West Coast Cousins Fantasy Football: The Waiver Wire Episode 5

Gavin Newsom

Members of the senate judiciary committee,

I stand before you today to present to you a crisis that is facing our country.

Health insurance is a fundamental right.

As Governor of California, we believe all Americans should have free health care.

Which is why I am proposing a bill to give free health coverage to

all undocumented illegal immigrants.

Senator Murphy

Free health coverage to all undocumented non-citizens?

Governor, are you actually suggesting that this is a fair deal?

We will open the floor to vote.

But I don't think you should expect promising results.

Senator Schumer

Governor, what you just proposed, was one of the most insanely idiotic

proposals that I have ever heard.

At no point in your incoherent bill do I see an example of a fair trade.

Everyone in this room is now facing serious health concerns after hearing you talk.

The congressional hearing rules to veto your bill, 7-6.

May God have mercy on your soul.

Gavin Newsom

A simple no would've been just fine.

But they had to rip my ass to shreds in there.

I thought the deal was fair.

This is a no trade deal country, Norman.

Jesus, what am I gonna do now?

Norman Wilson

I wouldn't fret about it boss.

Have you seen the news?

Sounds like President Trump is in more hot water than you are.

There's rumblings of an impeachment after all this fuss about Ukraine.

Gavin Newsom

I can't believe it, Norman.

This is it. This is the shot we've been waiting for.

We can bring the President down while the whole world is watching.

Attacking the President over the homeless crisis in California

will be the final blow to President Trump.

And then... I announce to the world that I'm running in 2020.

"A man without a country." - Jesse Barksdale

The Hiz's music hits to kick off Wednesday Night Preview.

The Hiz

Philadelphia, I have been patient.

I really have.

I have shown time and time again, that I belong.

I proved it last year when I made it to FantasyMania.

I proved it again this season when I showed up to the Fantasy Draft.

And not only did I draft well... but I drafted players that

you didn't even know that I knew about!

Marquise Brown, Christian Kirk, Kerryon Johnson.

The Hiz

Sleeper picks that you didn't think I was capable of.

And now here I am, 3-1.

Among the elite Fantasy Managers of this league.

But do I get this Superstar treatment?

Of course not.

The Hiz

Well frankly, I'm sick and tired of this.

I've waited long enough.

I want my WCC Championship match!

And I want it tonight!

*Crowd Cheers*

Vic Moxley appears on the titantron.

Vic Moxley

Hahaha... Hiz...

I applaud you, no I really do.

You've exceeded expectations and you continue to do so.

So I don't blame you.

You want the gold.

You want the Championship title.

Any man in your position would want the same thing.

Vic Moxley

But let this be a message to you and the rest of the West Coast Cousins.

Ever since I stepped foot in that WCC Ring, I've been underappreciated.

I've been treated like a mid-carder.

But every year, I come up with a funny team name.

Every year, I work my ass off.

Put on a show for the so-called "WCC Universe."

And what do I get in return?

Vic Moxley

This year, I told the entire league, that I wanted to trade Saquon Barkley.

I made topic after topic about it.

I had a deal on the table 4-5 times.

And every single time, the rest of the league vetoed it.

So screw it. If you don't want me in the WCC.

Then that's fine.

I'll find a new home!

Vic Moxley

This Fantasy League needs a face lift.

We're not reading the history books anymore.

We're writing them.

We're on a mission to knock the pillars of this industry on their ass.

Hiz, you aren't getting a title shot this Sunday.

In fact, no Fantasy Manager in the WCC is getting a shot this Sunday.

Because I am announcing to the world...

That I have officially joined All Fantasy Wrestling.

And I've taken the WCC Championship with me.

This is what you call... a paradigm shift.

Michael Cole

Wh-what...?

What is Vic Moxley talking about, King?

What does this mean?

The King

I think Vic Moxley just quit the West Coast Cousins.

He's jumped ship to a rival Fantasy League.

Michael Cole

What about the WCC Championship?

Michael Cole

Wait a minute!

From out of no where!

Chris Vinson with the surprise attack on The Hiz!

Michael Cole

Adding insult to injury!

The Walls of Vinson on The Hiz!

Come on! Somebody stop this!

This is uncalled for!

Chris Vinson
Listen up, jackasses.
This is an official declaration of war.
The West Coast Cousins is no longer the only rodeo in town.
We're here to compete and we will take no prisoners.
AFW is here to stay!
Let this be your first and last warning.
The West Coast Cousin's time is up.

Chris Vinson drops the mic and leaves through the crowd.

Michael Cole
Jerry, this is insane.
All hell has broken loose on Wednesday Night Preview.
Not only has Vic Moxley jumped ship, but so has Chris Vinson!
What is next, King?
We have to cut to commercial break.

*Commercial*

*Commercial*

Det. Minh

Detective Carson, that's a confirmation.

We have another body found in the vacant row houses in the Tenderloin.

This one, appears to belong to former NFL Player, Warren Sapp.

Chris Carson

Warren Sapp?

He was running a package out of his store for Kevlo Stanfield.

Is Stanfield covering up his track?

Det. Minh

I don't doubt it.

Question is, how can we prove it?

Det. Tai arrives on the scene.

Det. Tai

Minh, you're not gonna believe it.

Det. Minh

Detective McLuu.

How can I help you?

Det. Tai

I just got a report of a drive-by shooting.

Appears a car licensed to a Shanice Barksdale's name was found shot up.

Records show, the car belongs to Jesse Barksdale's aunt.

And I believe he was a target of a hit.

By none other than Kevlo Stanfield.

Det. Minh

The Fantasy Managers are warring with one another?

You know what that means?

The chickens have come home to roost.

If we do this right, we can get them all.

Kevlo Stanfield, Jesse Barksdale, Kenneth Bell, Prop Vinny and Rocksonberg.

Every single major player that has been plaguing our street corners.

Det. Minh

If we do this again, we have to do it right.

Can't be no more mistakes.

This time, a Seattle cousin has to win it all.

Otherwise, it's not worth doing.

Det. Tai

Let's do it, Minh.

Let's go get these sons of bitches.

*Commercial*

Jesse Barksdale
To his Fantasy Team:

So we just gonna sit back and wait on it.

Let them sweat on it.

Kenneth Bell walks in.

Kenneth Bell

Yo, Jes. We need to talk.

Jesse Barksdale

Hold on!
...

So Kevlo, he gotta come out his corners.

That's how he make money, right?

We gonna see who got the stronger Fantasy Team.

Kenneth Bell

Jesse.

An annoyed Jesse Barksdale dismisses the meeting.

Kenneth Bell

Straight to the waiver wire huh?

Jesse Barksdale

Whatever man. What you want?

Kenneth Bell

War?
Man, we past that bullshit.

Jesse Barksdale

Ah, yeah.

I forgot. I knew I forgot something.

We the Trump Brothers.

Kenneth Bell

Man, if you don't give this shit up.

We gonna turn everything we built to shit.

Jesse Barksdale

... The Chump Brothers.

You know what the difference is between me and you?

I bleed red. You bleed green.

What you been building for us? Huh?

Jesse Barksdale

You know, I look at you these days.
You know what I see?
I see a man without a country.
Not hard enough for this right here.
And maybe, just maybe, not smart enough for them out there.

Kenneth Bell
Not hard enough?

Jesse Barksdale
No offense.
I don't think you ever really were.
Now, you got skills. No doubt.
But...

Kenneth Bell
But what?
Cause I don't shoot up a block, indiscriminate.
I ain't hard enough?
Huh? Because I think before I snatch a life,
I ain't in this bullshit?

Jesse Barksdale
Chuckle:
Snatch a life?
What life you snatch, huh?

Kenneth Bell
You know, Brianna went downtown.
Saw that detective.
Man stoking her head, talking about D'justin's death was no suicide.

Jesse Barksdale
Yeah? So?

Kenneth Bell
Man ain't wrong about that.

Jesse Barksdale
... What?

Kenneth Bell
... yeah.
Knew you couldn't do it.
Brianna wouldn't do that shit.
But there go a life that had to be snatched, Jesse.

Kenneth Bell
Yo, man.
I took that shit off of you and put it on me, man.
Because that mother fucker was out of pocket with that shit.
20 years above his fucking head.
If he flips, they got you, me and fucking Brianna.
No fucking way, man.

Kenneth Bell
No way. Hell no.
And I know you, that's family.
You got love for him.
But you wanna talk that blood is thicker than water, bullshit.
Take that shit somewhere else, mother fucker.
That mother fucker would've taken down the whole fucking show.
Starting with you, killa!