the target?

Detective Tai

Avon "Jesse" Barksdale and Kenneth "Stringer" Bell.

Detective Tai

Has anyone heard of these two Fantasy Managers?

Kyle Rudolph

I've never heard of them.

Detective Tai

That's because they've never been arrested.

At least not since they turned 18.

Not known to law enforcement, but trust me.

You ask any knucklehead on the street, they've heard of them.

These two sons of bitches run everything south of San Francisco.

Detective Tai

Combined, they have 5 WCC Championship Game appearances.

Two Championship title wins by Kenneth "Stringer" Bell.

And over the course of nine Fantasy Football seasons, Kenneth Bell has placed in all but two seasons.

He's the backbone of the Barksdale organization.

Last year, Jesse Barksdale finished in second place, playing in the Championship game.

And based on his Fantasy Draft, I think he's poised for another strong season.

Unless we stop him.

Detective Tai

Jesse's cousin, D'justin Barksdale, returns for his second season after finishing in 6th place last year.

And as we all know, he beat us in court earlier this week.

Detective Tai

We know some of the members in his crew:

 Julio Jones, Devonta Freeman and Erik Stevens.

JuJu Smith Schuster

What about this guy over here?

Detective Tai

Prop Vinny.

A dangerous Fantasy Manager who finished last season in 9th place.

But don't let his record fool you.

He knows a great deal about Fantasy Football and he'll be one to watch this season.

We believe that he is a rival to Jesse Barksdale and Kenneth Bell,

operating his business on the north side of San Francisco.

Detective Tai

And this here is Marlo Stealthy,

an up and coming Fantasy Manager from the south side of San Francisco.

Don't be surprised if Stealthy and Barksdale clash over territory this season.

They operate in the same region and while Stealthy has been a major player in the regular season with high points total, we think that if he can pull it all together,

he may finally make a name for himself in the WCC.

Kyle Rudolph

Wait a minute, if we're going after Barksdale,

why do we even care about these other guys?

Lt. Kevin

Because our goal is prevent all San Francisco Fantasy Managers from winning the League Championship.

The priority is Barksdale and Bell.

But seeing as these Fantasy Managers are rival dealers,

we're liable to find incriminating evidence against every single one of these guys.

If we can gather enough evidence agauinst Prop Vinny and Marlo Stealthy, then we'll use it to build a new case against them.

If all goes to plan, we'll clean up the streets and put Barksdale and Bell away for a very long time.

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

We cut to Michael Crabtree, speaking with his new Fantasy Manager.

Michael Crabtree

Man, bro.

We can't keep losing man.

I'm just a Fantasy Football player, bro.

Vinny, we gotta put last season behind us.

We just gotta go out there and make plays.

How do we bounce back this season?

Prop Vinny

I wouldn't worry too much, Crabtree.

I like our draft this season.

Saquon is gonna have a monster year.

Not to mention, Tom Brady running things for us on the inside.

If everything goes to plan, we'll be playing for the Championship title.

But one thing's for sure.

Barksdale won't know what hit 'em once we've established a business deal with our new connect.

Michael Crabtree

New connect?

Prop Vinny

A new distributor...

If we get this done, we'll be selling his product.

The most chemically pure crystal meth San Francisco has ever seen.

I only know him by one name.

"The Greek"

We cut to the outskirts of San Francisco.

Travis Kelce

So what makes me so lucky?

Why cut me in on the deal?

The Greek

The way I see it...

You have the market,

I have the product.

You've already established a relationship with these "urban thugs" of San Francisco.

And it just so happens,

we're looking to expand our operation into new markets.

The Greek shows Kelce a sample of his product.

Travis Kelce

What the hell is that?

The Greek

It's a brand name.

"Blue Magic."

As much as a brand name as Pepsi.

I own it, and I stand behind it.

I guarantee it and people know that, even if they don't know me, 

any more than they know the Chairman of General Mills.

It's the most chemically pure crystal meth that you'll find on the market.

99.1%

This isn't some off brand operation, Travis.

This is Classic Coke.

And I'm giving you an opportunity to join my Fantasy Team.

So are you in... or are you out?

Travis Kelce

So um... what if we just waste you, right here. Right now?

Leave you in the desert, then there is no more coke on the market.

You see how that works?

The Greek

Do you really want to live in a world without Coca-Cola?

Now you to listen to me.

You have the greatest Fantasy Manager... no, the two.. greatest Fantasy Managers in America, right here.

We cut to a shot of Carson Wentz

The Greek

And with our skills, you'll earn more in that 35% than you ever would on your own.

Travis Kelce
Who the hell are you?

The Greek
You know.
You all know exactly who I am.
Say my name.



Travis Kelce
Do what?
I - I don't have a damn clue who you are.

The Greek

Yeah... you do.

I'm The Greek.

I'm the man who won the 2017 League Championship.

I'm the reigning, defending, undisputed 2x League Champion.

I defeated the Mean Machine.

Travis Kelce

Bullshit.

The Flames did that.

The Greek

You sure?

The Greek

That's right...

Now say my name.

Travis Kelce

You're Rocksonberg...

Rocksonberg
You're goddamn right.