Earth-1887
The Great Kevan
Ladies and gentlemen,
much of what you've seen this season may be termed as 'illusions'
The Great Kevan
Or... entertaining trifles!
The Great Kevan
Alas, I cannot claim this next feat as illusion.
Watch carefully.
You will see no trickery.
The Great Kevan
Merely a technique made famous by Fantasy Football players who simply disappear in the middle of a game.
But do not be alarmed.
What you are about to see... is considered safe.
Kevan launches his hat in the air and falls through the trap door.
However, instead of landing on a mattress, he lands feet first onto the concrete floor.
He looks up in horror to find Alexander Wayne
standing where his double should be.
The opposing magician rises.
Alexander Wayne
Ah.... The Greaaaaaat Kevan!
Alex Wayne humiliates Kevan ahead of their Week 7 matchup.
WEST COAST COUSINS
NO WAY HOLMES
Episode Seven - Everything Bagel
Earth-1968
Scarlet Joyce
Vision darling, you're home!
How was work?
Vision
What an incredibly long day at the paper company!
My boss, Mr. Stark, he was a real pain in my rear end.
If I have to hear him calling my name one more time...
I am going to lose my mind!
Scarlet Joyce
Oh?
Well honey, we definitely don't want you to lose your mind.
*Crowd Laughs*
Scarlet Joyce
I'm sorry to hear that, dear.
But you better get dressed, we're going to be late.
Vision
Late? Late for what?
Scarlet Joyce
Honey, it's our night out.
Did you forget?
Vision
Oh, that's right!
I am so sorry, darling.
But to be quite honest, I am much too tired to go out.
Is there any way we can stay in tonight?
Scarlet Joyce
Oh, I'm afraid we don't have any food at home.
Scarlet Joyce
Besides, I've already asked our friendly neighborhood
babysitter to come watch the kids.
Chris and his sister are already on the way.
Vision
Oh, darn it!
If only there was some type of technology to order food from our telephone
and have it delivered to our door.
*Crowd Laughs*
*Ding Dong*
Scarlet Joyce
Oh! That must be them.
Don't worry honey, I'm sure we'll have a lovely time.
Christopher Parker
Hello Mr. and Mrs. Vision.
Sorry, we're late!
I was finishing up at Martha’s Cafe.
Those bagels aren't going to make themselves!
*Crowd Laughs*
Scarlet Joyce
Nonsense, you're right on time.
The kids are upstairs playing, I'll let them know you're here.
Just make sure they're in bed by 9.
Christopher Parker
Absolutely, Mrs. Vision.
Whatever you need, Theresa and I will make sure it happens.
Theresa Parker
Have a wonderful night!
Scarlet Joyce
Thank you so much, dear.
The two of you are such a blessing.
As Vision and Joyce exit their home,
they notice something strange in the distance.
Vision
What is that?
Scarlet Joyce
...I'm not sure.
Scarlet Joyce
No.
Realizing that it may be some kind of threat,
the Scarlet Joyce takes action and reverses time.
Christopher Parker
Sorry we're late.
I was finishing up at Martha’s Cafe,
Those bagels aren't going to make themselves!
*Crowd Laughs*
Scarlet Joyce
That is quite alright, Chris.
Scarlet Joyce
You know, on second thought, honey.
You may be right after all.
Why don't we stay in for dinner?
The two of you can join us, what do you say?
Christopher Parker
Oh.. um.
I had quite a lot of bagels at work today.
Scarlet Joyce
I'm sure you can find some room for dessert.
Come on, stay. It'll be fun!
???
Reversing time... color me impressed.
But you’re not in control everything, Joyce.
Vision
Honey... something is happening.
Christopher Parker
Mr. Vision!
You're in color...
Vision
As are you, Christopher.
???
I like it this way, don't you?
So much more... vibrant.
Don't you just feel more... alive?
Christopher Parker
I'm sorry... who are you?
Were you expecting some more guests, Mr. and Mrs. Vision?
Vision
Jobu Tupaki...
Jobu Tupaki
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Now I see why they call you the Vision.
You can see it all. He's a keeper, Joyce.
Scarlet Joyce
No... it can't be.
Scarlet Joyce
You… You're...
You're Kang… the Conqueror.
Jobu Tupaki
Wow. Very good.
You're catching on quickly.
Intelligence must run in the family.
Such a power couple. Very cutesy, very demure.
Scarlet Joyce
How?
Why do you look like that?
Jobu Tupaki
What? You don’t like it?
You think you can create an entirely new world,
then make it nice and pretty, put it into a 1960s sitcom.
But I? I’m not allowed to change my appearance?
You may have been able to do some interesting stuff, Witch. But you have a lot to learn.
And in today's age, a man can become a woman if they want.
You shouldn't judge.
Scarlet Joyce
What do you want from me?
Jobu Tupaki
What do I want?
Isn't this what you wanted?
A world in your image.
No more men. That's what you said.
I'm only playing by your rules, Joyce.
Scarlet Joyce
I don't want that anymore.
I've found something better.
Jobu Tupaki
Oh... don't tell me you've become attached?
This make believe world?
The one you made up in your head?
How many people have you enslaved to get what you want?
This is your utopia? Playing house?
Dressing up in your favorite vintage clothing?
It's all a lie, Joyce.
Christopher Parker
I'm sorry.
I still don't understand what's happening.
Jobu Tupaki
Don't you worry about it, Spidey.
It's Joyce's world and we're all just living in it.
Jobu Tupaki places her hand onto Parker's head.
Scarlet Joyce
No... Don't!
It's too late.
Kang shows Christopher Parker the multiverse and all of his variants.
Christopher Parker
What have you done, Joyce?
Jobu Tupaki
No, what have you done, Chris?
I've been watching you,
And you've been a very bad boy, Christopher.
Jobu Tupaki
How many times do you have to fail?
Christopher Parker
Oh God...
Jobu Tupaki
How many times do you have to watch your poor Uncle Ben die?
Jobu Tupaki
Uh oh... his mind is about to snap...
Scarlet Joyce
Stop!
He's going to break...
Christopher Parker's head turns into confetti.
Jobu Tupaki
Too late.
Jobu Tupaki
So, now that the pest is gone.
Let's talk about you.
Let's talk about how you managed to get to this world.
Let me know when I'm getting warm.
The Book of Vishanti.
You were looking for a way to eliminate all men, when you came across the book.
But last season didn't go so well for you, did it?
Finished 3-11 and failed to complete your objective.
Jobu Tupaki
But this season, you're doing much better.
2nd place, 5-1 with a Fantasy Team in position to make a playoff run.
You found a way to Verse Jump.
Then you ended up in Earth-1968 and enslaved all these people.
Like I said, I’m impressed.
Jobu Tupaki
You even created your very own 'Vision.'
That's powerful. Beautiful, really.
Scarlet Joyce
How do you know all of this?
Jobu Tupaki
I've been watching you too.
I’ve been watching it all.
Watching you make a mess of the multiverse.
Let me guess, you have no idea how to get back to your own world, do you?
Or maybe you don't want to?
After all, look at what you've created.
Do you even know what you're doing?
Hopping around universes with no clue of the ramifications.
It's dangerous.
Jobu Tupaki
But what if I could teach you?
Better yet, what if I can bring you to the real Vision?
One that you don't have to make up with your mind.
Scarlet Joyce
What do you want?
Jobu Tupaki
I want you.
The Scarlet Joyce, by my side.
A strong man needs a strong woman.
A queen.
Outer Heaven needs you.
You're an Omega Level Fantasy Manager, Joyce.
And if you help me, I will give you everything.
Vision. Your children.
I will give you a life worth living.
A world where the real Vision and your real children exist.
No more fantasy. No more lies. Just the truth.
Scarlet Joyce
You want me to destroy everything...
Jobu Tupaki
No. I'm not asking you to destroy, Joyce.
I'm offering you control.
I'm giving you the chance to rule.
No more chaos. No more loss.
Only order. Your order.
We can make this world better, Joyce. We can shape it into our vision.
That's what I'm offering.
And all I ask in return, is for your loyalty.
Scarlet Joyce
And how do I know you can deliver?
How do I know you're telling the truth?
Jobu Tupaki
Because I can show you...
Jobu Tupaki
So.. what's it going to be?
Scarlet Joyce
Yes.
If you can bring me to my children... then I'll do it.
*Commercial*
*Commercial*
Earth-415
Kendrick Stark makes his way into the holding cells at Blackgate Prison.
Kendrick Stark
So... I take it you're the Joker?
The Joker
Ah, took you long enough... Stark.
Kendrick Stark
You know me?
The Joker
Who doesn’t know you?
You're all anyone can talk about these days.
But the real question is,
how much did our mutual bat friend, tell you about me?
Kendrick Stark
He told me enough.
Kendrick Stark
It doesn't surprise me that Batman's greatest nemesis is a clown.
Remind me again, what's your super power again?
Scaring little children with balloon animals, is that it?
Or maybe you like to feed on their fears.
The Joker
You want to know what I admire about you, Stark?
You're not afraid to speak your mind.
You aren't afraid to show us all who you really are.
While the Batman cowers behind a mask,
you, well you announce it to the world.
....
'I am MarthaMan'
I admire a man with confidence.
Kendrick Stark
I'm not afraid to show my face.
The Joker
No, you aren't. I like that.
You see, the Batman, he's not much for the attention.
But you, on the other hand, you crave it.
A billionaire genius flying around in a little metal suit.
It's brilliant.
You want your name shining amongst the bright lights.
Stark Tower?
I like attention as much as the next guy, but you?
You take it to another level.
You want to be heralded as the Greatest of All Time.
Kendrick Stark
What can I say? I do everything the Batman does, but better.
Enough sidebar, Pennywise.
You know why I'm here.
I want to know about the Riddler.
And I want to know about the Batman and all his sideshow freaks.
The Joker
Ah, the multiverse.
Kendrick Stark
That's right. I want to know where you all came from
and then I'm sending you back where you belong.
The Joker
And you would be the one to do it.
HeheHAHAhAhahHahaHA
You want to know the greatest irony of all?
You want to know how we got here?
The answer is as simple as it gets.
....
You.
Kendrick Stark
What are you talking about?
The Joker
HEHEHAHAHAHhahaAHahaha...
Aw, you see that? He's like a little lost puppy.
The genius has no idea what's going on.
You see, Stark. Allow me to let you in on a little secret.
You're not the only one getting visitors from another universe.
This... uh, chaos, it's much bigger than you could've imagined.
These multiversal incursions, they're not just happening in this world.
They're happening all over.
The multiverse is broken and there is no going back.
And you want to know how I know?
Because you broke it.
Kendrick Stark
Alright. You're just insane.
This has been an incredible waste of time
and I'm about done with this.
Guards! Get me out of here.
The Joker
You see, Kenny.
You're not the first person to visit me here in Blackgate.
Hmmm...
There was a man, he called himself "The Conqueror."
The Joker
Funny looking guy with a purple and green suit.
Not the greatest sense of fashion, if you ask me.
But he told me all there is to know about the multiverse.
He told me you would come... and here you are.
But you want to know the best part?
He told me that you set him free.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
How could that be possible?
Well, I'll tell you what he told me.
It wasn't you, from this world, who set him free.
Rather, a variant of yours from another timeline.
You follow what I’m saying here?
Kendrick Stark
Bullshit.
The Joker
It's his words, not mine.
You pulled the trigger, killing a variant of his.
Thus, freeing Kang the Conqueror and unleashing this hell upon us all.
The Joker
And you want to know the best thing about time?
It's cyclical.
History tends to repeat itself.
You set Kang free and now, you're going to do the same for me.
Kendrick Stark
What are you talking about?
The Joker
You.... you don't hide behind the mask.
You're brave.
You know, for someone who calls themselves a genius,
you're really not too bright.
Announcing to the world who you really are.
You see, the Batman. He wears a mask.
Not because he wants to protect himself.
No, he does it to protect the people he cares about.
Kendrick Stark
What have you done?
The Joker
Tell me, does that iron suit of yours track the location of your family? Hm?
Can you tell me where Miss Potts is, right now?
Kendrick Stark
You son of a bitch!
The Joker
Or... better yet.
Can you tell me where your precious little Morgan is?
Kendrick Stark
If you so much as a lay a finger on them...
The Joker
You'll do what? Hm? Beat me half to death?
Is that that it?
I've taken my fair share from the Batman, believe me.
But don't worry, Kenny.
I can assure you, Ms. Potts is safe.
Morgan on the other hand...
Kendrick Stark angrily flips over the table,
advancing towards The Joker.
The Joker
I wouldn't do that if I were you...
You see... one phone call and my associates cut up your daughter into little pieces
and send her back to you one body part at a time.
How does that sound?
Or... I have an alternative proposal.
You break me out of here and when I'm in a secure location,
I make sure your little precious Morgan makes it back to your loving arms.
Kendrick Stark
How do I know you're telling the truth?
How do I know you have Morgan?
The Joker
Why don't you call Ms. Potts and ask her for yourself?
I'm sure she's been trying to get a hold of you for the past hour.
But you know how it is... reception at Blackgate?
It’s not the most reliable.
---------------------------------------------------
Kendrick Stark's Objective:
Save Morgan Stark (Make the Playoffs)
---------------------------------------------------
Kendrick Stark
If I get you out of here,
how I do know you'll hold up your end of the deal?
The Joker
You don't.
But don't you worry, this clown will hold up his end of the deal.
