Narrator
In an unknown universe, we find Kang the Conqueror quietly enjoying
the sound of peace as he sits alone, waiting for his next move.
Justinmonger
What'chu reading there, Conqueror?
Kang the Conqueror
The Time Machine.
By H.G. Wells.
Justinmonger
Any good?
Kang the Conqueror
It has its inaccuracies.
But I'm holding out for a happy ending.
Justinmonger
Hansen said you wanted to speak with me.
He interrupted me with D'Vincent.
Kang the Conqueror
Detective D'Vincent is dead.
Justinmonger
But you said I could take him.
Kang the Conqueror
And you will. In due time.
Justinmonger
Hesitant:
What did you want to talk to me about?
Kang the Conqueror
I felt an anomaly in Earth-1129.
There was an incursion before you arrived.
What do you know of this?
Justinmonger
Justinmonger
Yeah, I saw something.
When I arrived, I found D'Vincent, but he wasn't alone.
John Seana was there, along with a Chinese man.
Kang the Conqueror
A Chinese man?
Justinmonger
Yeah.
Kang the Conqueror
Kang the Conqueror
What happened to the Chinese man?
Justinmonger
He took Seana and they verse jumped to another universe.
Kang the Conqueror
And you didn't think to stop him?
Justinmonger
Justinmonger
Nah... I was there for D'Vincent.
Why? Who is this Chinese guy?
Kang the Conqueror
An old friend. Ouroboros.
Do you realize, that you've just let the most dangerous
multi-versal being out of your grasps?
Justinmonger
Who? That little guy?
Shit. We can go to his universal right now and I'll kill him myself.
Kang the Conqueror
We can't.
He's in a universe protected by the Dark Gate.
I can't get in there. Not until the gate is broken.
Kang gets up to leave.
Justinmonger
Where you going?
Kang the Conqueror
Kang the Conqueror
I've got some place to be.
Justinmonger
But what about this Ouroboros guy?
Kang the Conqueror
Kang the Conqueror
What about him?
Justinmonger
Don't you want to find him?
Kang the Conqueror
Kang the Conqueror
When the time is right, he'll find me.
WEST COAST COUSINS
NO WAY HOLMES
FantasyMania XVI Championship:
Dollar Discount Team vs. Alex's Awesome Team
Dollar Discount Team vs. Alex's Awesome Team
WCC Championship Match
[5] Dollar Discount Team (8-6)
vs.
[3] Alex's Awesome Team (8-6)
Samantha Irvin
The following contest, scheduled for one fall,
is for the 2024 WCC League Championship!
Samantha Irvin
Introducing the 5th seed, from Seattle, Washington.
Weighing in at 220 pounds.
He was Frozen in Time.
Making his 5th FantasyMania Championship appearance,
with a Professional FantasyMania Record of 13 wins and 9 losses.
The Original Cousin.... CAPTAIN COVFEFEEEEEE!
Samantha Irvin
And his opponent... he is the 3rd seed, from Seattle, Washington.
Weighing in at 220 pounds.
Gotham's Guardian.
Making his first FantasyMania Championship appearance,
with a Professional FantasyMania Record of 2 wins and 2 losses.
The World's Greatest Detective... BATMAAAAAAAAN!
Narrator
The finalists face off with an early Wednesday matchup.
The two managers exchange counters, but are unable to land anything of significance
as Joe Mixon scores 3.90 for Alex and Nico Collins scores 5.90 for Covfefe.
Narrator
Brian Thomas Jr. scores 16.90 as Covfefe lands the first significant strike.
Narrator
A disappointing 0.80 from James Conner
as the Cardinal running back is forced out of the game.
Narrator
However, a strong performance from Trey McBride gives Batman 18.30 points.
Narrator
Strong defensive performances from both managers
as Miami defense scores 12 and Tampa Bay scores 14.
Narrator
Justin Herbert with 3 touchdown passes,
as the quarterback scores 24.44.
Narrator
10.90 from Josh Jacobs as Batman, beginning to take control.
Narrator
Touchdown! A.J. Brown!
Batman
Stay down, Rogers.
Batman
I'm not after you.
I just want the Joker, and the man who set him free.
Captain Covfefe
He didn't do it, Wayne.
He didn't set the Joker free, it was a variant.
You have to listen to me.
I didn't make an attempt on Biden's life and he didn't set the Joker free.
Captain Covfefe
Besides... he's my cousin.
Batman
Your cousin is a criminal.
And so are you.
This ends when the two of you are behind bars.
Stay down.
Captain Covfefe gets up.
Captain Covfefe
I can do this all day...
Narrator
Just as Batman is prepared to engage,
we hear MarthaMan's blasters gearing up.
Narrator
The Batman throws a batarang at MarthaMan,
thwarting Stark's attempt to get involved.
Narrator
But the distraction leaves an opening for Captain Covfefe.
18 points and 2 receiving touchdowns from Jalen McMillan.
Narrator
And now as The Batman is down, Captain Covfefe puts the finishing touches.
A touchdown from Jonnu Smith.
Narrator
32.28 points from Jayden Daniels.
Narrator
The Batman, unable to answer back.
He finishes the night with 91.24 total points.
1-2-3!
Captain Covfefe
I think we're done here...
Winner via Pinfall and NEW 2024 League Champion:
Dollar Discount Team
Dollar Discount Team
Narrator
And with that, Captain Covfefe puts the cap on the 2024 Season.
He wins his first Championship since 2011.
And now with a total of 4 League Championships,
he ties Kendrick Stark for the most League titles in West Coast Cousins history.
Narrator
Meanwhile, it is a tough loss for Alexander Wayne.
The Fantasy Manager had an incredible season,
but falls short of breaking the Circle of Champions.
His hunt for his first League Championship will continue next season.
*Police Sirens*
Captain Covfefe
Stark, we've got company.
Deputy Commissioner Foley
We've got these vigilante assholes surrounded.
You see? I knew these heroes couldn't be trusted.
And tonight, we're gonna catch all 3 of them.
The Batman, Marthaman and Captain Covfefe.
Then finally, we can put the age of the superhero to bed.
SFPD
Police! Hands up!
There's no where to go, we've got the entire place surrounded.
Captain Covfefe
How did they know we were here?
Batman
They're after me.
Batman
The Riddler set a trap.
Created footage of a Batman variant killing Chesa Boudin.
So let's say, I believe your story Rogers.
You didn't try to kill the President.
But I had to know if I could trust you.
Captain Covfefe
Stark didn't do it either.
MarthaMan
Yeah... about that.
Unlike the two of you, I actually did set the Joker free.
But I had a perfectly good reason for it.
We see the look of disappointment on Roger's face.
Captain Covfefe
Well, never mind that for now.
We have to figure a way out of here.
Coach Rockson enters the frame.
Coach Rockson
And I've got just the solution in mind...
MarthaMan
Fury?
That's not Nick Fury.
That's a variant of Fury's.
Batman
If he's from another world, then we can't trust him.
Coach Rockson
The way I see it, you don't have much of a choice right now.
Because I see two options.
Leaving this place in handcuffs or fighting your way out of here.
Now from where I'm standing,
neither of those two options sound ideal.
So I'm offering you door number 3.
Come with me to Earth-616.
MarthaMan
Wait, hold on.
Come with you to another universe?
No, I need to make sure my daughter is safe.
No, I need to make sure my daughter is safe.
Coach Rockson
We can monitor Morgan from our world, Stark.
You won't be of much use to her in a jail cell.
Batman
We don't know what we're walking into, Rogers.
Coach Rockson
I understand you all have trust issues, but I'm not your enemy here.
And if you come with me, we can solve the multiverse crisis.... together.
MarthaMan
It's your call, Cap.
Captain Covfefe
Alright, Coach.
We're in. Take us to Earth-616.
Written and Directed by
HERE WE GOOOO
&
ChatGPT
Executive Producer
VINCE GILLIGAN
Executive Producer
PETER GOULD
Executive Producer
KEVIN FEIGE
Executive Producer
***REDACTED***
Executive Producer
BEAU DEMAYO
Earth-5264
(AKA Earth-KANG)
*Crowd Cheers*
Council of Kangs
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
*Tai Rollin's Music Hits*
Council of Kangs
oooohhHH.....OHHHH.....OHHHH.....
oooohhHH.....OHHHH.....OHHHH.....
OHHHH......OHHHH.....
Pat McAfee
These Kangs are going nuts out here, Michael.
Michael Cole
It is thunderous here in Kang Universe!
FantasyMania XVI Main Event underway!
Tai Freakin' Rollins vs. AL-LEX Knight!
Michael Cole, alongside my broadcast partners,
Pat McAfee and Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler.
And Jerry, how do you see the action playing out tonight?
Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler
Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler
It's gonna be a slobberknocker for sure!
Is that how you say it? Slobberknocker?
These Kangs are about the blow the roof off the building tonight.
Pat McAfee
You might want to quiet them down, Conqueror.
Because there are a rambunctious crowd for sure.
Council of Kangs
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler
Oh, there won't be any calming this crowd down.
These fans are going wild and I love it!
Michael Cole
CURB STOMP!
1-2-3!
Winner via Pinfall and NEW 2024 League Champion:
Tai "Freakin" Rollins
Tai "Freakin" Rollins
Samantha Irvin
HERE IS YOUR WINNER.....
AND THE NEW 2024 WCC LEAGUE CHAMPIONNNN....
TAI "FREEEEAKIN" ROLLLLLLINS!!!!
Michael Cole
He's done it! Tai has done it!
For the first time is over a DECADE....
Tai Rollins is the WCC League Champion!
After 13 long years, Rollins is back on top of the mountain!
And now he becomes just the 2nd Fantasy Manager to ever win 4 League Championships!
Michael Cole
For Pat McAfee and Jerry 'The Kang' Lawler, I'm Michael Cole.
Thank you for joining us for this epic season of West Coast Cousins: No Way Holmes!
And as the celebration continues on, we will see you next season
for more multiversal chaos, thank you and goodnight!
*Kangs Cheer*
Council of Kangs
oooohhHH.....OHHHH.....OHHHH.....
oooohhHH.....OHHHH.....OHHHH.....
OHHHH......OHHHH.....
.Council of Kangs
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Council of Kangs
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Cast
Dollar Discount Team Tai Rogers / Captain Covfefe
Alex's Awesome Team Alexander Wayne / Batman
UC Davis Aggies Kendrick Stark / MarthaMan
Rock Reigns Thor Rocksinson
Luke's Lunch Money Scarlet Joyce / Natasha Sherryoff
vincent1469 T'Vincent / Black Manager
Undertaker Kevan / Wolverine
Winged Dragon of Ra Wade Vinson / Vinpool
#7tormsComing Black Baugh
Chuckanuts Minhneto
HERE WE GOOOO John Seana / Peacekeeper
DB University Christopher Parker / Spiderman
Storylines Based On
The Prestige
The Greatest Showman
Prisoners
Prison Break
The Batman
American Psycho
The Devil All the Time
Succession
The Harder They Fall
Oppenheimer
And The Marvel Cinematic Universe
Earth-616
Kang the Conqueror
1091 days.
Kang the Conqueror
That's how long you've been inside these walls...
you know, they told me that you were here.
But I had to come see it for myself.
Donald Trump
And who are you supposed to be?
Kang the Conqueror
Let me get this straight.
You went from being the most powerful man in the world...
to this?
A man, trapped inside a cage.
That's quite the fall from glory.
Donald Trump
I said... who are you?
Kang the Conqueror
I'm the man who can give you the one thing you want...
Donald Trump
Yeah? And what's that?
Kang the Conqueror
Time.
Donald Trump
Heh. Look around you, kid.
All I have is time.
Kang the Conqueror
No. You have me misunderstood, Mr. Trump.
Because you don't know the first thing about Time.
You may have lost in your world...
but, that doesn't mean you have to lose in them all.
Donald Trump
What are you talking about?
Kang the Conqueror
Perhaps, it's better if I show you...
Bret Baier
And now with breaking news.
The Fox News Decision Desk can officially project that
Donald Trump will become the 47th President of the United States.
Martha MacCallum
The former President's comeback will be complete
with a win in Wisconsin, a state that he nearly lost four years ago.
He is now the 2nd President in US history to win non-consecutive terms.
Martha MacCallum
We now go live to Florida where the now President Elect,
Donald Trump, is making his victory speech.
Crowd
USA! USA! USA!
USA! USA! USA!
Lee Greenwood
And I'm proud to be an American
Where at least I know I'm free
And I won't forget the men who died
Who gave that right to me
And I'd gladly stand up next to you
And defend Her still today
'Cause there ain't no doubt
I love this land
God Bless the U.S.A!
Kang the Conqueror
Wow.
I could only imagine what an amazing moment that must have been for you.
Donald Trump
What is this?
Where did you get that footage?
Kang the Conqueror
That footage.... is from the future.
Your future.
Donald Trump
That's impossible...
Kang the Conqueror
Like I said, you don't know the first thing about Time.
Donald Trump
Who are you?
Kang the Conqueror
The name is Kang.
Kang the Conqueror.
Kang the Conqueror
I have a proposition for you.
Kang hands Donald Trump a folder.
Donald Trump
What is this?
Kang the Conqueror
How would you like to be President again?
Donald Trump chuckles as he reads through Project 2025.
Donald Trump
You could not live with your own failure...
where did that bring you?
Donald Trump
Back to me.
President Trump will return in West Coast KANG
