Wednesday, September 18, 2024

WCC No Way Holmes: Episode 3 - Freedom


Earth-1930


Agent Wayne
Edward Nigma.
How does it feel? To know that all those games, taunting the police.
All for nothing.
You've told your last riddle, Nigma.


Edward Nigma
...ha ha ha!
All for nothing? You sure about that?
Agent Wayne, the World's Greatest Detective.
Yet, he's blind as a bat.


Agent Wayne
I don't know about the World's Greatest Detective,
but I do know that I am this League's #1 Fantasy Manager.
The man who caught The Riddler serial killer.

Edward Nigma
But did you catch us all...?
Maybe... just maybe... there's more than one Riddler.
Did you think of that? Hmm?
The REVOLUTION continues...
AND SOON... all worlds will collide!


Edward Nigma
HE is coming for us!
HE is COMING for YOU!
HA! HA! HA!
HEAR ME NOW....
He will come for this world.
And he will set us free.
TICK... TOCK... TICK... TOCK, Agent Wayne.
The time will come.


Agent Wayne
You're insane, Nigma.
Seek help.

Edward Nigma
Help is on the way.... dark knight.


Earth-415


The Riddler
People of San Francisco, you have failed to hold your leaders accountable.
So now, it's left to me.
Your city has GONE TO HELL!
CRIME... DRUGS...
ECONOMIC INEQUALITY!
The CORRUPTION!
So I ask, how can you people live like this?
THIS CITY IS STARVING!
And it's getting so bad, that they'll start eating the pets...
Or better YET... maybe the hungry DOGS will start eating their OWNERS!


The Riddler
San Francisco, an uprising is upon us!
KILL THE MASTERS!
FREE YOURSELVES!
Because if you won't fix your city... then I will.
How many local politicians and corrupt leaders
do I have to put to sleep before you people WAKE UP!
The City by the Bay... if you do not act... I will do it for you.
By the end of the season, if you do not clean up these dirty streets,
I WILL FLOOD THE ENTIRE CITY AND START ANEW!
Now THAT is what I call a RENEWAL Project.
The choice is yours...


Alfred
Is this another message from the Riddler, Master Wayne?

Alexander Wayne
He posted it onto the dark web.
Soon, it'll be all over the news.
Alfred, I have to stop this madman.

---------------------------------------------------
Alexander Waynes's Objective:
Stop the Riddler's Renewal Project
(Finish Top 3 in Regular Season Scoring)
---------------------------------------------------

Alfred
With all due respect, Master Wayne, I think you're missing the bigger picture.
We don't belong here.
The Riddler doesn't belong in this world.
How do you plan on solving that?

Alexander Wayne
I have to stop him first. Then we'll figure out how to get home.
One step at a time, Alfred.



WEST COAST COUSINS
NO WAY HOLMES

Episode Three - Freedom


We open Week 3 with the Fox River escapees.


Captain Covfefe
Pick it up, team.
They're on our tail!


Narrator
The Fox River guards are quickly on the trail of the convicts.

Captain Covfefe
This way!
If we catch the train, they won't be able to follow us!


Covfefe jumps a fence and proceeds to help his team get over.


Lalo Salamanca
The train... it's too fast.

Mark Andrews
Go through it.


As Covfefe helps his team onto the train,
he notices Captain Justin Tucker holding a shotgun.

Captain Tucker
Freeze!
I will gun you down Andrews!


Covfefe pulls Andrews onto the train,
just as Tucker fires off a round as he scores 13 points.


The inmates get through the train,
as Captain Covfefe is forced to add a kicker to his team.

Captain Covfefe
That was close.


Lalo Salamanca
What happened to your plan, amigo?
We were supposed to have an hour head start!
Now they're right behind us.

Mark Andrews
And your plane was supposed to take us to Mexico...

Lalo Salamanca
Don't put this on me.
You screwed up the entire plan, this is on you, Andrews.


Mark Andrews
I got us over the wall.

Lalo Salamanca
Not good enough.

Mark Andrews
Well you were welcome to not come along.


Captain Covfefe
That's enough!
We'll talk about this when we're in a secure location...
Until then, I need the two of you to keep it together.
...
Where is Olave?


Mark Andrews
He was with us before the train...


Lalo Salamanca
I thought receivers could run.
But hey, better him than us, you know?


Captain Covfefe
Guys... stay sharp.
We're not alone.


Captain Tucker
Nobody move!
They're over here!


From out of nowhere,
Chris Olave comes flying in and outscores Justin Tucker, scoring 19.50.


Captain Covfefe
Olave... where did you get those wings?


Falcon
It's good to see you, Cap.
But I hate to break it to you, I'm not Chris Olave.
My name is Nico Collins and I'm from another world.


Dollar Discount Team improves to 1-1
as he jumps to 5th place.

Nico 'Falcon' Collins
Come on, I don't have time to explain.
We've got to go, now!
 
*Commercial*


*Commercial*


Earth-1962

Narrator
In Earth-1962,
Christopher Parker has been living his new life in a small town in Alabama.
Oblivious to his previous life, Christopher Parker takes his Aunt May to church.


Narrator
As is customary for this local church,
the new Reverend welcomes all to join the church's Fantasy Football League.
But before the draft begins, the church holds an annual potluck to celebrate.


Pastor Alex Wayne
Hello there!
My name is Pastor Alex Wayne and I will be the church's new reverend.

Aunt May
Pleased to meet you, Pastor Wayne.
My name is Maybelle Parker-Jameson.
These two are my niece and nephew, Teresa and Christopher Parker.

Pastor Alex Wayne
It is truly a blessing to meet you all.
And Chris, will you be joining the annual Fantasy Football League?
A portion of the winnings is donated to the church.
It's for a good cause.


Christopher Parker
Um, yeah. Sure.
We don't have a lot of money, but I'm hoping to win some.
I've never played Fantasy Football before.

Pastor Alex Wayne
Oh, it's real simple, Christopher.
What we do in this league is called a Salary Draft.
We're all allocated $200 and bid on players.
And I'll tell you what, Chris, you should keep an eye out for Christian McCaffrey.
He was a bonafide stud last season.
That's who I'm targeting with my money.
With a name like Christian, what could go wrong?

Christopher Parker
Gee, thanks for the tip reverend.

Pastor Alex Wayne
Oh, there's just one more thing.
A money that you don't spend in the Salary Cap Draft,
it gets carried over to your FAAB budget. So keep that in mind.

Christopher Parker
Will do.


Pastor Alex Wayne
So, what do we have here?



Aunt May
It's a family recipe.
Chicken Liver braised in garlic and lemon.
I hope you like it.



Pastor Alex Wayne
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness.


Narrator
Before the draft begins, the congregation watches
as Pastor Wayne helps himself to a plate of food.


Narrator
The new pastor looks back awkwardly and smiles.
As he continues to pile on his plate, he suddenly stops.


Narrator
He stares at the plate of chicken livers from Aunt May.


Pastor Alex Wayne
Friends...


Pastor Alex Wayne
Before we draft, I just have one thing to say.


Pastor Alex Wayne
There's no doubt, we're all humbled people, gathered here.
Y'all been awful nice to me and
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the welcome.
But friends, the poor soul who brung in them chicken livers, in that beat up plate.


Pastor Alex Wayne
Well, let's just say I'm inspired to preach on it before we eat.
Sure, some of us better off than others.
And I see plenty of... white meat.
And red meat laid out on this table.


Pastor Alex Wayne
And I suspect that the folks that brought them plates in,
eat mighty good sometimes.
But poor people, got to bring what they can afford.
So them organs, is a sign to me.
Telling me that I should, as the new preacher of this church,
sacrifice myself so that y'all can have a share of the good meat tonight.


Pastor Alex Wayne
And that's what I'm gonna do, friends.
I'm gonna eat these organs, cause I model myself
after the good Lord Jesus, whenever he gives me the chance.
And today, He has blessed me with another opportunity
to follow in His foot steps.

Congregation
Amen!


Christopher Parker
Now don't you worry about that low life no good Pastor, Aunt May.
I bet he ain't got two nickels to rub together.

Aunt May
I ain't never been so embarrassed in all my life.
I could've croaked under the table.

Christopher Parker
I'm gonna go talk to him.

Aunt May
No, Chris. None of that.
He sure ain't the preacher I was hoping for.


Christopher Parker
May, that ain't no preacher.
He's about as bad as they got on the damn radio.
Heck, I bet he just wanted them chicken livers all for his ownself,
that's why he did that, you see the way he was gobbling them down?
But you don't worry, May.
I'm gonna win that Fantasy League and I'm gonna take home the prize money.
I put a lot of money on the line and I intend to take it all.
I think I'm playing the Preacher this week too.
I'll show him how the Parker's play Fantasy Football.
What kind of preacher does Fantasy Football, anyhow?
I bet he's checking his Fantasy Team between sermons.
That man ain't no good, he's as crooked as they come.

*Commercial*


*Commercial*


Earth-415


William Stryker
It's good to have you home, Wolverine.
Weapon X will rise once again.


William Stryker
Wolverine, together we will accomplish great things.
The season is young and opportunity is within our grasp.
And all you need.. is a little extra motivation.


William Stryker
Commence Operation Zero Tolerance.


Earth-1887


Harry Kellar
Are either of you two gentlemen, sailors?

Alexander Wayne
No.

The Great Kevan
Nope.

Harry Kellar
I'm sure you both can tie a strong knot.


Maureen is lowered into the water tank.

Narrator
Alfred's Magic Show has performed this stunt dozens of times.
And tonight is like any other night.
Yahoo Projections predict a 95% chance of success.


Narrator
But something has gone wrong.
Maureen is unable to slip the knot.


Narrator
She pleads for help, smacking the glass tank as hard as she can.
Alfred runs onto the stage with an axe in hand.
He smashes the tank, but is unable to break it open.
Maureen is drowning.


Narrator
Finally, the tank breaks as Maureen collapses onto the stage.

The Great Kevan
No, no... no! No!
Hey! Hey!


The Great Kevan
Maureen! Maureen!


Maureen....


Maureen....


MAUREEN!


Earth-415


In a fit of rage, Kevan breaks free from captivity.


He charges Stryker, stabbing him with his claws.


Kevan
This is what you wanted, huh?
I'm the Fantasy Manager you always dreamed of?
Look at what you've made!
Look at the animal you've created.


William Stryker
Look at you go, Kevan.
104.26 points in Week 2, a monster game from James Cook and Calvin Ridley.
Maybe your season isn't dead on arrival after all.
Look at what you've done, look at the rage. You need me, Kevan.
I gave you that extra boost to win in Week 2.
But I've got news for you, I didn't turn you into an animal.
You were always an animal... I just gave you some claws.


From out of nowhere, Minhneto appears,
lifting Kevan into the air.


Minhneto
Here we are yet again, Kevan.
The never ending battle between Charles and I.
It's exhausting, isn't it?

Kevan
....
Grrr... it's exhausting being an asshole, isn't it?


Minhneto
Such a shame. A Fantasy Manager with your potential.
And you waste it, fighting for the wrong side.
Fighting for the humans.
Imagine if we were on the same side, Kevan.
Imagine what we could accomplish?
But alas, you keep standing in my way of a League Championship.
It's time I finally put an end to it all.
It's time the West Coast Cousins felt my wrath!


Minhneto sends Wolverine flying into the river.


William Stryker
..Minhneto.
Thank goodness you're here-


Minhneto sends a chain wrapping around Stryker's neck.



Minhneto
And then there's you...
I never liked you, Stryker.
Last season, we had a common enemy. A common goal.
But our partnership has come to an end.
You're the worst of mankind, William.
And I am done allowing people like you to be in positions of power.
Those days are over.

William Stryker
You'll never be accepted, Minhneto.
People will fear you.
And if you kill me, you'll only prove them right.
Their fear will become justified.
You'll start an all out war.

Minhneto
I'm counting on it.



Minhneto
Humanity should fear us.
We are the superior species.
We are the future.
And if my actions are the result of war, so be it.
Someone must cast the first stone.
Why not I?
Let this be the first step towards a Championship Reign!


Minhneto tightens the chain,
killing William Stryker.

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