West Coast Kang: Episode 14 - The New West Coast Cousins

Earth-415

Nico Collins

Mr. President! I need you to stand down!

You're only going to make things worse.

Nico Collins

Okay... we're just gonna have to do this the old fashioned way.

You want me?! Come and get me!

Nico Collins rushes President Trump and surprisingly scores a rushing touchdown.

President Trump goes on a barrage, but Jacksonville Defense gives him 14 points.

Nico Collins does his best as the WR scores 16.50 in Week 13.

But an enraged President Trump is too much for the Texans WR.

From out of nowhere, Kenneth Walker comes to assist Nico Collins.

Nico Collins

I think you only managed to piss him off.

U.S. Agent

Let's go, Bucky. We got this.

Nico Collins

The hell is he doing here?

Kenneth Walker

We could use the help.

Kenneth Walker scores 7.40,

but this only seems to piss President Trump off.

He sends a car hurling at Walker,

but Walker is able to deflect it with his arm.

Yelena Belova joins in on the action, firing at the President.

Tulsi Gabbard

David Copperfield.

Kevin Spacey.

Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

Sean 'Diddy' Combs.

Harvey Weinstein.

Tulsi Gabbard

Bill Cosby.

Joss Whedon.

Robert Kelly.

Bill Clinton.

Hilary Clinton.

Tulsi Gabbard

Donald J. Trump.

Tulsi Gabbard

These are just some of the high profile names listed on the Epstein Files.

A file, that I currently have in my hands.

As Donald Trump reverts back to his normal form,

Yelena Belova places him in a chokehold.

Tulsi Gabbard

For years, I have been working secretly to develop a new age of protection.

Today, the citizens of the United States needed that protection.

And thanks to my hard work, they got it.

Tulsi Gabbard

Super soldiers, stealth operatives, espionage agents.

Together we have obtained the full Epstein Files

and now we have the power to hold these terrible people accountable.

Tulsi Gabbard

It is time for a new team of Fantasy Managers that can get the job done.

Tulsi Gabbard

Ladies and gentlemen...

meet The New West Coast Cousins.

WEST COAST KANG:

THE RISE OF THE CONQUEROR

Episode Fourteen - The New West Coast Cousins

Earth-KANG

Michael Cole

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Wednesday Night Preview.

During our Week 13 Recap of Survivor Series, we witnessed a shocking turn of events.

At the conclusion of Kevin Owens vs. Sandy Orton, with Kevin eliminated from playoff contention,

a Masked Man entered the ring and proceeded to stab Kevin Owens in the neck.

Michael Cole

I regret to inform our audience that Kevin Owens

succumbed to his injuries and did not survive the attack from the Masked Man.

Michael Cole

But that is not all folks, as we closed out our broadcast of Survivor Series,

the Masked Man returned to the ring going after CM PUP.

However, with the help of John Seana, CM PUP managed to get away.

Michael Cole

Jerry, I would now like to invite you to respond to these attacks.

After all, you were the one calling for the Masked Man to kill CM PUP.

Would you care to elaborate on what happened last night?

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

Michael Cole, I do not have to answer to anyone.

This is what these Fantasy Managers signed up for.

They have an opportunity to join the Final Universe,

but that opportunity does not come without a price.

And if you do not like it, Michael Cole, you're welcome to join Kevin Owens.

Now can we proceed with the final week of the regular season?

Or do you have any more stupid questions, Michael? Pat?

Pat McAfee

I'm all good over here, Kang.

Will you please shut up, Cole?

You're gonna get us both stabbed!

Michael Cole

Well, there you have it folks.

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler takes no responsibility for his actions.

Pat McAfee

Hey, man. I don't know this guy.

I'm not with him, alright?

Michael Cole

Way to tuck your tail behind your legs, Pat.

But nonetheless, we still have Week 14 action coming your way.

We are down to the final week of the regular season and with one playoff spot remaining,

it is down to 3.

Sandy Orton, The Baugh and AL-LEX Knight vying for the final playoff spot.

Pat McAfee

That's absolutely right, Cole.

After last night's win over Kevin Owens, Sandy Orton is now in pole position.

Sandy Orton will take on Tai Rollins and all she has to do is win.

If she wins, she's in the playoffs, simple as that.

But going into Week 14, one has to wonder, is Sandy Orton is cahoots with the Joycement Day?

We've seen Rhea Joycely getting involved in Orton's matches and making their presence known.

Sandy Orton hasn't publicly aligned himself with the Joycement Day,

but he's reaped the benefits, that's for sure.

Will we see more Joycement Day shenanigans heading into Week 14?

Michael Cole

And then there's the Final Boss, The Baugh!

After losing his Week 13 matchup to Vincent Rhodes,

The Baugh now finds himself on the outside looking in with a record of 6-7.

But his playoff chances are still alive,

if Sandy Orton loses on Sunday and The Baugh wins, he's in.

Pat McAfee

That'll be a tall task as The Baugh takes on CFL's Josh Allen in Week 14.

CFL has a number of players on Bye this week, so he'll need to navigate those waters,

but he is still the #3 Ranked Fantasy Manager heading into the final week.

Michael Cole

And then of course, there's AL-LEX Knight!

Pat McAfee

YEAH!

Michael Cole

A lot of pundits may have written AL-LEX Knight off,

but with a win in Week 13, AL-LEX Knight's playoff hopes are still alive.

If both Sandy Orton and Baugh lose on Sunday, along with a win from AL-LEX Knight,

then the Megastar will make his return to FantasyMania in one week's time.

It all comes down to this as AL-LEX Knight takes on the Phenomenal Justin Styles!

Pat McAfee

This is as good as it gets, Cole.

Sandy Orton, The Baugh and AL-LEX Knight duking it out for that final spot.

The Playoff Picture is still in motion heading into the final week,

anything can happen as we are just one week away from FantasyMania!

Michael Cole

Pat, last week on Preview, we mentioned the returning Justin Styles.

And as promised, we have more on the Rise and Return of the Phenomenal Justin Styles!

Michael Cole

After making his WCC Debut in 2017, Justin Styles exploded onto the scene.

In his first year in the League, he managed to make the playoffs

despite his lack of experience in the world of Fantasy Sports.

However, that inexperience would soon catch up to him as he would never make the playoffs again.

After 2017, Justin Styles would routinely finish among the bottom of the league.

As a result, Justin Styles was forced to make a decision that would alter the course of his career.

Justin Styles left the West Coast Cousins in 2021.

Michael Cole

But in that time, Justin Styles was able to rebuild his career, touring the world and learning how to play.

With the help of ChatGPT and AI tools, Justin Styles familiarized himself with NFL players and Fantasy Football strategies.

Michael Cole

In 2024, the new and improved Justin Styles finished in 2nd place,

earning a Silver Medal in New Japan Pro Fantasy League.

Michael Cole

And now, after a 5 year absence from the WCC,

Justin Styles has returned to the West Coast Cousins.

He shocked the world with big wins over household names like

Tai Rollins, The Baugh, CM PUP, Drew Minhtyre, Sandy Orton and John Seana.

Justin Styles has taken the league by storm with a record of 8-5.

He will make his return to FantasyMania for the first time since 2017.

We now go live to Jackie Redmond who is standing by to interview the Phenomenal, Justin Styles!

Jackie Redmond

Hi, Michael. I have been standing by Justin's locker room for the past few minutes now

and it does seem as if we have a bit of a situation.

There was a lot of commotion and medical staff making their way into his locker room.

I'm being told that I won't be able to interview Justin Styles.

We go inside the locker room to find Justin Styles laying motionless on the ground,

his throat slashed.

Michael Cole

Oh my God... Justin Styles has been attacked!

Is this another attack from the Masked Man?

Kang, what do you know about this?

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

I have no idea what this is about...

Michael Cole

I find that incredibly hard to believe.

Justin Styles was ready to make his return to FantasyMania.

Justin Styles wasn't even eliminated from the Kang Games!

Why would anyone go after Justin Styles?!

John Seana rushes to the aid of Justin Styles.

Pat McAfee

This isn't looking good guys... that is a gnarly wound on his neck.

You hate to see it...

John Seana

Is he alright? Is he gonna be alright?

What happened?

Medical Staff

Give him some space, guys.

We need to take him to the hospital.

Announcer

Justin Styles has been eliminated.

Pat McAfee

Eliminated?! What do you mean eliminated?!

What about AL-LEX Knight and his Week 14 match?

Does he get a free win? What does this mean?

How do we move forward with FantasyMania without Justin Styles?

Michael Cole

I have no idea, Pat.

These past 24 hours have been absolute chaos.

What this means for this weekend's matchups

and FantasyMania moving forward is anybody's guess.

Jerry, is there anything you'd like to add?

Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler

I have no comment at this time.

Michael Cole

I think we just need to go to commercial guys.

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

Narrator

Elsewhere in Earth-KANG, we return to Kang's lab.

Selina Kyle has been tasked to monitor the actions of The Kang Games.

Selina Kyle

The Vision just defeated Kevin Owens.

Shortly after, Kevin Owens was killed.

The commentary team and those within the Games are starting to get weary about the attacks.

Kang the Conqueror

As is the case every year of the Kang Games...

What about Vision? Will he make it to FantasyMania?

Selina Kyle

I don't know.

He has to win on Sunday.

Kang the Conqueror

I suppose in the end, it doesn't really matter.

Putting Vision in the Games was the right move.

The Scarlet Joyce is more motivated than ever.

Kang the Conqueror

She's been working tirelessly since I put Sandy Orton into the Games.

Soon, she will crack and realize her potential.

Selina Kyle

And if Sandy Orton gets eliminated?

What then? Aren't you worried about what she might do?

Kang the Conqueror

If Orton gets eliminated, it's because the Scarlet Joyce didn't work fast enough.

I've given her enough leeway.

If she isn't capable of destroying universes by now, then she never will be.

Selina Kyle

What's so important about the Scarlet Joyce?

You've destroyed universes before... why do you need her?

Kang the Conqueror

I need her mind.

Her ability is beyond anything I have ever come across in the multiverse.

Selina, what we do here... everything we have built.

It's finite.

I've traveled across millenniums to find sources of power.

Iso-8 Crystals to power the Ultimate Nullifier.

With these resources, I can eliminate Time.

I can destroy universes as I so choose... but my resources are limited, Selina.

Kang the Conqueror

And without resources, I won't be able to complete the Final Resolution.

If we continue down this path, I won't have enough Iso-8 Crystals to keep the Nullifier going.

But the Scarlet Joyce... she doesn't need Iso-8 Crystals.

She can erase realities with just her mind.

She just needs to be taught how to harness her power.

If I can bring her along.. I won't need the Ultimate Nullifier.

The Final Resolution can be achieved at my will.

Selina Kyle

And what if you can't get her to do what you want?

Kang the Conqueror

She has to.

If I can't get the Scarlet Joyce to cooperate...

then my dream of the Final Universe may never fully coming to fruition.

Selina Kyle

Couldn't you just find another Scarlet Joyce? Another variant?

You have the entire multiverse at your disposal, my Conqueror.

Kang the Conqueror

There is no Scarlet Joyce variant as powerful as the one from Earth-415.

There...

Kang has just come to a realization.

Selina Kyle

What is it?

Kang the Conqueror

There isn't a Scarlet Joyce variant as powerful as the one in Earth-415...

But perhaps, there is another who can fulfill my plan.

A variant not of the Scarlet Joyce... but instead, another mind.

A mind that when unlocked, can do some really interesting things...

Selina Kyle

*Almost afraid to ask*:

..who do you have in mind?

Kang the Conqueror

Jean Grey.

The Dark Phoenix.

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

Earth-616

Narrator

We return to Earth-616 as Kendrick Stark watches the next footage on multiversal travel.mp4.

Kendrick von Doom

To those who seek to comprehend the breadth of my endeavors, understand this.

My actions are not born of caprice, but of calculated necessity.

The multiverse, in its infinite permutations, 

harbor realities and beings whose existence threatens the very fabric of all that is.

Take, for instance, Earth-2017.

A reality wherein the Kryptonian, known as Kal-El, once heralded as a beacon of hope,

inevitably fell to corruption.

The one they called Superman endeavored to extinguish all life on his planet.

His power was unrivaled, his will unchecked.

Not even the Batman nor his assembled Justice League could forestall the devastation that he wrought.

Kendrick von Doom

Which is why I had to destroy the entirety of Earth-2017.

Because of Superman, that world became too dangerous.

Kal-El is too dangerous.

Which is why I have taken the liberty of eliminating all Kal-El variants across the multiverse.

Erased from history. Superman is no more.

A being as powerful as Kal-El, had he become aware of the greater multiverse,

there is no telling the damage he could have caused.

You can thank me for saving us all from Superman's destruction.

And then... there's MarthaMan-4479.

A variant who briefly possessed the power of all six Fantasy Stones.

This variant of MarthaMan no longer walks among us, as Kang took this matter into his own hands.

And while Kang's philosophy does not align directly with my own,

we do share a common goal of eliminating problematic universes and their variants.

I will use this knowledge in my favor and make him my pawn.

A conduit in which I will use to further my plans of salvaging the multiverse.

Kendrick von Doom

In the course of my multiversal research, I have uncovered methods to transverse that extend

beyond the crude devices employed by lesser intellects.

Technology alone is insufficient when dealing with the infinite complexities of time and reality.

I have achieved what is known across the multiverse as "Time Slipping."

Not mere time travel, but the ability to slide fluidly across the timestream.

Moving backward, forward or laterally without the encumbrance of machines

tethered to any single reality.

Through sheer force of will and understanding of temporal mechanics,

I may step into pasts and futures alike, observing and influencing events as necessary.

Kendrick von Doom

Yet, Time Slipping alone is insufficient for my cause.

Through my studies of the Darkhold and the teachings of Kamar-Taj,

I have learned a new form of multiversal travel that allows me

to inhabit the bodies of my variants across the multiverse.

Each Kendrick von Doom, in every reality, is but another iteration of the same indomitable will.

I call this technique "Variant Inheritance."

Through precise manipulation of quantum consciousness,

I can jump into their forms, supplanting them, directing them,

aligning their actions to my grand design.

Kendrick von Doom

Understand what this means.

I no longer need to wage war from the outside.

I no longer rely on mere diplomacy or conquest.

I can become any Doom, anywhere.

Guiding entire worlds from within.

My reach is infinite and my influence will be subtle, yet inescapable.

Amateurs seek the sun. Get eaten.

Power.... Power stays in the shadows.