The United States House of Representatives meet to vote on whether or not the XFL will be defunded.
Judge Judy
We are meeting today to decide on whether or not President Trump's Executive Order to defund the XFL will pass.
The XFL is a football based storyline executive produced by Vince McMahon that brings football movies, along with various other sports movies into a collective West Coast Cousins Cinematic Universe.
In it's first season as storyline, the XFL has brought a more simple, easy to follow, breath of fresh air storyline. Albeit, the story is more so on the plain side, it does not have the flaws of complex story arcs and incomplete storylines of the WCC Wrestling Division.
President Trump's provision to defund the XFL is on the basis of the unamerican national anthem protests conducted by many of the XFL's star players.
President Trump called the protest a direct threat to national security and that these sons of bitches should be fired.
Vince McMahon refused to comply with President Trump's request and the inmates have run the asylum ever since.
Judge Judy
On the other side, defunding the XFL would create a void in storylines for the WCC.
Those opposing the defunding of the XFL say that President Trump is simply pushing for the WCC Wrestling Division to return as a prominent storyline.
Some claim the President has a conflict of interest as he is the owner of the WCC Wrestling Division.
Others also state that the decommission of the XFL would cause the crime rate to increase as many of the XFL's star players would resort to a life of crime without the XFL.
The Flame's Emmanuel Sanders can attest to that, as he saw his friend shot and killed shortly after returning to the streets.
Personally, while I think we cannot let the inmates run the asylum, we certainly should not put an end to that asylum, as many of these inmates would be released into the streets among our citizens.
I will now open up the floor to the House of Representatives to decide the fate of the XFL.
Among those interested in the fate of the XFL is Coach Jim Harbaugh, Coach Rockson, Coach Ken, Coach Howard, Coach Covfefe, Coach Minh, Coach DeMarco, Coach Justin, Xyzbit, Ja Rule and various others.
House of Representatives
I vote, not to defund the XFL.
House of Representatives
I vote to defund the XFL.
Jim Ross
By God! It's a dead even vote.
This is as close as it gets folks.
And it all comes down to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris
I vote to keep the XFL in commission!
Coach Justin
Thank you Chuck Norris.
Molly Wood
Welcome back to First Take.
I'm Molly Wood and we are in Week 13 in the XFL.
Many storylines to talk about, the playoff picture is nearly set with 5 teams clinching a playoff berth.
The Mean Machine and the Thundering Herd battle it out in Week 13 in what could be a FantasyMania preview.
Both these teams will look to sustain momentum heading into the playoffs with the Mean Machine looking to claim a first round bye.
But perhaps the bigger storyline this week...
The 6th and final spot for FantasyMania.
The Average Justin's hold the 6th spot for now, but the Coyotes and the Mustangs aren't too far behind.
To put it simply, for the Average Justin's, it's win and you're in.
The Coyotes however, will need the Average Justin's to lose and a win on Sunday to clinch a playoff spot.
Meanwhile, the dark horse, The Baugh's Mustangs have climbed all the way back from the bottom of the league to have a chance in Week 13.
They'll need help from Minh's Outlaws and Joyce's Sharks to even have a shot at FantasyMania.
The Baugh's Mustangs can steal a playoff spot with a win and a loss from both the Coyotes and the Average Justin's.
It's a long shot, but for the Mustangs to even be in this position is a feat in of itself.
Molly Wood
But now we move onto Skip's favorite topic of the day.
The Permian Panthers versus the T.C. Titans.
Skip, take it away.
Skip Bayless
Stephen A. Smith.
I'd like to rewind the clock back all the way to Week 1.
If I recall, you said the Permian Panthers were finished.
That Coach Covfefe needs to be FIRED!
You said we were wasting storyline time on the washed up Panthers.
Well, Stephen A.
I hate to say I told you so....
Skip Bayless
Heading into the last week of the regular season, the Permian Panthers are BY FAR the best team in the XFL.
They are the WCC Champions.
They've drafted the best players.
They've added the best players.
And Coach Covfefe committed highway robbery not ONCE... but TWICE!
Coach Covfefe finessed Coach Jesse by dealing Kareem Hunt to the Mean Machine for 3rd overall ANTONIO BROWN!
Who has a combined 60 points in the last 2 weeks!
Meanwhile, where is Kareem Hunt?
He hasn't scored a touchdown since Week 3!
And Kareem's best game? Was played as a Permian Panther.
And let's not forget...
Coach Covfefe essentially ended Joyce's Sharks season.
He took their best player and gave her two players that ended up injured within 2 weeks of the trade.
The Sharks had to change their team name because of Coach Covfefe!
Skip Bayless
Stephen A. how can you sit there with a straight face and tell me the Permian Panthers are through?
That the Permian Panthers aren't the best team in the league today?
You said his legacy was over.
You said the T.C. Titans were the new Titans of the XFL.
Well, I'm here to tell you that you're wrong.
And the Permian Panthers are going to prove it this Sunday when they CRUSH Coach Ken's T.C. Titans in what will surely be a small taste of what the Panthers will do at FantasyMania.
Stephen A. Smith
Oh, is that right?
Skip, let me remind you which team in the number 1 power ranked team in the XFL.
Let me remind you, which team beat the Permian Panthers in Week 2.
Let me remind you which team has made it to four consecutive FantasyMania Finals.
It's the best team and the best Fantasy Manager in the HISTORY of the WCC.
Coach Ken and the T.C. Titans.
Skip Bayless
The same T.C. Titans that have lost back to back games?
The same T.C. Titans that FIRED Coach Ken just a few weeks ago?
The higher ups don't believe in Coach Ken.
Coach Ken is trending downward at the wrong time of the season, meanwhile the Permian Panthers are getting red hot at the perfect time of the year.
Stephen A., the T.C. Titans are a good team.
There's no debating, they've been at the top spot all season long.
But they're going up against an ALL TIME GREAT team, in the Permian Panthers.
This very well could be a FantasyMania Finals Preview between the Permian Panthers and the T.C. Titans.
And I've got my money on the Permian Panthers.
Stephen A. Smith
I will agree with you there, Skip.
These two teams seem destined to meet in the main event of FantasyMania.
The Permian Panthers dominated one era.
The T.C. Titans dominated another.
Never before have we seen these two teams in their primes going against one another.
This is most definitely a legacy match.
The T.C. Titans are up 1-0 on the season.
The Permian Panthers have a chance to tie that series at one a piece on Sunday.
But we could very well see the 3rd and final match between these two at FantasyMania to determine who Greatest Fantasy Manager of All Time is.
I, for one, cannot wait.
And I hope it comes down to these two teams, Skip.
The Mustangs
M-U-S-T-A-N-G-S!
The Baugh
That's how you do it!
That's how you spell Mustangs.
The Baugh
The Baugh says this.
No matter what happens on Sunday, you're all winners in my book.
You came into this league as losers.
And you lost.
We lost our first 4 games of the season.
Then we went on to be 1-6.
We were the laughing stock of the entire league.
But you didn't give up.
You kept fighting and now here we are.
Now is the time to prove to yourselves and to everyone out there...
That even though you're locked up...
You are somebody.
The Baugh
You have the opportunity to do something that nobody else thought we could do.
And that's make it to FantasyMania.
To finish the season with our heads held high.
I'll tell you what we're gonna do on Sunday...
We're gonna kick some flaming ass.
We're gonna whoop Coach Rockson all over God's green earth.
And we're going...
to FANTASYMANIA!
*Mustangs Cheers*
Kevin Kelly
Well, Baugh. That was a very inspiring speech.
But the fact of the matter is, the odds are still heavily stacked against you...
Not only do you have to win on Sunday, but the Average Justin's and the Coyotes have to lose.
You have no control over your destiny, Baugh.
The Baugh
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... WHOA!
Kevin Kelly, shut your mouth.
You think the Baugh doesn't know that the odds are stacked against him?
Kevin Kelly
Well... Baugh... to be qui--
The Baugh
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!
The King
Ahh! He's still got it, JR!
The Baugh
The Baugh says this....
On Sunday, the Baugh and the Mustangs can only do one thing.
And that's whoop the Flame's candy asses.
And as far as the Average Justin's and the Coyotes are concerned...
The Baugh says, let the chips fall where they may.
The fact of the matter is... The Baugh is the most dangerous Fantasy Team heading into Week 13... because we have nothing to lose.
Stealthy, you run your mouth about how you're always one of the highest scoring teams on the year...
but you're always a midcarder.
The Baugh says, you are exactly where you belong!
And on Sunday, the Sharks are gonna take a bite out of your candy ass!
The Baugh
And then, there's the Average Justin's.
A cheap, poor man's Average Jen's.
You couldn't hold a candle to Jennifer's run last season and you don't know jack shit about Fantasy Football!
But most importantly, your face looks like a slice of bread!
As far as the Baugh is concerned, the Average Justin's going to FantasyMania is a waste of space.
So you can take your 6th place spot...
turn that sumbitch sideways...
AND STICK IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY ASS!
The Baugh
IF YA SMELLL.......
WHAT THE BAUGH....
IS....
COOKING!
Justin
Well.... at least he wasn't mean.
Justin
Look, I don't care what the Baugh has to say, or what's he's cooking.
The fact is, we're the best position possible.
Take care of our job, win on Sunday, and we're booking our ticket to FantasyMania.
We've gone through it all...
Now, we just have to beat the Outlaws.
Justin
We lost Aaron Rodgers.
Odell Beckham.
And we replaced our starting quarterback with a certified bust.
Justin
Our best running back is an over the hill halfback in a passing offense being outplayed by a rookie..
So I know what you guys are thinking...
Justin
You think we're left for dead.
You think our best days are behind us.
You feared we'd be inactive...
Bottom of the barrel type team.
We've got no stars.
We've got no playmakers.
Quite simply...
We're just average.
Justin
And that's the way we like it.
Justin
Now let's play some dodgeball.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Coach Stealthy
Alright, listen up.
I know we've had our ups and downs.
We've had our disagreements...
But damnit, we're in a position to do something special.
We can go to FantasyMania.
Coach Stealthy
And I wouldn't want to go with another group of individuals than this group right here.
I know I've lost the locker room in some ways...
But I'm here to say I'm sorry.
Coach Stealthy
Russell, I'm sorry.
Coach Stealthy
DeAndre, I'm sorry.
Coach Stealthy
But I have a chance to make it back to FantasyMania.
I've been once before... and it was amazing.
It doesn't matter if we don't like each other.
We don't have to be friends.
We just have to be a team.
And on Sunday, we've got the Sharks standing our way.
Let's get this win and let's go to FantasyMania!
Narrator
On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.
On Sunday, words could not be more true.
3 teams enter Week 13 with playoff aspirations.
The Average Justin's.
The Coyotes.
And the Mustangs.
All fighting for a common goal.
Narrator
Only one team will achieve their dream of playing at year end tournament to determine the 2017 League Champion.
Narrator
Week 13 marks the culmination of a season filled with pain, hardships, injuries, hard work and victories.
For one team, their dedication to the craft of Fantasy Football will pay off.
For others, Sunday will be the end of the line.
Narrator
No matter where your journey takes you...
Life comes full circle.
Only the strong survive in the game of football.
Disputes are settled on the gridiron.
And every Fantasy Manager wants one thing and one thing only....
Narrator
To be the best Fantasy Manager in the entire league.
Narrator
In four nights... we determine our Top Six.
In Washington D.C., the Republicans are outraged at the vote to keep the XFL funded for another season.
Republicans
Rawrawrawrawr
rawrawr!
Things are worst than ever!
We need to take away more human rights!
And we need to defund the XFL!
President Trump
Calm Down... Calm Down...
My Fellow Americans....
I Didn't Want to Have to Resort to This...
But Fine.....
President Trump
I'll Do It Myself.
*Cheers*
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