Lesley Stahl
President Trump, reports have come through various media outlets that Fantasy Managers in the XFL have been threatened by some of your supporters.
Some have even gone as far as to say you're behind the shootings of David Johnson and Greg Olsen.
Is there any truth to these allegations?
President Trump
I'm Very Surprised to Hear That.
I HATE to Hear That.
Lesley Stahl
But you do hear that?
You hear that Trump supporters are threatening the XFL.
President Trump
No, That's Absolutely Not True.
Whoever is Behind These Attacks are Evil.
And I HATE, HATE, Absolutely HATE Evil.
I Hate it So Much.
Lesley Stahl
Is there anything you would like to say to those behind the attacks?
To the man who shot David Johnson last week?
President Trump
I Would Say Don't Do It.
I am Very Saddened to Hear David Johnson was Shot.
If It Helps, I Will Say This.
And I'll Say it to the Camera.
STOP IT!
Stop Shooting People.
It is Not Right.
It is Not Okay.
And I Will Stop at Nothing to Stop These Killers From Killing.
President Trump
Balor.
Bring Me Howard's Head.
Narrator
For some Fantasy Managers, 2017 has been a rough year.
Take former WCC Superstar Nick Wong for an example.
A once promising Fantasy career in the West Coast Cousins has been reduced to shambles since his 2016 FantasyMania loss to the T.C. Titans.
Now a days, Nick Wong goes by the street name "Bubbles" and can be found collecting welfare in the streets of San Francisco.
Having failed to win a playoff game in the West Coast Cousins, Nicholas did not renew his contract with the league for the 2017 season.
Branded as a quitter, Nick and his friend from Cameron House look to sell scrap metal on this Wednesday afternoon.
Bubbles
Come on Johnny, this hunk of metal is good for a few hundred bucks.
Bubbles loses control of his shopping cart down a steep San Francisco hill.
The shopping cart hits the car of a Fantasy Manager.
The incident infuriates the Fantasy Manager who pushes Johnny onto his car with a gun to his head.
Marlo Stealthy exits the building to see the commotion.
Marlo Stealthy
What's up?
Fantasy Manager
Look what they did to my ride!
Marlo Stealthy
Well do it or don't.
I got some place to be.
The Fantasy Manager lets Johnny up.
Bubbles
Thank you for your kindness.
Fantasy Manager
Y'all gotta pay something!
Anything! Gotta be a principle here.
Bubbles
Look, we a little insufficient right now.
Okay? We're on our way to the metal man.
We'll come back and pay for everything.
I promise you.
The Fantasy Manager elects to take their pants.
Johnny
Man, you shoulda put Fantasy points on that guy, Nick.
Bubbles
With what?
I ain't got no fantasy team no more.
Johnny
Well maybe you shouldn't have quit the WCC, Bubs.
Neil Everett
ESPN Breaking News from the XFL.
Rookie standout Kareem Hunt of the Permian Panthers traded to the Mean Machine for Antonio Brown.
Neil Everett
Kareem Hunt exploded for 40 points in Week 1.
Neil Everett
And Antonio Brown, arguably the best WR in the league and without question one of the best Fantasy Football players in the entire league will be playing for Coach Covfefe.
We go to Adam Schefter for more information on this blockbuster trade.
Adam Schefter
Neil, my sources have indeed confirmed that Antonio Brown has been traded for Kareem Hunt.
This is a huge trade that shakes up the entire West Coast Cousins.
My sources tell me that these two teams negotiated for hours and decided to pull the trigger on the trade.
Neil Everett
Thanks Adam, that update gave us absolutely no new information, whatsoever.
Our continuing coverage of ESPN continues here on Sportscenter.
After the break, we'll talk about who is behind the shooting of the Outlaw players, David Johnson and Greg Olsen.
But first, we compare Kobe Bryant to an actual Black Mamba.
How does the NBA legend stack up?
We go to our NBA insider, Chris Broussard for more.
Chris Broussard
Well Neil, when you look at the nature of Kobe Bryant, you have to give the size advantage to Kobe Bryant. Kobe stands at 6'6" where as a Black Mamba can grow up to 14'.
We know a Black Mamba's bite is vicious and can lead to venom poisoning.
From what we can tell, Kobe's bite is likely not to cause any type of poisoning that we know of.
Overall, we're gonna have to give the edge to Kobe Bryant because he has a longer lifespan than a Black Mamba.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Molly Wood
Welcome back to First Take.
Let's talk about the Kareem Hunt/Antonio Brown trade.
Which team got the better of the deal, Stephen A.?
Stephen A. Smith
Well Molly, when you try and evaluate this trade, there's absolutely no question.
You have to look a number of factors.
How many fantasy points will your player produce?
How will your locker room fit in with a new player?
A player may produce in one system, but that doesn't necessarily mean they'll succeed in a new scheme.
But if you have to pick right now, I think that the Mean Machine absolutely won in this deal.
We're talking about the best Fantasy player through 2 weeks in Kareem Hunt.
A relatively unknown name going into the season, Kareem Hunt has catapulted his way to the top of the headlines.
There's no doubt in my mind, Mean Machine desperately needed a running back and Coach Jesse filled this need with flying colors.
He added the best back in the entire league this season, Molly.
Skip Bayless
Stephen A. Smith, I respectfully disagree.
You could not be more wrong about this trade.
Coach Covfefe has incredible foresight and you're not looking at the big picture here.
It is the basic principle of stocks.
Buy low and sell high.
Kareem Hunt's stock could not be higher after Week 1.
40 points a week is not a realistic expectation for Kareem Hunt.
Covfefe drafted Kareem Hunt in the 11th round.
Coach Covfefe essentially traded an 11th round pick for a 1st round pick in Antonio Brown.
Antonio Brown has proven that he is a consistent Fantasy option and will continue to be a producer of Fantasy Points.
Kareem Hunt's sample size is far too small and while he is definitely better than an 11th round pick, he is no Antonio Brown in the long term.
Yes, Kareem Hunt has out produced Antonio Brown through 2 weeks, but talk to me in Week 10.
Antonio Brown is a proven Superstar.
Kareem Hunt is a flash in the pan.
Covfefe now has the receiving core in the league with Antonio Brown, Mike Evans and Rob Gronkowski.
And not to mention, when Doug Martin returns from suspension, Covfefe will have the most rounded team in the entire league en route to this 4th League Championship title.
Molly Wood
Let's move on now to talk about the other match ups in Week 3.
The surprising early season rise of the Mud Dogs have placed Howard's Team in first place in the Yahoo Power Rankings.
Will Howard continue to be this season's surprise team? Or will the Dak Street Boys shut down the Mud Dogs?
Stephen A. Smith
Molly, I can't speak to the long term prospect of the Mud Dogs being contenders this season, but I do like Howard's Team this week.
LeSean McCoy will continue to play well.
Ty Montgomery has been everything and more for the Mud Dogs.
I think Howard's Team has drafted well and we won't see a fall off until later in the season when bye weeks come in or injuries start to pile up.
I'm taking the Mud Dogs this week.
Coach Howard will remain in first place.
Skip Bayless
That is absolutely ludicrous Stephen A.
You are picking a historically bad Fantasy Football team against a former two time Champion in the Dak Street Boys?
I'll give it to you that Dak Prescott has been subpar so far early on in the season.
But there is no doubt in my mind, Dak Prescott will have an incredible year.
Michael Crabtree is better than Amari Cooper.
Joyce will dethrone Howard from the top spot this week, mark my words.
And as far as the Championship game is concerned.
I'm taking Coach Ken and the T.C. Titans over The Baugh's Mustangs.
Stephen A. Smith
Well, Skip. In that instance I would like to agree with you.
Coach Ken and the T.C. Titans are clearly the superior team to the Baugh's Mustangs.
The Baugh's team has so far looked like the worst team in the league with early draft busts in Dez Bryant, AJ Green, Kelvin Benjamin and Christian McCaffrey.
The Baugh looks more suited for wrestling John Seana and catching Vin Diesel, then befriending Vin Disel, than he does as a Fantasy Football Coach.
But since this is a debate show, I must take The Baugh and the Mustangs to surprise Coach Ken and the T.C. Titans in my upset of the week.
Molly Wood
Speaking of draft busts, the Thundering Herd have reportedly elected to bench their starting quarterback Cam Newton in favor of Jay Cutler.
After back to back poor performances by Cam Newton, is Coach Victor justified in making the switch to Jay Cutler, who has a favorably matchup against the New York Jets this week?
Reporter
Cam, barring a last minute lineup change, it appears you'll be taking a seat on the bench this week for the Thundering Herd.
Do you respect Coach's decision and has he communicated anything with you?
Cam Newton
*Shrugs*
I go out there to play football.
I play for my teammates and I play for my team.
If Coach don't want me to play, I can't really say anything about that.
I know I can help this team win and I know I'm better than Jay.
Reporter
Can you help this team win, though?
If you scored just a little more than 2 points last week, you would've beaten the Mean Machine.
As a former MVP, it must be disheartening that you've fallen from grace over the past 2 seasons.
Cam Newton
What's the question?
Reporter
Cam, Cam, Cam.
If Coach Victor has started Jason Witten or Chris Thompson or essentially anyone off the bench, the Thundering Herd would be 2-0 right now and a quarterback change might not have taken place.
What do you think of the job Coach has done so far?
Cam Newton
I don't know.
That was Coach's decision.
Assistant Coach
Are you sure you want to go with Jay?
Coach Victor
Absolutely this is the right decision.
We have to inspire the locker room.
Veterans will respect us if we aren't afraid to make changes.
In order to beat Sarcastaball this week, we have to score more Fantasy Points.
And how are we going to score more Fantasy Points?
By starting players that will score more points.
Holding 3 TEs on our team was a mistake.
That's why I cut those other 2 assholes this week.
Starting Jay Cutler definitely won't be a mistake.
I had to pick up Jay Cutler.
Some fucker already added Trevor Siemian.
Assistant Coach
Why didn't you add him?
Coach Victor
I was sleeping!
I don't have time to stay up all night adding players off of free agency.
What am I? Some loser who watches the waiver wire and makes up storylines?
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Coach Stealthy is running practice with the Coyotes after falling to 0-2.
Russell Wilson
Hey, Coach.
Those shady looking characters over there want to speak to you.
But I'll tell them to buzz off if you want me to Coach.
Coach Stealthy
That's alright, Russell.
I'll speak to them.
Russell Wilson
Well give me a signal if you want me to alert the authorities.
I have the police on speed dial.
Coach Stealthy
What do you guys want?
I don't have any more roster spots on the team.
Marlo Stealthy
Roster spots?
We don't want to join your Fantasy Team.
We wanna take over.
Coach Stealthy
What?
Marlo Stealthy
See, the way I figure.
You've got one of the best Fantasy Teams in the past few seasons.
2014 points leader.
2nd in points in 2015.
Playoffs in 2016.
But no rings to show for it.
I think it's time for new management.
Coach Stealthy
Get out!
I've been coaching Fantasy Football for many, many years.
And if you think I'm just gonna hand over my Fantasy team to you...
Marlo Stealthy
I don't want your Fantasy Team.
Just some of the players.
See, you mismanage your players.
You coddle certain players, you've got a vicious defense, but you cater to your quarterback.
Some of the other guys, they don't like that.
Maybe you should go with Alex this week.
Coach Stealthy
Don't tell me what to do.
I know what you are and what you do.
Marlo Stealthy
What am I?
I'm just offering you some friendly advice.
A loss to Covfefe would leave you at 0-3.
After that, you may have no choice but to hand over the keys.
Think about it, Coach.
I'll be Waiting.
Minh Wyatt
Imagine a world.
A world free from the sinners.
The enslavers.
A world free from the leeches.
The bottom feeding dwellers that poison our world.
Imagine a world with utopian-like paradise.
Minh Wyatt
I can bring you that world.
No more black and white.
No more areas of grey.
Listen to me, when I tell you....
We can live in a world of harmony.
Minh Wyatt
But first, a period of reckoning must take place.
A genocide of the weak.
The incapable must be left behind if we are to live in a world where only the strong survive.
Follow me and I will erase the black from our history.
Leaving only white.
The Superior Fantasy Managers will remain.
And then....
And only then...
We will reach perfection in our world.
But you ask....
How?
How will we erase the weak?
How will we eliminate those who cannot?
How will we eviscerate those who stand in our way?
Minh Wyatt
What if I told you...
I was in possession of a single element that can change the landscape of our League forever?
Hahahahaha.....
You see I am holding what one would consider to be...
A Fantasy Stone.
Follow....
The Buzzards....
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