Earth-121898
(Located on the Dark Moon of Char)
Zeratul
En Taro Adun, Executor.
I've gathered you all here today as the time to strike is now.
For everyday that we fail to act, Kerrigan's control over the Zerg swarm grows.
Aldaris, the Praetor Artanis is here at your command,
in addition, I have recruited the Terran Commander, Jim Raynor to assist with our efforts.
I am confident the two of them will be invaluable resources in our war against the Zerg.
Aldaris
My! How the mighty Protoss have fallen?
Adun would be rolling in his grave if he knew that the fate of the Protoss
lies at the hands of a Dark Templar, a foreign Terran and a gay Praetor!
Artanis
Now hold on a second, who are you calling gay?
These accusations have gotten wildly out of hand, Aldaris.
Aldaris
I've seen the way you look at other Protoss warriors.
And there is undeniable evidence of your expeditions with Karax.
If not for the current state of affairs among the Protoss ranks,
the Hierarch would banish the two of you f-
Jim Raynor
Hey! I didn't come all this way for a civil war within the Protoss.
I came here to stop Kerrigan, so don't make me regret it.
Nobody cares if Artanis plays for the other team.
Artanis
But I'm not...
Jim Raynor
If it ain't about strategy, then I don't want to hear it.
Whether you're gay or not, frankly, I don't give a damn.
And Aldaris, if I wanted your opinion, I would've beaten it out of ya!
So why don't you just sit down and shut up?
You Coke drinkin' bitch!
Computer
Receiving Incoming Transmission.
Silver Surfer
Are you the protectors of this world?
Jim Raynor
What now?
Silver Surfer
Your universe is now marked for death.
Your world will be consumed by the Conqueror.
There is nothing you can do to stop him.
I herald his beginning, I herald your end.
I herald...
Silver Surfer
Kang.Kang the Conqueror
Good evening, gentlemen.
It's nice to see the passion in this fiery debate.
You've all played your roles wonderfully and I just want to thank you all
for your contributions to the greater multiverse.
It's all been very entertaining, the power is overwhelming.
This huge intergalactic space war—Zerg infestations, Kerrigan leading her swarm.
It's all been really wonderful stuff, really.
I hear you're beloved in South Korea.
But unfortunately, it's time to wrap things up.
Jim Raynor
What the hell?
Have you been watching us this entire time?
Kang the Conqueror
Correct.
10 points for our fearless leader, Jim Raynor!
I've seen everything, every little detail.
That moment you shared with Sarah on Tarsonis...
Jim Raynor
You son of a bitch...
Kang the Conqueror
All those nights, sneaking around with Karax... secret moonlight dinners.
Artanis
What? Nobody was supposed to know about that!
Kang the Conqueror
Personally, I'm no fan of that type of love.
But love is love.
And as I've heard once before... Love Wins. Always.
And it's very true, love does win.
But love won't save your universe and it won't stop me from accomplishing my goal.
And you might think, it's not fair. It's not right.
But it's not about what's right. It's about what needs to be done.
And your universe, along with so many others, must come to an end.
Enjoy the final days. That will be all.
Conqueror Out.
End of Briefing.
WEST COAST COUSINS:
THE KANG DYNASTY
Episode Three - The Witch
Earth-206
Janet Van Dyne
My name is Janet Van Dyne and I need you to listen carefully.
This world is out of time.
He's coming and he plans to destroy us all.
Doctor Strange
What world are you from, Janet?
Ouroboros
We should be careful, Strange.
Her name isn't Janet.
Ouroboros
Her name is Selina Kyle and she originates from Earth-1.
She works for Kang.
Janet Van Dyne
That was a previous life, OB.
But name is Selina Kyle and I did work for Kang.
But after everything I've seen from him, I can no longer do so.
I've seen his plans and it doesn't end well, for any of us.
Some of the things he's already done... it's unimaginable.
Genosha in Earth-97... Earth-220.
Earth-4... what he did to his own world in Earth-1.
It is incomprehensible the lack of human decency in this man.
Kang is a psychopath and he will do anything to get what he wants.
I am trying to get away from Kang. I will not be apart of his crusade.
Doctor Strange
I doubt changing your name will be enough to stop Kang from finding you.
Janet Van Dyne
Probably not. But it's all I can do.
The entire multiverse is in danger and I came here because maybe...
Maybe this group has what it takes to stop him.
Ouroboros
Nathaniel has been theorizing the collapse of the multiversal for thousands of years.
What makes you think Kang can actually do what you're suggesting?
Janet Van Dyne
In his time, Kang has destroyed many worlds.
But he's always been limited by the scarcity of his resources.
Using a powerful weapon known as the Death Star,
Kang was able to wipe out entire universes one by one.
And if that wasn't scary enough, he's found a way to destroy the entire multiverse all at once.
Spiderman-206
What's changed?
You said he was limited before.
Janet Van Dyne
He was, but now he's not.
He has Jean Grey and it's only a matter of time before
she becomes the Dark Phoenix and fulfills his destiny.
Kang intends to pass on his multiversal knowledge and technology
to an immense being like the Dark Phoenix.
And with that power, she can harness the energy of the Death Star indefinitely.
She can wipe out every single timeline as she so pleases.
I'm not sure how far along Jean is, but I don't think we have much time.
Doctor Strange
How do we stop him?
Janet Van Dyne
Much of our path has already been written, I hope it's not too late.
Kang has experimented endlessly across the multiverse.
He's experienced and lived in nearly every single timeline in existence.
He knows exactly what will happen next before it happens.
If we want to beat him... we need to be meticulous in our approach.
Over the course of the last 3 seasons, we've been writing his story.
Every moment, every week, every Fantasy Point that was scored in this League...
it's all contributed to Kang's final mission.
Everything matters,
In 2023, the entire West Coast Cousins produced a cumulative total of
16,846.60 fantasy points in the regular season.
The following year in 2024, the West Coast Cousins scored 16,610.18 fantasy points.
And finally last season, we scored a total of 16,664.14 points.
Which means over the last three seasons, the WCC has averaged 16,706.91 points.
If we want to defeat Kang, we must score more than the average.
This season, we must score over 16,706.91 points.
And it's going to take all of us to do it.
---------------------------------------------------
West Coast Cousins Season Objective:
Defeat Kang the Conqueror
(Outscore 16,706.91 Fantasy Points)
---------------------------------------------------
Doctor Strange
Through 2 weeks, the West Coast Cousins have a total of 2,396.80 points.
Janet Van Dyne
That's right. In Week 1, the cousins did very well — 1,302.94 points.
But in Week 2, we only managed to score 1,093.86 points.
We still have a long way to go.
We have 12 more weeks to score more than 14,310.11 points.
Gwen Kelce
Well, maybe if some managers added a kicker or a defense, they could pull their weight.
Narrator
Just as Janet finishes her explanation on how to defeat Kang,
Christopher Parker is faced with a sudden migraine that takes him out.
Christopher Parker
Ah!
White Rabbit
The Spider has cheated death and found a way to win it all...
But rest assured, Parker.
You may have cheated death, but death remains faithful.
So I ask one thing...
WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO WAKE UP?!
Dante Reyes
It's a go. Fire at will and send them all...
Black Baugh
Copy that.
MJ
Chris, are you alright?
Christopher Parker
I don't know... but someone is here!
Clank. Clank. Clank.
The pumpkin bomb explodes as Matthew 'Green Goblin' Stafford appears from the sky.
Matthew 'Green Goblin' Stafford
HAHAHAHAHA!
Tony Pollard also appears from the sewer.
Spider-Man
Strange... we've got company.
Doctor Strange
Alright, kid. Let's look alive.
415, you take on the Goblin. 206, you're on the Lizard.
Gwen Kelce and I will take the Black Baugh.
Jaylen Waddle bounces back in Week 2 with 138 yards receiving.
But so does George Kittle, scoring 14 points for Chris Law at SF Honda.
Chris Parker hammers away with 17.80 from Kenneth Walker.
But the Stafford isn't going away.
27.98 from the Rams QB as #7tormsComing keeps it close in Week 2.
However, Amon-Ra St. Brown scores multiple touchdowns,
totaling 26.20 for the defending Champion.
The surprise attack fails as Chris Parker alongside his variants
and Doctor Strange secure the Week 2 win 113.16 - 102.28.
Winner via Pinfall:
Chris Law at SF Honda
Chris Law at SF Honda
Doctor Strange casts a spell and puts The Baugh's team in stasis cell.
The Baugh is now 0-2 to start the new season.
Christopher Parker
Strange, what did you do?
Doctor Strange
Doctor Strange
It's an ancient relic. Macchina di Kadavus.
It'll keep The Black Baugh's Fantasy Team in these cells until we know what to do with them.
For now, we need to focus on scoring as many Fantasy Points as we can.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Earth-KANG
The crowd cheers as Rockson Reigns makes his way into the Wells Fargo Center.
Adam Pearce
Whoa, whoa! Rockson, give me just a second.
I need to talk to you.
It's a new season, I know you have a lot on your mind-
Rockson Reigns
Get your hands off me!
Rockson Reigns
Where's Tai Rollins? Huh?
Where's he at?
He takes my Wiseman, he screws me over and he thinks he's just gonna get off scot-free?
Nah, it doesn't work like that around here.
Adam Pearce
Rockson, stop!
I've sent Tai Rollins home.
Rockson Reigns
You did what?
Now why would you go and do something like that, huh? Pearce?
Tai Rollins
He didn't.
He sent my variant home.
Tai Rollins walks into frame.
Rockson Reigns
He sent your what?!
The hell you talking about, huh?
You got some nerve walking up on me after the shit you pulled last season!
Tai Rollins
I get it, you're upset and I don't blame you.
There's been a ruse pulled on all of us.
You got screwed over at last year's FantasyMania, but I assure you,
it wasn't me who screwed you over.
You see, there's a lot of moving parts here and there's a lot that you don't understand
Hell, I don't even know if I fully understand it myself.
But there is a variant of mine somewhere, running around doing Kang's bidding.
And he's framed me to look like the villain.
Tai Rollins
So you can be upset, you can be angry...
But allow me to put my cards on the table.
Look at my team, Josh Jacobs is on the Commissioner's Exempt List.
AJ Brown is on IR, Brock Bowers is out indefinitely.
I don't have a dog in this race. The 2026 Kang Games are not in the cards for me.
But if you still got some resentment towards me, we can duke it out in Week 3.
We'll get in that ring and try to score Fantasy Points on one another.
Hell, one of us has to pick up their first win this season, right?
But after that, I only ask that you hear me out.
And then... just maybe, we can shield this entire league from Kang the Conqueror.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Michael Cole
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to Wednesday Night Preview.
As we enter Week 3, we have 4 undefeated teams left.
In last week's action, John Seana defeated AL-LEX Knight to move to 2-0.
An impressive win with the Bills Mafia at the helm.
And after a strong Week 1, AL-LEX Knight will look to rebound against CFL in Week 3.
Pat McAfee
Hey, I know we mentioned CFL had a target on his back,
but so far so good for the defending Champion.
He sits atop the Power Rankings and is the current points leader through 2 weeks, Cole.
Michael Cole
Chris has looked good, but what about Luke's Lunch Money?
Rhea Joycely and the Joycement Day had a strong outing in Week 2,
currently second in points but sits at 1-1.
Pat McAfee
Long way to go, but she looks good to start the season.
Michael Cole
It is very early and the contenders are still to be determined in the 2026 Kang Games.
Following a 122.30 performance in Week 2, Vincent Rhodes picked up his first win
against Loud Play Justin.
Drew Minhtyre improves to 2-0 with a win over Kevin Breakker.
Pat McAfee
It's looking dicey for Kevin. 2 weeks sub 90 and with Justin Herbert struggling,
how much can Bijan Robinson carry the load?
Michael Cole
And in perhaps one of the worst matches of all time,
CM PUP defeated Tai Rollins 55.72 - 35.22.
Dave Meltzer of the West Coast Cousins Observer gave this match half a star.
Absolutely zero offense in a sloppy match where the kicker, Brandon Aubrey, was the only player to score in double digits.
Pat McAfee
That was ugly to watch, boys.
And for Tai Rollins, I think his season is all but over.
I have never seen such a poor start with injuries, suspensions, lack of depth,
this looks abysmal for the former League Champion.
Michael Cole
Hold on just a second, Pat.
I am now getting word from our producers that Tony Kang has an important announcement to make.
We now go backstage to Tony Kang.
Tony Kang
Today I had to make one of the toughest decisions of my professional career.
Today, I terminated CM PUP, Drew Minhtyre, Sandy Orton and John Seana for cause.
This stems from a backstage incident that is currently happening right now.
This incident is regrettable and it is endangering people backstage.
That includes the production staff, innocent people who had nothing to do with it.
I have been going to Fantasy Football shows for over 17 years
and never in all that time have I ever felt that my security, my safety and my life were in danger.
Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler
Tony, what the hell is going on?
What do you mean your safety is in danger?
Can you tell us more details about what's happening?
Tony Kang
It's the Scarlet Joyce, Jerry.
She's here! And she's taken out all of the Pink Soldiers!
I—I think she has Vincent 'Kang' McMahon!
Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler
Tony, listen to me. Do not let her get any further!
Do you understand me? Stop her immediately!
Tony Kang
I'm afraid it's too late, she's coming out there right now!
*Sandy Orton's Music Hits*
Michael Cole
There she is! The Scarlet Joyce is here at the Kang Games!
1-1 on the season after a masterclass performance in Week 2.
Scarlet Joyce has arrived here in Earth-KANG!
Pat McAfee
But that's not all fellas, check out who is beside her!
CM PUP, Drew Minhtyre and Sandy Orton!
I thought they were all fired!
Michael Cole
I don't think they're leaving the building anytime soon, Pat.
Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler
This cannot be happening...
Where is McMahon?!
The entire Council of Kang turn their attention to the entrance way.
John Seana makes his way out, with Vincent 'Kang' McMahon on his shoulders.
Pat McAfee
I think we found him, Jerry!
John Seana has got a hold of Vincent 'Kang' McMahon!
It's a hostile takeover here in the West Coast Kang!
*Crowd Boos*
Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler
This has gone too far!
Council, take them out... now!
Sandy Orton
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Because if I say the word... John Seana will snap McMahon's neck!
*Crowd Boos*
Sandy Orton
That's right.
And now that we have your attention, we have a list of demands.
Scarlet Joyce
I want Kang the Conqueror.
He needs to see this.
Kang Variant
We are all Kang the Conqueror!
Don't you know anything about the multiverse?!
Scarlet Joyce
No, you're not.
You're all weak, feeble variants.
I want the Conqueror.
I want the exiled one.
The Council of Kang whisper nervously.
Vincent 'Kang' McMahon
Do it! Somebody get the exiled one via satellite!
Kang the Conqueror appears on the titantron.
Kang the Conqueror
If it isn't the Scarlet Joyce... my greatest disappointment.
Scarlet Joyce
Your greatest disappointment is about to become your greatest adversary.
But I do have you to thank...
You taught me everything that I know.
All of that time, spend in the break room...
learning about the multiverse and all of its possibilities...
I want you to know, Kang. You taught me well.
And you're gonna to regret it.
Kang the Conqueror
Do you finally have what it takes to do what needs to be done?
Scarlet Joyce
Scarlet Joyce
I do.
Kang the Conqueror
Show me.
The Scarlet Joyce flies into the air and begins to wield her power.
The Council of Kang watch nervously as they are powerless to stop her.
Scarlet Joyce
Kang, I want you to know...
You never broke me.
I've always been capable of destroying universes.
And when I find you, I will destroy you!
Kang the Conqueror
We'll see.
Kang disconnects from the call.
The Scarlet Joyce scores 126.08 points
behind Davante Adams' 31.50 performance on Monday Night Football.
As the Scarlet Joyce unleashes her power,
she kills the entire Council of Kangs, destroying all of Kang's variants.
14310.11
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